What's up, guys?
I tried. I really tried to like this show, but I don't. I don't dislike it or anything, but it just doesn't hook me in. I even tried recapping, but I barely made it halfway through episode one because I was so bored.
I hope you can forgive, faithful readers. I really hate going back on my word, but I'm a fierce believer of being honest with oneself, and this is honest. I also want to take this opportunity to thank you all for all the comments and the support. It was really fun.
If there is every a time when I feel truly compelled to write about some other show or movie, I will. As of right now, there isn't such a show, so I'm spending my energies elsewhere.
Kisses and Happy Holidays!
ETA: Since it's already written, I'm adding the recap for half of episode one. I hope you enjoy.
What's up, guys?
So, here we are. Better late than never, right?
Hope you enjoy.
Photo Studio. Somewhere in the US. Night.
As our lovely story begins, I suddenly fear for a second that I've tuned into the wrong show and wonder if things will look very Shane today.
Right off the bat we got a big problem since I'm already over the smooth talking, emo lesbian who has sex with everything with a vagina and who, for some reason, women, gay/straight/bisexual/trisexual/polysexual/aliens with tentacles can't resist and want to screw. That's without mentioning the eternal 'I'm such a fuck up, my life sucks so much since everyone loves me and wants me but I act like a total bitch for no reason and hurt everyone...mi caudal de penas no tiene fin.'
Needless to say, I really don't understand the appeal of this archetype.
You have an uphill battle, Shane part deux, if you're going to make me like you.
The blond one, called Frankie, is a photographer. She's taking pictures of a stanky looking model who so nicely helps us get some exposition through their conversation: Frankie was born in London but moved to Glasgow when she was eleven and to the States two years ago.
The skany model starts to check Frankie out, even though she keeps talking about the boyfriend who she plans to marry. Since Frankie probably has a loooooooooooottttttttttttttt of mileage and can recognize the signs instantly, they proceed to get it on.
I'm seriously rolling my eyes.
Before they can get too far, Frankie's phone rings: her aunt, who raised her, just died. Frankie looks hurt for a second, but when the model tells her she's sorry, Frankie acts cold.
Frankie: Don't be. The way I see it, one family member down, two to go. Now, where were we?
The sex continues.
Aughhh... I've known you three minutes, literally, and I don't like you already, guey. That's a record.
The next day, Frankie, still lost in thought, starts looking over facebook photos of people who, I suppose, used to be her friends back home. One of them particularly stands out:
As she looks at the pictures, Frankie listens to her answering machine which screws me up because it must be 1995 if she still has an answering machine, yet facebook exists.
It must be an alternative universe.
One of the messages is from the dead aunt, who called before she died (or not, anything is possible) and left her a cryptic message telling her that she(the aunt) needed to talk to Frankie about something important.
Intrigued, Frankie goes back home.
Um, Frankie, dear, unless you go all Ghost Whisperer on me, she ain't telling you nothing.
When she gets to Glasgow (which is in Scotland, by the way, I looked it up), a guy called Jay who may be the male version of Frankie picks her up. In the car, as they drive...somewhere, they chit chat for a bit about Jay's whorish ways and how he even thinks that his own sister it hot.
The conversation then turns to Cat (the woman in the photo) who works at Jay's firm and seems to have some past with Frankie.
Frankie totally wants to see her, but since her job is to be emo at all times, she tells Jay that she's not sure if she wants to see her.
If she was nice, she's leave the poor girl alone and out of her BS.
But of course, this is fiction, so....
Cat and Tess' Place. Day.
Cat's on her computer doing work stuff. From the looks of it, she's an architect, and a really anal one.
If the history those two had is romantic, which it totally was, there's horrible probably happened and will happen again.
Anyway, she keeps typing away when, suddenly, someone called Sam from a dating site starts chatting with her and invites her for a drink.
Tonight. The very same day when Frankie came home.
Good one, writers.
Right at that moment, when Cat is considering whether or not to say yes, Tess, the true highlight of the series walks in.
Love, love, love me some Tess.
She's freaking out because her ex girlfriend, who dumped her and who she calls a 'filthy trollop', lol, is using a sexy picture Tess herself took as her facebook profile picture.
Did facebook pay for the product placement or what?
After throwing a cute fit over the bitchy ex, Tess notices Cat's activities on, wait for it, Gaydar.
Cat, who is also cute on her own neurotic/controlling/anal retentive way (I just added the 'retentive' because I just realized how it could sound potentially naughty without it) thinks that maybe she should suggest another day so she can have more time to prepare and be sure that she's ready.
Tess: Frankie was two years ago, how much more ready can you be?
Now, who didn't see that one coming?
Cat is still nervous and freaking about her need of a haircut, the stain in the carpet and all sorts of things people won't notice when they're interested in doing it with you.
Tess insists that she needs to move on already and Cat accepts the date with the 'butch', 'hot', cop.
Later that day, Tess is being her insecure self while trying on a gazillion outfits for an audition.
What's up with all the fictional lesbians being actresses now?
Her best friend, a lovely guy called Ed (who is Cat's brother BTW) is helping her out and cheering her up since she is really, really insecure. The facebook picture drama is just making things worse and making her freak up even more.
Facebook is evil. An evil succubous. And not the hot kind like Bo from 'Lost Girl'.
The facebook talk leads into Ed's inability to meet women, even though he's a funny, nice guy.
I understand his frustration. People tend walk all over nice people and find assholes irresistible (case in point, Frankie).
Don't worry, Ed, I like you. Not that it helps coming from a homo....
He complains that women don't go for poor novelist wannabes.
Tess: You are attractive.
Ed: Really? You never said I'm attractive before.
Tess: Well, I am a lesbian, so I'm not so sure it counts.
His face at her words and the fact that he was checking her our before are all the evidence we need to know that his into her.
But really, who wouldn't?
Tess then has the super awesome idea to go to the filthy trollop's apartment to get a dress that she left there when she moved out.
Filthy trollop, jeje.
Las Aparicio gave me 'guey', Lip Service gives me 'filthy trollop'. All this international TV viewing is so enriching.
Ed's not so sure that it's a good idea, but Tess smiles and pouts and he says yes,
But, really, who wouldn't?
Jay's flat. Day.
Jay is letting Frankie stay with him while she's in town. Since he's a work, Frankie uses to opportunity to wallow in her misery.
She looks around for a bit and finds a wall with a lot of photos taped to it. One of them is of Cat, she rips it off, thinks some more and leaves.
I wonder where she's going.
Filthy Trollop's flat. Day.
Tess has yet another super awesome idea: since she had to give back her keys when she left, she's going to, literally, break in through a bedroom window that has a faulty latch.
Ed is against the idea because, well, is is breaking and entering and possibly burglary, but Tess that it's not stealing when it's something that belongs to you.
He gives in.
Cat's Office. Day.
Jay and Cat are also friends and work together. They chat a bit about Cat's date and Jay keeps fucking women with his eyes, even though he has a girlfriend. Cat is nervous about the whole blind date thing and when she looks out the window, who do you think is there?
Frankie smiles all nervously, and Cat freaks out. She goes to the bathroom to try to get herself together.
Filthy Trollop's Flat. Day.
The breaking and entering is still in progress.
Ed: Can you hurry up? You're pretty heavy you know?
Tess: Are you saying I'm fat?
Ed: No, I'm saying you're dislocating my shoulder!
Lol. I love those two.
The make their way through the flat looking for the dress. Tess gets upset when she finds contact lenses and a D cup bra, both of which the trollop doesn't use.
Come on, Tess. I got a saying for you: 'Whoever makes you cry isn't worth your love, and those who are worth it, would never make you cry."
Tess doesn't have time to wallow in her pain for long because the trollop gets home. And she has company. And since she's full of super awesome ideas today, Tess forces Ed to hide. Under the bed.
Things get X rated pretty soon because because the trollop has her own trollop and things start to get oral on the bed. Tess' face is pretty priceless.
She can't handle so she has yet another, super, super awesome idea and decides to try to sneak out unnoticed.
She has some limited success crawling across the room until the floor makes a sound and the girls on the receiving end opens her eyes.
The trollop, who is called Chloe, and Tess start fighting. Chloe is mad that she just broke in. Tess tells her about the dress which, by the way, Chloe is wearing, which is why they couldn't find it. She also learns that Chloe is now with a girl named Shona, in fact she was before they broke up.
Tess is totally the loser of this series, isn't she? That sucks.
Anyway, she insists that she's not leaving without her dress and the ex throws it, literally at her face.
Tess and Ed finally leave.
Cat's Ofiice. Day.
She comes out of the bathroom and looks out, expecting to see Frankie there. When she's not, Cat looks like she might be imagining things, but when she goes out on work business, she runs into Frankie on the street. Or rather, Frankie walks up to her.
Cat: What are you doing here?
Frankie: It's good to see you too.
Cat continues to look as if she's been punched in the gut and doesn't immediately tell Frankie to fuck up when she starts to soothe the situation by engaging in some uncomfortable small talk.
Eventually she hardens and asks Frankie what she's doing there, why she didn't call first. Frankie admits she just wanted to talk to her and feared that she might've said no if she called.
Cat has to go to a work thing so she uses the opportunity to leave Frankie behind, but a dude bumps into her and her wallet, which Frankie finds, ends up in the floor.
Tess audition. Day.
Tess arrives kind of late. She runs to the bathroom to change into the famous dress and everything goes wrong: her pantyhose rips, the dress breaks and she can barely zip it.
Seriously, gueys. This girl is this series punching bag. I am not pleased.
When she's called in to audition, things don't really go any better. Even though she starts knowing her lines, it's clear that she doesn't really relate to the product at all (some moisturizing cream) and as the director keeps asking things from her it all keeps going downhill and she ends up crying and leaving in a huff.
Uncool, writers. Uncool.
Some office. Day.
Frankie follows Cat to her work thing to return her wallet and pretends to be Jay to get in. The wallet thing puts Cat at ease for a bit, until they talk about a bloke who keeps staring at Cat and Frankie starts to flirt.
Frankie: You can't really blame him, you are looking incredibly hot.
Cat: Oh, is that why you left me, cause I look so hot?
Frankie tries to get Cat to go for a talk, but she doesn't want to and tells Frankie to just leave her alone, even though it's obvious that under the pain she has a really, really soft spot for Frankie.
Cat and Tess' place. Night.
Cat's getting ready for her date and discussing the Frankie situation with Tess, who is just as surprised at the news that Miss Brooding is back. Cat is still hostile and points out how Frankie is always just hurting people.
I believe her. That's another quality of this crappy archetype.
The focus then turns to the date, and the more she talks about it, the more Cat freaks herself out.
Cat: Maybe I should've just suggested a gay bar, but you know what it's like if we go somewhere sceney, we'll bump into ten people we know. What if she wants to make a pass at me, she's not gonna do that in some straight pub. Shit, why didn't I think of that? I've totally fucked things up and I'm not even there yet!
I like me some Cat too.
Tess tells her that if Frankie got her so wound up, maybe she should reschedule, but Cat insists that she's fine, that seeing Frankie was good because it reminded her of how much she sucks.
If only that were true.
Cat goes on her date.
Some straight pub. Night.
Cat arrives and orders some wine. I'd say she looks nervous, but so far she always looks like that. Or some variation of it.
Meanwhile, at some lesbian bar, Frankie and the gang are hanging out. Everyone is happy to see her and she neglects to tell them that her aunt died. She's glad that the trollop is out of Tess' life because she sucked (and I believe her because it takes one to know one). Apparently they were together for five years.
Damn Tess. Your life really sucks.
But you're still cute.
Tess wants to get laid as a testament to her new life, but she has a hard time chatting people up.
Tess: I just...I just do what most lesbians do, stare at women hungrily and pray somebody else will make the first move.
Frankie: Well, look aloof and uninterested and they probably will.
Augh, Frankie. Just, augh.
Then Becky, Jay's girlfriend walks in and introduces herself, just as Cat calls Tess freaking out because her date's not there yet.