Sunday, October 31, 2010

Las Aparicio Recaps ep 31-38

What's up, guys?

Now, really, last oneeee!!!!!!!!!!!

Episode 31

Rafaela is angry that Julia couldn't even keep her commitment to Armando for one whole day and is back already. Meche tries to defend her and says that Julia's just going through a hard time and needs their support. Rafaela, who must've spent all of her life disappointed in Julia, reminds them that she's always 'going through a hard time' and acting like an irresponsible teenager. She wants her to grow up and land somewhere already, to make a decision and stick to it till the end.

Well, you can't expect an apple tree to give you mangoes, Rafaela.

When Rafaela says that she's playing with Armando's and Mariana's feelings, Julia gets angry: she's not going to make a decision just to make someone else happy, damn it! But Rafaela reiterates that it's not about making some else happy, she just needs to stop hurting everyone like she is, she is even hurting herself.

Later that day, Julia is freaking out because she can't find Mariana and knows nothing about her. She even calls Mariana's mom, but they don't know anything about her either. When she says that she's thinking about getting into catering again, Rafaela tells her that that's cool, but she's not doing it in her house because she needs to grow up and face life.

Apples and mangoes, Rafaela.

So, what does Julia do? She goes to Alma looking for a job at the Atelier, so Alma tells her that she can help Ileana make a new menu. When she's trying to, Ileana just wants to talk about Julia's situation and is all around horrified that Julia may be gay and in love with Mariana. She even hints that Mariana being gay is just confusing Julia.

As if Julia needs help to be confused.

Ileana can't even stand the thought of looking at Julia when she admits that she's feeling something very strong for Mariana and may be in love with her and Armando.

What a biatch that Ileana.

That night, the Aparicio sisters go out clubbing to find a man for Meche, who hasn't had sex since her husband died or something. At the club, some random chick invites Julia for a drink and they try to remind Meche how to pick up men at bars.

Quote of the episode

Julia (to Ileana, about her situation): I'm very confused. I don't know anything anymore, guey. I don't know if I'm a vegetarian, trisexual, heterosexual, man, woman or quimera. I don't know anymore, understand? I'm very confused because I think that I'm in love with two people and that is confusing enough to be going through a hard time, so, please, don't make it worse.

I really don't get how Julia could be talking about something so delicate with just everyone. If I walked up to her on the street and nodded her way she may start telling me about it, too, Jesus.

Episode 32

Julia is still confused.

What else is new?

She keeps looking at herself in the mirror and thinking of her kiss with Mariana. Since she has nothing to do with her life anymore, because Mariana and Armando are gone and everyone at Aparicio Central has a life, she starts working at the Atelier's cafe and spending copious amounts of time with Ileana. That should be punishment enough for leaving Armando stranded in Spain, I say.

Speaking of Armando, they've exchanged emails and he's all melodramatic about the deep pain he feels because she left him. In a moment of certainty (which is really the writers fucking with our heads) she tells Alma that it's weird, she doesn't miss him or feel guilty about leaving him. She even thinks it's all his fault for pressuring her like that.

No guilt, huh? You're totally one step away from becoming a serial killer, aren't you, oh crazy one? You're also a dirty liar because the previous episode you told Ileana that you missed Armando a lot.

Crazy person.

She does say that she wishes that she hadn't left so abruptly, and points out that she feels really lost without Armando and Mariana. Alma encourages her to keep living and to try to move on.

Quote of the episode

Julia (about Armando): I feel really weird because I don't miss him, I don't feel guilty, I don't feel like I'm doing something wrong. In fact, I think that he provoked all of this, don't you think?

Episode 33

Julia's immersing herself in her cooking because she's worried about the missing Mariana. Wait, or is it because she's horny? I don't know, I'm really tired of Julia, I zone out when she talks. Also, how much time has passed?

She continues to spend all of her time with Ileana either at the Atelier or at home, unfortunately for her. Ileana doesn't want to know anything about Julia's hornyness and gets even more uncomfortable when Julia starts talking about masturbating.

Julia and the others get their own share of sister time again. The have some weird thing on their heads and they're drinking and talking about men and desire and sex. Julia wants them to stop talking about sex because she's so horny that she's wants to fuck more than she wants to live!

Seriously, how much time has passed? You'd think it's been a year. Just buy an Alma whore, woman. Wait, you don't know about them yet.

They don't really listen to Julia (since nobody does, really, except Mariana and Armando) and they keep talking about sex and desire because Meche is all hot and bothered since she's got a date with some dude (who turns out to be married by the way) that she's really attracted to. Julia can't spend a minute without talking about her confusions, so she talks about whether or not it's possible to desire someone's soul over their body (probably referring to Mariana) . But when Alma wants to talk about it some more, Julia doesn't want to.

The next day at the Atelier, Ileana has a brilliant solution to their love woes: they need to find a new love online. Julia really doesn't want to because she wants no more confusions, but Ileana insists, so they go online. When she checks out Mariana's facebook page (hadn't thought about it before, guey?), Julia learns that she's having fun at the beach and is 'in a relationship' with someone she calls 'dark eyes'.

Julia feels bad about it and Mariana is such a lesbian with the U-hauling.

Quote of the episode

Ileana: Why don't you try?
Julia (referring to masturbation): What? Self service? I have it down to an art. I need something more! Something different!
Ileana: A snack, Julia. Why don't you try a snack?

Episode 34

Julia and her temporary best pal Ileana (there has to be someone for her to talk to) talk about the Mariana situation. Ileana is surprised when Julia says that she hasn't even emailed Mariana to tell her that she's back, but Julia decided that she's been very selfish through the whole situation and wants to let Mariana go through whatever it is that she's going through.

I doubt that that attitude will last long.

Ileana is glad about it. She's also glad that Mariana has a new love because maybe then Julia's confusions could be over.

Yeahhhhh, right. Not that simple, guey.

Later at the Atelier, Ileana is still obsessed with picking up men online. When Julia sees two women flirting, she imagines that she sees her and Mariana kissing.

Obviously, since there's a chance that she may not have her anymore because of 'dark eyes', now Julia totally wants Mariana.

Super Alma notices that Julia is all sorts of tense and takes her away to talk. She tells her about Mariana at the beach with 'dark eyes' and admits that ever since she found out about that, she's not confused about Mariana anymore.

Yeahhhhh, right.

That night, the sisters have yet another night of sister time. They help Meche pack for the weekend trip that she's going on with the guy who turns out to be married. Meche's really smart though, and although she really likes him, she thinks that there's something off with him. There's all sort of touching between them three, specially Meche, and I want to be friends with those women just to get some of that loving.

The next day, Ileana and Julia are getting in the car when, lo and behold, Mariana walks in. Julia looks like she just won the lottery (and, quite frankly, she did) and immediately goes over to Mariana to give her a big hug.

During Nana's voice over, we see the girls talking in Julia's room. Mariana asks Julia why she didn't tell her that she came back. Julia asks her why she didn't try to stop her. We don't get the answers because the episode ends.

Quote of the episode

Alma: Something's up with you. Tell me about it.
Julia: Mariana went to the beach and met someone.
Alma: And how does that make you feel?
Julia: Bad. And you know what's the worst thing? That ever since I found out, Mariana stopped being a confusion to me.

Episode 35

Julia and Mariana are still talking, It turns out that 'Dark eyes' is called Gaby and she's a marine biologist she met at the beach. When Julia asks, Mariana admits that she's not in love with the Uncomfortable One (as I called her in my very first recap), but she likes her a lot and she gave Mariana support at a time when she felt abandoned. Furthermore, Gaby is very different to the other women she's been with since she's deep in the closet and even lives with her parents.

For someone like Mariana, dating someone like that is a very bad idea.

Julia says that she's glad for Mariana (which no one really believes, really) and Mariana asks her why she came back. She says she couldn't start a new life when there were so many lose ends to tie up in her old one.

Yeahhhhh, right.

They decide that everything will be how it used to be, making an unspoken agreement to not talk about what's going on with them.

That night there's even more sister time. They're trying to comfort Meche, who is heartbroken because the guy she liked turned out to be married. Eventually Nana joins in and starts telling her Melito XXX stories (this time the topic is their role playing), which is both disturbing and endearing.

Over at Mariana's Loft, we meet Gaby, who, from her very first shot, looks completely uncomfortable, which is blasphemous because she's in Mariana's presence, come on. Mariana wants to go to a gay club, but Gaby is uncomfortable with the idea. What if she runs into someone she knows?

Then they'd be as gay as you or at least gay friendly, so chill out.

Mariana is a real charmer, as we know, so she convinces Gaby to go. It turns out to be a bad idea because they get gay bashed when a group of assholes give them a hard time over being gay and their leader even slaps Mariana.

I'm guessing that Gaby won't be going to another gay club, ever. Which begs the question, if Gaby doesn't do clubs and is all sorts of closeted, how did she and Mariana hook up to begin with? Does Mariana have a super secret device to find the gay anywhere?

The next day, Mariana and Gaby are having breakfast and watching a mega homophobic video that was in a USB that Rodo (the asshole who slapped Mariana) left them. Gaby wants to go home since her dad is waiting for her and there's nothing she can do anyway to make the situation better, she can't even go to the police because that might out her.

Terrible, terrible match those two.

Not knowing what else to do, Mariana goes to Aparicio Central looking for help from the Super Women since she has not family or friends and her girlfriend sucks.

Su caudal de penas no tiene fin, that's why she's Emo.

Quote of the episode

Nana (regarding love and sex): I think that we don't have to do that, we don't have to separate sex from being in love, but being in love with yourself. Supposedly, if you're in love with yourself, if you love yourself, then you can take on the world.

Episode 36

Mariana's still over at Aparicio Central, and they're still talking about the attack. Everyone assures her that the homophobes will pay and that she'll be safe and well taken care of at AC.

What freaks Mariana out the most, however, is that during the incident she lost her wallet with all of her documents, including her address, so if the assholes want to find her, they can. That isn't a problem, she can stay at AC for as long as she needs.

Staying at AC means staying in Julia's room specifically, which isn't really a stellar idea considering how tense things are between them. Julia gets annoyed when Marina turns around to change her clothes, as if she changed her clothes if front of her before.

So, you've seen her naked, Julia? Because she took off her bra and everything just now, if she hadn't turned around you would've seen her boobs and all.


Mariana points out that yes, things are different, and they bicker back and forth a little before Julia apologizes.

The next day, the girls start their day by freaking Ileana out. First, she walks in on Mariana kneeling between Julia's legs and helping her zip up her jeans, but Miss Stick in the Mud doesn't see the whole picture and gets evil ideas. Well, the ideas are only evil for her, I suppose. Then Mariana gives her a hard time saying that if she doesn't lock her room's door she's going to pay her a sexy visit that night.

Good stuff.

On the hand, Meche takes on the case and she's ready to bring the assholian homophobes to justice!

Mariana spends the day at AC while Julia goes to work at the Atelier. Mariana hangs out with Rafaela, rehearsing acting stuff and bonding.

If Rafaela wasn't so old, I think that I'd ship those two.

Gaby visits Mariana at Aparicio Central. She's all sorts of emo too (maybe that's what they have in common) because out there in the real world there's no one she can count on and be open with. She doesn't think that she's ready for a relationship with Mariana, but Emo #1 convinces her to give the relationship a chance, if only so that they don't give the homophobes the satisfaction of breaking them up.

Emo # 2 accepts and Julia gets jealous when she sees them kissing, but she doesn't say or do anything. For now.

That night, Ileana sits down to talk with Mariana. She wants to know why she doesn't just stop being gay when it's so dangerous and such a drag. Wouldn't it be easier to just be straight? Mariana assures her that she was born that way and has no desire to change. This is in fact the pato talk that later inspires that lame name for their workshops at the Atelier, so I won't dwell on it too much.

Later, Mariana talks to Julia some more about the Rodo situation. She thinks that bringing him to justice is something that she needs to do, for herself and for Gabriela. But Julia is stuck on jealous mode. She tells Mariana that it made her feel really bad to see the Emoes together right there in her own house, considering what's going on between them.

I'll just let them tell you.

Mariana: What's going on between us, guey?
Julia: Well-
Mariana: No, no. Honestly. Because from where I stand, what happened was that I told you that I loved you and you didn't give a crap, you ran away!
Julia: Oh really? Well then I came back to find you only to find out that the little girl had mysteriously disappeared and nobody knew where she was and you didn't even have the decency to leave a fucking note!

The fight escalates until Julia's phone rings and pretty much proves Mariana's point: it's Armando and Julia answers. The Pichichi feels bad because he's alone over there and his teammates and managers just treat him as business.

Just a reminder that he exists and will be back soon, I suppose.

After the call, Julia and Mariana keep bickering to the point where Mariana decides to go home because she's sick of them pretending that nothing is happening between them, when clearly there is something. Julia convinces her to stay because it's too dangerous for her to go back home and the two make up.

For now, I say.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (to Ileana, about her inability to stop being gay): Wouldn't it be easier to turn into a duck? Yeah, you know, a duck. You could live in Chapultepec (?), you could spend the day splashing around and not having to go to school, or work. It would be easier, no? See, Ileana, the same way that the idea of turning into a duck seems impossible and ridiculous for you, I find the idea of me turning heterosexual as ridiculous and impossible . This isn't something that I asked for, guey, I was born this way. I know who I am and I'm at peace with it. I don't have the need or the desire to change.

Episode 37

It's the morning and Meche is discussing with Juliana what she's uncovered so far about the homophobic assholes. 'Rodo' is called Rodolfo Peralta and has a reputation for doing things like that, but everyone is too afraid to make a complaint, which is the Gaby's case, by the way. Julia doesn't really like Gaby and shows no compassion at the fact that she's scared and Mariana, who wrote the manual on the perfect girlfriend, insists that she's not going to force her girlfriend to do anything she doesn't want to do.

Mariana and Julia visit Gaby to tell her about the new Rodo developments and to ask her if she'd be willing to go to the police. The Uncomfortable One is really, really uncomfortable because her dad is about to get home. You know, having friends over is such suspicious thing, gueys. A sure sign of gayness, y'all.

Gaby starts freaking out at the police/lawyer talk and feels that, ultimately, she doesn't want to get involved because it's not really her problem. Just as Julia is about to get her panties in a twist over that, Mariana shushes her and works her magic. She tells Gaby that if they don't do anything Rodo and his gang are going to keep hurting people, but TUO doesn't want to get involved because she's sure that nothing will happen to the assholes, but the two of them will get hurt, specially her, who is so deep in the closet that she couldn't find her way out even if she tried.

Gabriela's dad arrives and, to further prove how terrified this girl is, she tells him that they're friends from school, because it is so very suspicious to know anyone who doesn't go to school with you, right, gueys?

Su caudal de penas sí que no tendrá fin if she keeps that attitude up.

Later that day, Julia and Mariana keep talking about Emo's family woes while drinking a couple of beers. Emo talks about how much her family sucks, how they all abandoned her (mother, father, step dad) and how she's completely alone because, although the Aparicios love her, they're borrowed family. Julia assures her that she's not alone and Mariana says that she's right, she has Gaby, which infuriates Julia because : 1. she was talking about herself (how could Mariana forget that she's the center of the universe?), 2. Gaby's a closet case who doesn't even have the guts to come out to her dad.

Mariana doesn't like Julia's attitude, after all, Julia doesn't know how it's like to be closeted and all you can lose when you come out. Julia doesn't think that Gaby has the balls to be in a relationship with Mariana, who points out that it's easy to judge and have balls when you have the entire Aparicio Army behind you. Besides, who knows if Gaby's dad is even worse than Rodo himself when he finds out that she's gay? But Julia is too immature to just shut up, so she doesn't.

Julia: Poor Gaby. Why don't you have compassion for me? I'm trying to come out of the closet, yet I'm here with you, Mariana!
Mariana: Ay Julia, please, what closet? You just get jealous when any man, woman or dog pees in your territory! It's what you used to do with Armando and now you're doing it with me! It's not fair, guey!

The Immature One walks away in a huff.

That night, the Uncomfortable One pays Mariana a visit. She keeps excusing herself and trying to make Emo #1 understand that her situation with her parents is impossible and she just absolutely can't be as out as Mariana.

Mariana completely understands, but tries to make her understand that, at some point, she'll have to come out, unless she's willing to spoil her whole life because she's too afraid to be herself.

Gabriela says she'll come out and some point, but she just can't at the moment. She'd love to still be with Mariana, but without any fuss, without any gay clubs or complaints to the police.

Over at Aparicio Central, Julia is having a talk with her mom about the fight that she had with her future wife. She feels horrible for being so selfish and jealous, and Rafaela senses that there's something else going on with them, but before Julia can elaborate, her phone rings. It's Armando reminding us that he's alive and butting in from far away.Rafaela rolls her eyes, and I do too.

Pichichi misses Julia like crazy, she's all he thinks about. She's all uncomfortable and tells him, before hanging up, that he should forget about her because she doesn't work as a girlfriend, friend or anything.

I kind of agree.

She feels so bad that she goes to see Mariana to apologize, but instead finds Gaby there: Mariana went to see Meche because she decided to go to the police to try to prosecute Rodo.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (to Julia, about Gabriela): Who are you to call her a closet case? You don't know what a closet is, what it's like to be in it and much less coming out of it, guey!

Episode 38

Julia and Gaby are having coffee at Mariana's place, waiting for her. Julia apologizes for being so insistent the last time they saw each other, but The Uncomfortable one says that it's okay and that she herself feels really bad that she can't support Mariana properly, but her dad is just a closed minded asshole (I added the asshole bit, BTW)

Mariana arrives and, finding Julia there, apologizes immediately. Julia is all sorry too and there's all sorts of forgiveness going on while Gaby is sitting there looking left out until Mariana remembers that she exists and goes over to sit next to her.

The next day, Meche and Mariana go to the police to make the official complaint against Rodo. Julia and Gaby wait for them outside and Emo #2 feels bad since she's not there supporting her super awesome girlfriend because of her fear. Julia tells her to not be so hard on herself and that even Mariana understands her position and supports her.

Gaby then puts her foot in her mouth when she asks Julia what happened between them two, why didn't it work? She thought they must've been together at some point because they know each other so well and have such great chemistry. Julia tells her that no, they've never been together, she's not even gay and if she was she'd have no problem saying it.

Somewhere is that conversation, Gaby finds the courage to join Mariana in the complaint.

After they're done, Mariana is beaming with pride because of Gaby's courage, but Julia's eyes are turning green with jealousy.

Later that day, at Aparicio Central, the women are having dinner or some other meal, I can never tell. Well, it must be dinner since Isadora is there and not in school. Meche proposes a toast to Gaby and Mariana for being so brave. Isadora toasts to dykes because she got called a dyke in school and she kicked the asses of those who did. Even Isadora knows that being gay isn't bad.

When Mariana accompanies Gaby to the gates, Julia keeps looking at them with even more jealousy and angst in her eyes.

That night, Mariana wants to go to a hotel because she feels that things are weird between her and MEC. She also knows that something's up with Julia. When she keeps pressuring Julia to spill it, she says something about Mariana thinking she's not brave like Gaby or something else that makes sense in Julia land, but nowhere else.

Whatever, I don't care.

Quote of the episode

Gabriela (to Julia, about Mariana): That's how Mariana is, isn't it? Brave, understanding.



Friday, October 29, 2010

Las Aparicio Recaps ep 21-30

What's up, guys?

Let's get to it?

Episode 21

This week is all about masks, let's get that out of the way. At their acting class, the girls need to use these really creepy looking masks to learn to express themselves through body language or something.

Suddenly I feel like I'm watching 'Halloween' and someone's about to get murdered. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that it's Armando. Or Julia. Or both.

Armando gets offered a deal to play for a football team in Spain, and he immediately starts calls Julia, but she doesn't talk to him (even though she's dying to) because she doesn't want to get pulled into his crap again. Mariana is all convinced and continues to be all passive aggressive about the whole thing.

The girls go to their acting class, where their arrogant professor pair them up to pretend to be Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf, while wearing their masks. Things get a little too close for comfort when, both of them in character, Mariana asks Julia why she doesn't love her and Julia tells her that she'd want to but she needs to find her way alone, or something along those lines. Mariana has a mini freak out and even breaks character for a second, but the professor pull them back in.

After the class, Armando goes over to see them outside the class room, tells Julia about it and starts begging her to come with him. At the mere sight of Armando, Mariana's emoness starts to creep up again.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (to Julia, at their class exercise): Alone? Alone? Alone? (she rips of her mask) You know who Julia is? Julia's the mirror where Mariana looks into and can't find herself.

That's the quote of the episode because to this day I still don't know what the fuck it means.

Episode 22

Armando is still over at Julia's class harassing her some more. She's not cool with him kicking her out because she cheated and then suddenly wanting to whisk her away to Spain, she needs some time. She then sets out to meet Mariana, whose face has completely turned stern ever since she saw Armando, but manages to, more or less, keep her cool.

Julia spends the rest of the day hanging out with her sisters and giving Meche, who is apprehensive about meeting her late husband's mistress, a hard time.

Later that day, we learn who are Mariana's only friends beside Julia: her plants. In fact, she's kinda talking to them when Armando walks in wanting to convince her to convince Julia to go to Spain with him. Since Mariana thinks her house is public property, she invites him over for a drink. Which turn into many beers and they end up all drunk. Eventually he puts Mariana in the spot because he tells her that, in the end, Julia isn't choosing between Mexico and Spain, she's choosing between the two of them. Mariana assures him that the two of them are just friends and Assmanho lives up to his name by telling her that maybe she's gay because she hasn't found the right man and then later reminds her of how homophobic the world is. Mariana assures him that the 'right man' doesn't exist and pretty much ends up making fun of him because she's awesome.

The next day Julia is surprised to find the two smucks passed out on the couch. Armando tries to explain that nothing happened, but Julia doesn't want to hear any of his crap anymore (for now, anyway).

Quote of the episode

Mariana (to Armando after he implies that she just needs the right man): Why don't you find a guey that, I don't know, 'treats' you well?

Episode 23

The episode starts with Julia bitching at Armando because he went to Mariana. She's annoyed that he isn't giving her the space she asked for, he just wants to now if she's staying with Mariana. Julia doesn't answer and the girls to their acting class.

At the class, the professor is a complete asshole to Mariana and she ends up running away when he puts her on the spot and demands to know why she's so afraid of taking off her masks or something equally philosophical.

After the class, Julia finds Mariana all teary eyed and hiding out in some room. She's having a rare moment of internalized homophobia, and it's kind of sad. She talks about how she always felt different and she always will be different, something she never asked for. She knows that being gay isn't bad, but many people do and every day she needs to defend herself in front of them. She even says that sometimes she wishes she could be like Julia (which is blasphemous, gueys), just so that people could see her for who she was instead of being hung up on what she is.

Julia is really sweet and heartfelt when she tries to comfort her, but Mariana has a hard time accepting the comforting because she knows that Julia may accept her and support her, but she will never understand her.

That night, Julia is having some sister time with Alma and Meche, who is processing her meeting with her husband's mistress. Armando interrupts sister time by dropping in unannounced and serenading Julia. Rafaela threatens to call the police if he doesn't shut him up

When Julia confronts Armando, he keeps being all pathetic and begging her to go with him because he can't live without her.

It's all sort of pathetic.

Over at Emoland, Mariana keeps up with her little videos.

Quote of the episode

Julia (to Mariana, during her freak out): I love you. I love you how you are, because of how you are.

Episode 24

Julia spends half the episode freaking out because she can't find her mask for the class. That's the problem with having a huge and gorgeous house, I suppose. Rafaela is as awesome as she always is and is very vocal about how she feels about Armando and her moving to Spain. Later on we find out that she found Julia's mask and is hiding her for some reason.

At the class, the arrogant professor has Julia, Mariana and some guy doing the following exercise: both Mariana and the dude are in love with Julia, who has to choose one of the two.

Subtle, huh?

Julia can feel the lack of subtlety too and runs away all freaked out. After the class, Mariana tries to go after her, but she's nowhere in sight. Emo runs into Armando, who is Julia's stalker now and is looking for her too. He continues to be an asshole and assures Mariana that now he's sure that Julia is going with him.

Mariana is not happy.

Over at Aparicio Central, Julia has a really funny mini freak out when she hears Rafaela and Meche trying to help Isadora with some math problem. How can they force the poor girl to choose between A and B?! They're going to drive her crazy!


Later, Rafaela gives Julia her mask back and tells her that the problem has a simple solution, she just needs to take off her mask and face it.

She's yoda.

Meanwhile, Mariana continues with her little videos because she has absolutely no friends (which is what happens when there's not enough budget). She's processing the new Armando information and the rollarcoster ride is driving her crazy. She should get used to Julia driving her crazy, since she'll get a whole lot more of that later.

That night we get a shot of Julia in bed, dreaming/imagining herself in bed in Armando and Mariana and wearing a mask.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (videotaping herself and discussing the situation): He tells me that she wants with me, then he says that she doesn't. She does things that make me believe that she does, then she does things that make me think that she doesn't. Is this a triangle a-b-c? Or is it simple A and B and I'm just good for fueling their confusion?

Episode 25

Julia is confused, which she needs to be or she wouldn't be Miss Eternally Confused, and doesn't know what to do. Mariana visits her and finds her in her room organizing books alphabetically, so she knows something's up. She asks MEC if what bothers her more leaving with Armando, or leaving period.

You know, the real premise of this storyline is that love makes you stupid. Like, really, REALLY stupid. Because Julia still even considering being anywhere near Armando, much less considering going to a foreign country with him, after all the shit that he's done, makes no sense. About as much sense as Mariana taking Julia back and marrying her in the end after all the shit that she puts her through.


What bothers MEC more are the things she's going to leave behind, specially her family and Mariana, who tries to play it down and joke about it, even though she's touched. They keep talking about it and Mariana almost begs her to stay because she's blinded by Julia's mask of sanity, I suppose. If only she knew what's coming. Isadora interrupts them to tell them that Armando is on the radio talking about his relationship with Julia and how he loves her and she's going to Spain with him. This pisses Julia off and she confronts him about it, they fight again.


She admits that she doesn't trust him and knows that as soon they get back together he'll start cheating on her again and bringing out her once infidelity time after time, but with little fight gives into his lame seduction and they do the only other thing that they do: fucking.

The next day, they wake up in bed together and Julia keeps saying that she knows he won't change, in which case, why the hell do you stay? God. He assures her that he wants to change, he wants to grow up. The phone rings before the conversation can go to far and MEC goes back home to because Meche wants to do a little ceremony and bury her late husband's things in their yard: she's ready to let him go.

I wish more people in the show could learn to do that, gueys.

Quote of the episode

Julia (to Mariana, about her leaving to Spain): I'm gonna miss many things, and surely more than all of them, I'm going to miss you.

Episode 26

The episode starts with Emo feeling very out of place because Armando is there at Aparicio Central too and she feels all left out and jealous.

Don't be, Emo, you're twice the man he is.

Rafaela immediately notices her angst and goes to offer some support. Mariana is emo because she's sure that MEC is going to Spain with the Pichichi. Rafaela is not so convinced and suggest to Mariana that if she only asked her to, Julia would stay.

Seriously, even if they were to be just friends forever, Julia should just stay with Mariana, but she's insane so...

Later that they, Julia and Armando have more sex and he keeps groveling some more.


He assures her that losing her the last time made him realize that he could never live without her, so he's ready to change. Julia's dumb so she believes him and decides to go to Spain with him.

It must be the sex, it makes her stupid.

When Julia and Armando break the news to the family, absolutely nobody cares and just stares at her blankly before spouting halfhearted 'congratulations'. I think they think Julia's stupid, too. At least Rafaela is honest and look disgruntled over it. Isadora is the only one who seems genuinely happy about it and even wants Julia to take her with her. She also asks Julia if she's going to take Mariana with her, which puts all sorts of ideas in Julia's head because she's so very gullible.

That night, Julia goes to EmoCentral to break the news to Emo and to invite her to come with, because she's deluded, as we know. She even has their whole life in Spain figured out, including some pretigious drama school. Mariana is just not into the idea. Instead, she asks Julia not to go.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (to Julia when she's planning their life together in Spain): Julia, guey! Stop! Don't go.

Episode 27

It's the next day and we don't know what was Julia's answer to Mariana's plea. Instead, we get a scene with MEC and Assmanho packing at her place. Later, she goes to see Mariana and asks her to come with her to Spain. Mariana thinks it's ridiculous and she's tired of always being between them two. They leave together to go to the class because, for some reason, Julia wants to say goodbye to the asshole professor.

Later that day, Julia is packing things in her room when Rafaela walks in and they talk. Since she's already entering her land of delusion (maybe it was all the hetero sex that it did), Julia can't believe how unfair Mariana is being by not understanding her decision to go to Spain and getting mad when they invited her.

Madre de Dios.

Rafaela continues to be the absolute voice of wisdom. She asks Julia why exactly is it that she wants to go to Spain and MEC answers that she wants to be with Armando. Yoda says that she thought Julia was doing it to run away from whatever it is that is happening between her and Mariana.

She's awesome. How does she know such things?

MEC insists that they're just best friends and she will miss her a lot because she can't have her and Armando, even though she wishes she could.

Damn foreshadowing.

Patroncita recalls an instance when Julia was a child and spent hours at a store trying to decide between and a fairy costume and a ballerina one. When she finally got home, she started crying because the one she liked better was the one she didn't choose.

So her fickleness goes way back.

Rafaela leaves lost in thought when she tells her that she hopes that the same thing doesn't happen when she gets to Spain. MEC is still packing when Mariana walks in with a box of things that Julia left at her place. They start reminiscing about the good times and end up talking about them.

Julia wonders why the thought of leaving Mariana hurts so much and insists on talking about what exactly they are. Emo doesn't want to, but Julia keeps pressuring her and she finally admits that she loves her. After the declaration, Emo hugs her and I think even cries a little.

The next time we see Julia, she's arriving at Armando's Cave looking for some sex in order to cancel out the yet another encounter of the gay kind.

Quote of the episode

Julia: I mean, it shouldn't be so complicated because you can go visit me, or I can come back. It's not like we're dying. So, why do I feel like we're breaking up? What are we, Mariana. Are we friends? Sisters? Or what are we?
Mariana: We're friends, Julia. Friends and that's it.

Julia: Then why did you tell me that yesterday? That you wanted me to stay?

Mariana: Don't ask me something you already know.

Julia: No, I don't know.

Mariana: Please, don't make me say it. What good would it do?

Julia: Tell me, please.

Mariana: I love you, Julia.

Episode 28

It's the next day and Julia and Armando are in bed having sex for the millionth time. Augh. A least we haven't seen his asscrack in a while, although maybe it's time to start worrying about how sore Julia must be down there.

They're all lovey dopey and Julia's just completely ignoring her close gay encounter from the night before. She decides that she wants to spend the last days she has in Mexico with her family, so Armando takes her to Aparicio Central, where they tell Rafaela all about the awesomeness of the apartment they'll have there and the awesomeness of the city in general. Rafaela is pretty much indifferent about it since she agrees with me that going to Spain with Assmanho is probably the worst idea that Julia has ever had. Or at least this month since I'm sure that she's had many, many, many bad ideas in her life.

Once Armando leaves, Julia continues to be excited about this new period of her life and Patroncita continues to be indifferent about it, and very sneaky by the way. She asks MEC if she's trying to convince her (Rafaela) that she'a making the right choice and life will be awesome there, or if she's trying to convince herself. Julia gets angry then and accuses Rafaela of not being supportive.

Over at EmoLand, Emo is sad and thoughtful and writing Julia a letter apologizing for saying what she said and begging MEC to forget about it.

It's Julia's last night in Mexico, and she goes to Alma (who is the world's best older sister, BTW) to talk about the Mariana situation. She tells her about their drunken make out and about she hasn't allowed herself to truly process that. At first she thought that they had spent so much time together that the lines that separate things got blurred, but that didn't explain when she looked at Mariana she saw them being more than friends.

Alma is very loving and understanding (I want one in my life), and goes into therapy mode asking 'how did that make you feel?' Jules goes on to tell her about Mariana's love declaration and about how it left her very unsettled, but she kind to wanted to tell Mariana that she loved her too.

When Alma asks about Armando, Julia says that that's the problem. She reiterates that she's going to leave with him because she's supposed to love him too, but she's very confused.

SuperAlma tells her not to be hard on herself because she's just in love with too people, which is a very hard and scary place to be because she's so pressured to choose.

There's all sort of crying going on, and the Julia insanity has officially begun.

Later that night, the Aparicio Sisters and Rafaela spoon on the bed because it's Julia's last night with them and they'll miss her tons.

I want them to adopt me, for real.

Quote of the episode

Alma (regarding Mariana's love declaration): What did she tell you?
Julia: That she loves me.
Alma: And, how did you feel when you heard that?
Julia: Super weird. I got nauseaous, I wanted to vomit, I wanted to run away, but at the same time I wanted to tell her.
Alma: That you love her?
**Julia nods**

Episode 29

This episode is all about Julia leaving. We even learn that Rafaela gets physically ill when her daughters leave, and that even the house gets weird and all the electrical appliances die.

Meanwhile, Mariana is still being lame with her little videos. She's feeling so bad that she's nauseous. She's torn between option A, which is stopping Julia at the airport all Hollywood style, and option B which we don't really get to hear because Assmando calls. He later drops by to, basically, be all smug because he won.

Why doesn't she just kick him out, gueys?

He tells her that he knows how hard it mus be for her that Julia's leaving and thanks her for not trying to stop her. She tells him that Julia loves him and is going to Spain with him, and now it's up to him to live up to that.

Over at Aparicio Central, Julia has a gazillion goodbye scenes with Ileana, her sisters, her mother and the whole universe. Rafaela even brings out a box filled with Julia childhood memories, including a drawing she did in kindergarten where she and Mariana are holding hands, together like always. Rafaela tells her that she should say goodbye to Mariana, but just as she's about to do just that Armando arrives and she gets derailed for a while. Eventually she calls EmoLand and gets the machine (really, who still has a landline and answering machines? That's what cell phones are for.). Emo listens intently as Julia apologizes for forcing her to admit that she loves her and then just leaving poor Emo hanging. She just couldn't say that-bam! The memory is full and we don't get to hear what she wanted to say. Mariana freaks out, but takes too long to decide what to do about it, so when she gets to Aparicio Central that night, Julia is gone already.

Before that happens though, we keep getting goodbye scenes, including a hilarious one when Rafaela tells Armando that she never knew what Julia saw in him to begin with (I concur), but that he better make sure that's happy or he'll have to settle things with her (Rafaela). Armando insists that Julia is the most important thing in his life and he'd rather hurt himself before hurting her.

Yeah, right.

The sisters also had another goodbye reminiscing over the box of Julia childhood memories. Adorable stuff, they have awesome chemistry.

Quote of the episode

Julia (on the answering machine): Mariana, pick up. I know that you probably don't even want to see me, that everything got so complicated and I'm so scared of losing you. Forgive me, Mariana, seriously. I know that it was my fault, that I pushed you to say it and that when you did I just left you hanging, without saying anything because speech left me. I didn't want to, but I didn't know how to tell you and I couldn't get the words out and I wanted to tell you that- **Memory Full**

Episode 30

Even though I've said before that Emo was at the peak of her emoness, I think that I was wrong, I think that this is the peak. She looks sad, she's crying and all around hopeless. She avoids Aparicio Central and lies to Rafaela by telling that she's fine when she calls. But Rafaela, who knows all things, knows that she's sad. She reminds Mariana that she loves her like a daughter and she doesn't want her to forget about the Aparicio Clan.

Meanwhile, Julia calls from Spain and doesn't sound all thrilled about being over there. Later, she calls EmoLand when Emo's not home and leaves Mariana a message telling her the ballerina/fairy costumes story and suggesting that she's changed her mind and wants Mariana now. But Mariana doesn't get the message because she's visiting Rafaela and being all cryptic, as if she's going away.

That night, surprise! Julia's back from Spain and looking for Mariana at her apartment (she has a key?), but Emo's gone, she hasn't even heard Julia's message on the phone.

Quote of the episode
Julia (on the answering machine): Mariana, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm crazy. My mother told me it would happen again and I didn't believe her. And now I'm here. Did I ever tell you about the costume? What happened after my father died? I didn't know which one to pick so I chose the fairy one, and then I cried because I wanted the ballerina. Rafaela knew it, I want the ballerina, Mariana. I want..damn it, I don't know what I'm doing.


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Las Aparicio Recaps ep 11-20

What's up, guys?

Still here. Let's get to it.

Episode 11

The family is having one of their standard family dinners, this time to introduce Leo (zzz) to the family. Mariana and Dani are there, but Armando isn't because he's still in the doghouse. Mariana makes a toast to the Aparicio Women because they're the most beautiful women in the world, which makes Dani give Mariana the evil eye. When the girls get a moment alone, Mariana tries to get Julia to talk about what's bothering her, but Julia is still bitchy and doesn't want to talk.

That night, the sisters have one of those awesome sister moments that I love so much. Julia thinks that there must be something wrong with her (which is true, I say) if Armando doesn't think that she's enough and has to be looking elsewhere. When Alma joins in the conversation and listens to Julia talk about her Armando blues, Alma suggests that Armando may be addicted to sex. Julia, who is very impressionable, believes that it could be true and starts looking it up online.

Meanwhile, over at his cave, Armando is with a couple of women who look so skanky that I don't know if they're real or if he's making them up. I also don't care. The next day he feels and looks like shit, crying over Julia.

Over at Mariana's loft, Dani has another one of her jealous fits over Julia. Mariana gets angry that they're having the same fight again and assures her that Julia's like her sister, but Dani insists that nobody treats their sister like she treats Julia. She's also sure that if Julia wasn't straight, Mariana wouldn't hesitate to drop her like a hot potato to be with the Crazy One.

Dani's words hit home and Mariana spends the night awake, lost in thought. She's finally admitted to herself that she's in love with the Crazy One (I'm still not sure why) and when Dani realizes it, she breaks up with Mariana, for both of their sake.

Quote of the episode

Dani (to Mariana): I don't know anyone, ANYONE, who treats her sister like you treat Julia. I don't know anyone who gets as jealous as you do when it comes to Julia. Think about it, Mariana. Maybe you're wasting your time with me. I think that the only reason why I'm still here is because Julia is straight, because if it wasn't for that you wouldn't hesitate for a second before exchanging me for her.

Episode 12

Dani packs her bags and is ready to move out. Before leaving, she tells Mariana to tell Julia how she feels about her, but Emo has officially gone emo and is completely sure that Julia is straight and doesn't love her back. Just as Dani is leaving, Julia arrives needing to talk about her mega redundant Armando bullshit. Mariana is ambiguous about the break up and tries to get Julia to talk about her own problems, but, for once, Julia puts Mariana first and wants to help her get through the break up with movies and ice cream.

I keep telling you, Julia was somewhat sane at some point. I'm starting to fear that it was the lesbian sex what turned on the crazy.

Despite Julia's efforts, Emo wants to stay emo and wants to be alone. I'm assuming that Mariana just can't face Julia at the moment. It would've been a winning attitude, I wish she had kept it up.

Since Mariana doesn't want her, Julia goes to see Armando. She finds him drunk, on the floor, in a fetal position and looking like a complete dumbass. He's all 'woe is me, I'm such an idiot who screws everything up'. Since Julia's really soft and cares about him for some reason, she comforts him. Once he sobers up a little, they have a civil conversation where Julia admits that she wants to let him go, but can't. So she suggests that they should go to therapy because he's a sex addict.

Over at Emo Central, Mariana starts making little videos where she talks about her unrequited love and fantasizing about Julia naked on her bed.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (filming her video): The goal of this project it's to talk about love. And not the kind of love we see every day at malls, at the movies and with the chocolates, but the love that penetrates, the love that hurts, the love that doesn't let you escape.

Episode 13

Julia has found a support group for sex addicts, but Armando isn't sure that he wants to go now that he's no longer in a fetal position on the floor. She insists that they have to find a solution for their problem and when she points out that the relationship is going to hell if they don't do something soon, he agrees to go.

Later, when they come back, Armando is completely outraged at the suggested treatment: 4 months of complete sexual abstinence, they can't even masturbate. I kind of agree with Assmanho on this one, that's pretty retarded. If a sex addict could spend 4 months without sex they wouldn't need the therapy, no?

Their second assignment is for the two of them to spend an hour talking about his infidelities. Specifically, he has to spend an hour telling her about all of the times when he cheated, which are dozens.


After some pressure from Julia, Armando agrees to go through with it and later that day he goes through the list of women that he's cheated on her with. The list is endless and even includes friends of Julia, cousins of his, a sick girl who had a liver transplant and some chick called Eréndira . Then he gets all cryptic and tells Julia that there is one me woman, but he's not sure if she could handle it. But Julia doesn't want to handle it: she's done, she doesn't want to hear any more.

Meanwhile, over at Emoland, Mariana keeps ignoring Julia's calls and working on her little videos.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (filming herself):We all have a 'my love'. My love, has her own. Who does yours have?

Episode 14

Julia visits Mariana to whine about her forced abstinence and Armando's whorish ways. She's too self involved to notice that Mariana is hurting and monosyllabic (what else is new?) and just goes on and on about it endlessly. Too hurt to talk much, Mariana just goes over to Julia and caresses her hair. Julia takes the opportunity to give her a big hug and Mariana just looks emoer by the second.

Over at his cave, Armando is fulfilling his other assignment: calling all the women that he slept with and apologizing to them. I'm not sure why he has to apologize because from what we've seen the women that he tends to sleep around with are kind of loose anyway, so I'm sure no feelings were hurt. So, his therapist kind of sucks. It's still funny, however to see him stuttering when they keep insinuating themselves to him.

That night, Mariana and Julia are at Aparicio Central. Emo wants her project (what's up with that? Is it for youtube, guey?) to include other people, so she wants to interview the Aparicio sisters and ask them about love and fidelity. They start talking about Armando and Alma says that she can understand him, because she too has used sex to fill a void. As for the interview itself, every sister answers according to her personality. Alma would totally forgive an infidelity, Julia babbles on and on and I'm not sure what she means and Meche thinks an infidelity is a betrayal and she can't forgive that.

The next day, Julia walks in on Armando masturbating, which I guess it's an improvement over the cheating, no? She doesn't notice though and asks him if he finished calling the women in his list, but he hasn't since some of them he doesn't even know how to get in touch with.

I'm still surprised that he even remembers their names.

Julia is still sort of mad and keeps whining about the gazillion times that she's forgiven him and about how she can't trust him anymore. The redundancy has begun since she's already said that about three million times.

She even asks him if he did it with Alma, which he denies, but that doesn't stop Julia from freaking herself out and picturing them together.

Quote of the episode

Julia (to Armando, regarding the women he cheated on her with): What? They're so many? So many that you don't even remember how many there are? 20? 30? 50? 100?

Episode 15

Julia still has it in her head that Alma and Armando had sex. Gross. So she visits Alma at the Atelier to confront her about it. She has a run in with Ileana, who was all virginal and anti sex back then and wants Julia to learn that sex outside of marriage is dangerous. They have some talk about STDs and I really think that Julia isn't the one to give this talk.

Alma vehemently denies doing Armando and I really want to believe her because, gross, I want to think that Alma has better taste than that.

Also, Armando is on the verge on an abstinence induced breakdown. He begs her for some sex, but she's still holding on, even though she admits it's hard. Things between them feel very strained, specially when, after the talk with Alma, Julia cries and tells him that she can't believe that she asked Alma such a thing and that he's infecting her with his BS and is going to drive her crazy.

So, was that what awoke the crazy, Julia?

In all this time I think the only scene were there seemed to be some love between those two was he asked her to move in with him, so, why the hell are you together, gueys?

Over at Emoland, Mariana continues doing her lame little videos and ignoring Julia's calls before heading out for a night on the town.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (videotaping herself): Well, if your love has a love, I recommend that you get out and find another one. It's a good attempt at distracting yourself, and maybe you'll get lucky and can make yourself forget the big questions: do I tell her? Do I not tell her? Does she love me? Does she not love me? And focus on the simple ones like, what do I wear?

Episode 16

It's mother's day and Julia barely makes an effort and gives Rafaela flowers. I don't like them as gifts, you can't do anything with them and they whither and die anyway.

Over at EmoCentral, Mariana wakes up, naked, with some strange chick. She seems regretful about it, for some reason.

Later that day, Julia is at Armando's cave. Following their fight/sex pattern, she bickers over some pan he used. He ignores her because he's on the phone, so she takes the phone away like the teenager she is and won't give it back. They struggle over it and end up kissing and almost having sex, but in order for this storyline to work Julia needs to be strong willed (which she isn't later on), so she puts a stop to it. Armando gets angry and leaves in a huff, she can follow the therapy if she wants to, but he's done!

We should make that sex/fight/breakup/makeup/sex/fight/breakup/ since I'm feeling a break up in the horizon.

Julia and Mariana go for a walk and spend the afternoon together discussing Mother's Day. Mariana doesn't believe in it and reminds us that her mother sucks, although eventually she admits she can't help but miss her mom, specially with all the motherly love in the air. Julia is still pretty normal at this point, and supportive, and I can see (a little) why Mariana could have fallen in love with her, although I can't fathom how she could stay in love with her after the crazy came out.

Eventually, their conversation turns to Armando and how Julia plans to spend the day with Mariana to forget about him. Or the lack of sex with him, specifically.

Maybe the abstinence was the key to her sanity back then.

The Assmanho talk continues when they get to Mariana's loft. Mari points out how unfair it is to Julia to be all abstinent if he's the one with the problem. Julia admits that he may be the one addicted to sex, but she's addicted to him (for some reason that I can't fathom either.)

If it was me I'd tell her that she'd be better off with a vibrator.

They go on to talk about the complicatedness of relationships and Julia continues to be in her own little world of self absorption when Mariana keeps talking about being in love with a person she can't admit that to, and Julia doesn't even ask her who that woman is. To pass the time, they even work on a fake script that mirrors their lives, which prompts Julia to go on and on about her situation and the horribleness of being abstinent.

Seriously, guey, just get a vibrator. If it makes you feel better, you can put a curly merkin on it and pretend it's Armando. That's the only thing you use him for, anyway.

Emo wants to outdo Julia's emoness, so she tells her that at least she (Julia) isn't alone, which is worse. Julia assures her that she's not alone and they have a brief semi gay moment when they hold each others' gazes a little too much.

Quote of the episode

Julia (about Armando): He's addicted to sex, and I'm addicted to him, that's the problem.

Episode 17

It's the next day, and Julia and Armando are together, so there must be a fight in the horizon. Since she's the only one in the family allowed to wear scarves, she immediately notices that he's wearing one. Of course, she gets suspicious about it rips it right off, revealing a big hickey underneath. Julia bitches about it (understandably) and walks right off. Armando doesn't even try to justify himself.

Julia drops by Mariana's place and they keep talking about Assmanho some more and working on their fake script, which of course it's about Armando and Julia's situation.

Ay que joderse, no wonder Julia thinks that she's the center of the universe.

Julia whines and whines about the fucking abstinence. She should just go masturbate already. Or better yet, let Mariana do it for her.

During their pretend therapy session, Julia admits that her love with Armando is very shallow and that the only place where they truly understand each other is in bed.

That night, the girls go out dancing together, but they're totally not to going to pick up men/women.

Yeah, right.

When Julia doesn't answer his calls, Assmanho calls some skank to hook up.

I know I'll sound redundant, but, gross.

Quote of the episode

Julia (about her 'love' with Armando): Love should be deep. But that's not how we live every day, we stay on the surface, because if we lived every day in the depths, we would've gone crazy already.

I need to say this: what depth Julia? Armando is about as deep as your bathtub, you shouldn't be afraid.

Episode 18

It's the next day and Assmanho arrives to an empty cave. He's wearing a suspicious looking scarf again, so I'm guessing there are more hickeys involved. When he finds the house empty, he calls Julia, but she doesn't answer because she's half naked on Mariana's bed. With some random dude. So, I guess that Mariana's inability to say no to Julia goes way back, because even though they're not together yet that's still totally inappropriate

Mariana pretends to sleep when Julia shushes the dude out y su caudal de penas no tiene fin so we'll get high quantities of emoness soon enough.

Later in the morning, Julia wakes up. She's too caught up in her own Armando/'i feel so guilty' BS to notice that Mariana is mad. Or disgusted. Or heartbroken.

Probably a mix of the three.

Eventually, Mariana's anger gets the best of her and she's all bitchy to Julia, who thinks that Emo is in a bad mood because she was too loud during sex and didn't let her sleep. Mariana calls her selfish, but Julia is all confused and doesn't get why she's all bitchy like that. Mari can't understand how Julia can be so clueless and eventually tells her to go.

When Julia gets home to Armando later in the day, Armando is angry and jealous and thinks that she spent the night with Mariana, who, by the way, is at her place crying and attacking her own bed to try to erase the images of Julia having sex with some dude on it.

So, if this affects you so much, Emo, how come being on the same bed with Julia while she had sex with Assmanho was chill?

Everyone had a personality change halfway through the series, gueys,

Quote of the episode

Mariana (to Julia, regarding Emo's feelings for her): What's wrong with you, guey? You really don't notice anything?

Episode 19

Emo is at the peak of her Emoness. She keeps ignoring Julia's messages and looking like shit. Armando, on the other hand, throws a jealous fit because of Julia's infidelity. Since he's a complete hypocritical asshole, when she calls Mariana he asks her if she's on the phone with the other dude. In fact, it's like him and Julia had a personality switch later on in the series when they were in Spain, because he's being as manipulative and has the same double standards that she has later on.

He asks her if she enjoyed it with the other guey, if she came, etc. When she asks him why he can't forgive her once when she's forgiven him so many times, he throws the sex addiction BS at her.

Spurned by lover #1, she pays a visit to (potential) lover #2, who's still all sorts of Emo and doesn't want to open the door. Julia keeps insisting and bitching that she's going through hell and her best friend isn't there helping her through it, so Mariana finally opens the door.

Julia is angry and demands to know what's wrong, why Mariana is like this, but Mariana is just too Emo and asks her to just go, which leaves Julia all confused when the door gets slammed in her face. Emo cries.

Since nobody wants her, Julia spends the night bonding with her sisters.

Quote of the episode

Julia (regarding her infidelity): What? After you've done it to me so many times, you can't forgive me once?
Armando: Damn it, Julia, you know perfectly that I'm sick.

Episode 20

The sister bonding continues and Julia keeps whining and whining about how complicated love is.

She whines a lot, I wish she would stop.

Meche tells Julia to not let Armando get to her since he's an asshole who's using his 'sickness' as an excuse, which he totally does. The girls spend the whole night talking and the next day Rafaela kicks Julia out so she can go face Assmanho.

Over at his cave, Julia tries to talk to Assmanho, but he keeps acting all hurt and indignant until he breaks up with her because he needs some space: he can't handle the fact that she screwed some other dude.

Spurned, again, by lover #1, Julia pays a visit to (potential) lover #2. Mariana has calmed down a bit and doesn't kick her out, but she's still hurt. Julia gives her some candy as a peace offering, and Mariana, who can't resist this guey, accepts Julia's hug and friendship.

I can't believe that Julia didn't ask her why the hell she was mad.
Actually, I can.

Later that day, Julia goes back to Armando's cave and packs her things while remembering the .00001 seconds of happiness she had with him while they lived together.

Julia goes back home and she, her sisters + Rafaela/Nana eat some ice cream to soothe their woes.

Quote of the episode

Meche (to Julia, regarding her relationship with Armando): No, Julia, you're not codependent. Don't put that in your head because you're not, my love. Simply, you moved in with a major asshole and that's it. He's using his sickness as an excuse.


Monday, October 25, 2010

Las Aparicio Recaps ep 1-10

What's up, guys?

Apparently, Julia used her black magic on me too, since I'm still here recapping. I just really, really hate leaving things half done.

Things will be different, though. The recaps won't be as thorough as the others. Instead, they'll just a couple of paragraphs, the quote of the day and a few couple of screengrabs per episode.

Let's see if I can get through this. I got to say though, I can't promise you too much funny stuff since I'm barely making an effort here. Besides, part of the funny stuff from the other recaps came from my first impressions of what was going on, something that can't work now because I know how it ends.

Either way, I still hope that you enjoy.

Episode 1

So, let us get back to a time when Armando was a dirty, cheating whore, the level of Julia's insanity was manageable, Dani wasn't into polysex on Virgin beaches (as far as we know) and Mariana still had her dignity intact.

The show starts at the funeral of Meche's husband. Supposedly, someone put a curse on the Aparicio family, so there can be no men: the husbands die and the women only bear girls. Rafaela Aparicio, the family's matriarch, had three husbands that died before their time in freak accidents. She had a daughter with each husband: Alma, Mercedes and Julia. Both Alma and Mercedes are widows. Julia, the youngest one, has never been married.

Julia and Mariana are best friends. They've known each other since the first grade or something and, 20 something years later, they still do everything together. They have a catering business and both are aspiring actresses. Mariana is openly gay and has been out since she was a teenager, something that the Aparicio clan is totally supportive of. Julia's more or less a nymphomaniac who has had countless boyfriends, but the only one who has lasted more than a few months is Armando, who is a successful football player.

Now that we have the background stuff out of the way, let's get to the episode.

Julia and Armando have a really toxic relationship that isn't only shallow, it's based merely on sex. He has cheated on her countless times, yet she forgives him time and time again since she must love the 'fight-sex-fight-sex' cycle they're stuck into. In fact, Armando's asscrack deserved its own place in the series credits in the first few episodes of the show.

They start the series with Julia walking in on him having sex with another woman and him asking her to join. In disgust, she breaks up with him, but that doesn't stop him from stalking her endlessly and proposing marriage to her. She says no and tries to ignore him. In these episodes Armando really deserved the name 'Assmanho'. He even said that he was famous so the women threw themselves at him and he couldn't stop himself. He was pretty gross.

Anyway, from the very beginning, Julia and Mariana were a step away from being a couple already. There's all sorts of funny looks and playful touches and all sorts of hatred from Mariana towards Armando.

After Armando's proposal, Julia and Mariana get drunk and get all philosophical about love. Julia thinks that love is too complicated, while sex is too easy. The flirting continues and they end up kissing and well on their way to sex, with clothes coming off all over the place. Before things get really good, Mariana, who was a saint back then too, puts a halt to it because she knows that Julia's straight.

The episode ends with Julia in her room and looking at herself in the mirror, lost in thought.

The drunk make out has awakened the crazy, gueys.

Quote of the episode

Mariana(to Julia): Don't get confused, guey. I'm the dyke in here.

Episode 2

Julia really enjoys being cheated on and having a boyfriend who's only good for sex since she goes back to see Armando and ends up in bed with him, in fact, it seems as though that's what she goes there for. Maybe she can't resist the sight of his asscrack or maybe that's her way of dealing with her close-encounter-of-the-gay-kind with Mariana. Either way, sex is Julia's way of dealing with everything.

After the sex, she goes to see Mariana to try to clear up what happened between them. Mariana plays it down and assures her that they were just drunk and it was no big deal. However, she seems to have had her own close encounter of the 'i think I'm in love with my best friend, but I need to block it out because she's straight' kind, since she's just gotten back with her girlfriend, Dani 1.0.

The girls keep having their longing looks between each other and that night, when she's with Armando, Julia keeps imagining Mariana and Dani together and has sex with him to block it out.

Quote of the episode

Julia (to Mariana): I'd rather be with you than with anyone else in the world, what do you think that means?

Episode 3

The next day, Julia and Armando choose to stay in their lala land and get back together, even though Julia isn't interested in the marriage thing. Rafaela hates Armando about as much as Mariana does and neither of them are really happy about it.

When Armando goes to visit Julia at Aparicio Central, they have another mini discussion and the Pichichi asks her if there's someone else. She says that there isn't(although she hesitates before saying it) and he keeps wanting to have a more committed relationship, which she finds hard to do because their relationship is about as deep as a puddle: they just have sex and don't even talk about anything or and have anything in common.

Great foundations for everlasting love, don't you think?

Since he's a whore and sex is the awesomenest thing in the world for him, Assmanho insists that what they have is love and that while he may not know her as well as, say Mariana, he knows things that Mariana doesn't know, including the fact that she cries after sex and all sorts of other sex related stuff. Which kind of proves Julia's point, no?

Assmanho also tells her that he knows that she wonders how it would be like to be with Mariana, which we know it's true. That night, Julia has sex with him and, after she comes, she fantasizes that Mariana is in bed naked with them. So the trio fantasy was in Julia's little head from the very beginning.

Quote of the episode

Armando (To Julia): You wonder how it would be to be to have a relationship with a woman, with Mariana, specifically.

Episode 4

Julia and Mariana continue to be joined at the hip. Julia has an audition for erotic monologues or something like that, and wants Mariana to go with her, but she doesn't want to.

Dani 1.0, who is not into polysex and free love yet, has a mega jealousy attack because of Julia (and not the first one from what we see). Mariana assures her that Julia's a mega straight, dick loving, man collector and that, even is Julia was gay, she still would be with Dani.

Yeah, right.

Dani has a hard time believing her too because everytime that Mariana and Julia are together, it's like they're alone in their own planet and she feels left out. Mariana keeps reassuring her and they have sex after, which calms Dani down, for now, anyway.

The next day, Julia goes to her audition with Armando. At the building, they stumble upon a slutty looking reporter who knows Armando (meaning that that they probably did the nasty) and starts flirting with him shamelessly and asking about Spain. Julia is hurt because she knew nothing about the Spain thing. At the casting, Julia looks all hot and Armando gets really turned on at the sight of Julia with a semi see through dress and saying naughty stuff. Immediately when they get home, he wants sex but she wants to know about the Spain thing. He admits that his people are just negotiating and he might get a deal to play for a team there, which hurts her feelings because he hadn't mentioned it to her since their relationship just sucks ass.

That night, Julia cries silently while she looks at his asscrack because she doesn't know if she can trust him.

You know, watching this reminds me of how great the show used to be up to episode sixty something. Even Julia was a real person. It's such a pity that things got so off track. It's also quite shocking to see how different Dani was before they turned her into Armando part deux, with the sex stuff, I mean.

Quote of the episode

Dani (to Mariana): For you it was easy because you always knew, but not for me. You know when I realized it? When I fell in love with a woman. And it had to be you, you know? You have such charm that you can turn any straight woman!

Episode 5

Because, as we confirm later in the series, everyone involved in the Juliana storyline must be into masochism, Dani, Mariana, Julia and Armando go on a double data at Armando's place. Mariana and Dani are all lovey dopey and Julia keeps sending them jealous stares. They play that lame 'what if' game where people say what they would do if ______. Assmanho is a jerk and makes everyone uncomfortable by coming up with his own 'what if': what if you thought your girlfriend was bisexual and into her best friend?

Mariana and Dani take the cue to leave and Julia and Assmanho fight over it. Remember, since they're not having sex, then they must be fighting. She's upset he did that little scene out of jealousy, he feels insecure because Julia prefers to be with Mariana (but really, who wouldn't?).

The next day, when they wake up, they talk some more about their relationship. He wants more commitment from her but, no matter how hard he tries, he still feels her far away. She admits that she's just afraid of loving him and losing him. He promises that he'll never leave her, so Stalkmando shouldn't have shocked us later on.

To prove that she has been in Lala Land long before I thought she was (although she wasn't the queen quite yet), Julia accepts Armando's proposal of moving in with him, even though, you know, their relationship is about as deep as a puddle, he's a cheating whore and all they do is fight. And have sex. Which is what they do next, by the way.

Quote of the episode
Armando: Why did they leave?
Julia: What do you mean, why? Because the game is over.

Episode 6

Ileana is back from US and that stick is stuck firmly in her ass. At a family dinner, she keeps being homophobic and a total bitch to Mariana. She acts all disgusted, doesn't want to be next to Mariana and even refuses to eat at the table with her.

Armando is there too and wants to tell everyone that they're moving in together, but Julia doesn't want to. This prompts even more insecurities from Assmanho, who's a little baby. Mariana seems as secretly annoyed and jealous when Julia is with Armando as Julia is when Mariana is with Dani.

The next day, Julia visits Marina and starts making fun of Dani's hippie books, who lives with Mariana. Julia opens up about her insecurities about moving in with Armando. Doesn't Mariana miss her freedom? Doesn't she get tired of being with Dani all the time? etc, etc.

Mariana assures her that no, she doesn't get sick of Dani, and when she asks Julia if what's really bothering her is that she doesn't think that Armando can handle monogamy, Julia changes the topic. The girls rehearse something else for some other casting call and we hear Alma as a voice over talking about the soulmates legend.

There's also some more Julia/Armando sex because we love it so much (or not) and later they fight some more (of course, they're not having sex at the moment) because Armando keeps getting jealous when Julia keeps mentioning Mariana. The fight turns to Julia's insecurities over Armando's inability to keep it in his pants, which makes Armando whine like a little indignant bitch.

Speaking of Assmanho, he runs into the slutty reporter again. She seduces him and he plays hard to get. She tells him to call her if he changes his mind, which he does after his fight with Julia and they have sex in some dark corner at the TV station where she works.

Quote of the episode

Alma: There was a time when spherical beings lived on Earth . Beings who were whole and complete, with four legs and four arms, who were man and woman in the same being. And those beings were so completed and so happy, that they awakened the gods' anger and they split them in two, condemning them to live forever incomplete and separated, eternally searching for their missing half.

Episode 7

When Armando is about to give the slutty reporter oral sex, she takes a picture of him with her cellphone, so we know that this is going to come back to bite him in the ass. Or penis.

While Armando is giving Julia more cuernos (as if she needs any more) Mariana and Julia rehearse again for some casting call, and this time it's a love declaration that leaves them both pretty breathless when they get in character and the whole thing gets too close to home. They have a moment, but decide to play it down.

Later that day, Armando picks a fight with Julia because she still hasn't talked to Rafaela about moving in with him. He gives her an ultimatum (a day) to decide, which pisses her off even more. She takes her bad mood to Aparicio Central, where she's cooking with Mariana. She even goes off with Rafaela, which prompts Mariana to offer her support. Julia admits that she doesn't know what to do (shocking, I know) because she can't see herself married and isn't sure that she can believe Assmanho when he says that he'll be faithful. Mariana tells her that she has some thinking to do, and hints at her that the problem is that maybe she doesn't love him.

Can we get a 'duh'?

Armando keeps seeing temptation everywhere. Even at his house, where he sees imaginary naked women everywhere, because, you know, a whole day without sex is driving him insane already. Feeling guilty, he surprises Julia with roses and apologizes for the fight they had and promises to give her the time that she wants. Julia isn't really convinced because his hair is wet, which, to her, means that he took a bath because he was recently in bed with someone. They have their mandatory fight per episode.

Such a healthy relationship, gueys.

The next day, the slutty reporter shows up at Armando's house and tries to seduce him but he, miraculously, resists her (barely). Just as the slutty reporter leaves, Julia arrives, luggage in hand, ready to move in with him.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (to Julia): Living as a couple isn't living in a hell or a jail, honestly. I told you about Dani and me the other day. It's about being comfortable and having fun, but the two of you. But the truth is that it's not worth it if there isn't love involved.

Episode 8

The episode begins with Armando and Julia being all bliss about living together. Armando gets a call from the slutty reporter and he pretends not to know her and hangs up just as she starts to tell him him that he can't just 'use her and lose her' like that.

That night, over at Aparicio Central, the girls give Julia a going away party because she's moving in with her cheating ho. There's all sort of sister fun until Ileana spoils it by having a gay panic episode when Mariana accidentally walks in on her shirtless. She locks herself in a closet and later does a little scene in the living room in front of everyone: she bitches and bitches that the gayness isn't normal and even spouts the standard biblical stuff. The Aparicio women vehemently defend Mariana, but the discussion gets so bad that Mariana decides to leave to preserve the peace.

When she gets home, we get to see the first signs of Emo appearing. She didn't just get homophobia from Miss Stick in the Mud, her taxi driver was an asshole too. Dani is supportive and talks as if she identifies as gay, but then again, this is 1.0, not 1.5. Unfortunately, this is also when we get the first of their many anti-homophobia PSAs, but since this is the first one, it is bearable. Dani succeeds in cheering her up and some cuteness follows.

The next day, over at Armando's Cave, version 1, Julia unpacks her bags and wears ugly things around her neck. So, from the very beginning she's loved them, gueys. The phone rings and it's the slutty reporter, who hangs up when she realizes that she's talking to Julia.

Later that day, Julia and Mariana are in chef mode and Dani is in hippie mode, talking about her yoga, new age books on relationships and whatnot. Julia makes fun of her when she leaves, which is uncool because Julia should never make fun of anyone, ever. The girls make the deal that they're not going to criticize each others' relationships.

Since locks seem to be nonexistent in this universe, when Armando gets home he finds it all messy because his stalker, the slutty reporter, was there. She even left that picture of him about to go down on her taped to a wall. In his haste to pick everything up before Julia gets home, a pan accidentally falls on his head and leaves him unconscious, which is how Julia finds him later. She freaks out because she thinks that the curse is already trying to kill him.

If only.

Quote of the episode

Ileana: Well, I'm not going to celebrate any free union.
Julia: Oh, stop it you frigid woman!

Episode 9

Armando pays a visit to the crazy, slutty reporter to tell her to back off. I'm pretty that sure she wasn't intimidated because Armando can't really intimidate anyone, so you can expect the crazy reporter to come back. Armando must be a crazy chick magnet, no?

Julia and Mariana go to the supermarket and later to Aparicio Central to do their cooking thing. Mariana keeps making fun of Armando and his accident, which annoys Julia a little at first, but then she gets distracted because she's worried about the curse, what if it was a sign? Mariana tells her not to worry because there are no curses and, if there were, it's not like the world would lose a lot if it lost Armando.


Later on, Julia joins Assmanho at home and is all about taking care of him, but he's fine and just wants sex. But Julia wants them try to think about something other than sex, which is unthinkable for him.

In some office somewhere, the crazy, slutty reporter is online looking over Julia's profile. She leaves her a comment with the Armando naughty picture attached.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (to Julia, who is distracted): Why don't we make ourselves some brain quesadillas? Of what fell out of Armando's head when the pan hit him? There's not much of it, but something is something, no?

Episode 10

The episode starts with Julia checking her blog and almost reading the stalker's message, but she gets distracted when Armando wants to have sex again. She doesn't want more sex because he's still wounded, plus, it's the only thing they ever do and she can't accept the fact that it's the only thing they have in common.

Later that day, Armando almost reads the message too, but a friend picks him up to go to the gym before he does.

Suspense galore.

That night, at Aparicio Central, Mariana, Julia and Alma play around by pretending to have orgasms, When Harry Met Sally, style. They're cool like that.

The next day, Julia innocently clicks on the naughty picture and all hell breaks lose. I was wondering when the next fight was going to be. Julia demands to know who the woman in the picture is and when that happened. Armando tells her and tries to justify himself by saying he just can't help himself and that after he does it he just feels empty and guilty. But Julia is really hurt and decides to spend the night at Aparicio Central.

Meanwhile, at Mariana's Loft, Dani walks in with the mail, including Mariana's monthly check or transfer receipt or something from her mom. Mariana throws it away, which prompts Dani to ask about it and we get part of Mariana's life story: her dad left her when she was little, her mother married a gringo called Frank who rejected her because she was gay and now they both live in the US and send her a monthly check.

Quote of the episode

Julia (to Armando): Can't you spend a fucking day without fucking??!!!