Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Las Aparicio Recaps ep 71-73

What's up, guys?

I'm back. I took a couple of days off to adapt myself to this damn storyline we've had to endure. I couldn't bring myself to watch again to recap until now.

Hope you enjoy, cause I'm really making an effort here.

Episode 71

My personal hell. Night.

Armando and Julia are in bed post sex. You know, that scene we've never really had with the girls, but we've had 80 million times with these two? Damn it if I wanted to watch so much hetero breeding I would've watched any other freaking show in the universe.

I want my lesbians, goddamn it!

They're breathing kinda hard and talking about how amazing the sex was, how amazing it always is. Assmando has turned into a hippie and goes on and on about how awesome it was, how he feels that now he's finally tuned into Julia.

Armando: It's like, I finally saw you as the person you are: free, passionate, a being of light and love. It doesn't matter how much love you have, you spread it around. And I swear it's okay, you inspire people to give you love. That's why I'm transpiring love. I swear, I feel like I have so much love here, coming out of my pores....and even though you're with her, I love you.
Julia: I love you too.

Armando: Really?

Julia: Don't doubt it, please.

If what you've done is love, then I guess hookers must be cupid like beings who light up the world spreading all that love.

And now I feel like I've just insulted hookers.

They go on and on, the two little lovebirds they are now, about how he really is giving this a shot, bla, bla, bla. Then he asks her if, when they were doing it, Julia was thinking about Mariana. It doesn't bother him, he just wants to know. She admits that she did think about Mariana, and he says he did too. And they kiss and laugh and they're such beings of light that have love coming out of their pores.

Mariana's own personal hell. Night.

Mariana's home reading a book and possibly thinking about her girlfriend getting nailed by a guy. Or at least that's what I'd be thinking about.

To make matters worse for me, but I guess better for her, Hernan arrives. She called him to talk since, like I've said before, she has no other friends and just looooveeees discussing her sex/love life with her dad.

Have I said these people have turned into aliens to me?

Hernan asks her about her 'partner'. She tells him it's her night off.

I gotta say, in all the theories of polyamory, these schmucks picked the worse one, waiting around for your turn to have time with your GF? What. the. fuck.

At least if they were all open to having other relationships or had a triangle where they all loved each other it would seem more fair. Now, the queen is the only one who wins.

Anyway, they talk some more and Mariana complains about the situation and I don't care because she accepted this crap.

Sorry, my love, but you've lost a ton of cool points because of this mess.

Emo feels like there's something missing for her (DUH) and Utopio tries to cheer her up. He tells her he's worried because she doesn't seem happy about the situation (can I get another DUH?) and she tells him happiness doesn't necessarily come instantly. She's sticking it out with Julia because it's a process she agreed to go through, no matter how hard it gets.

Mariana feels she has to do this, not just because she loves Julia, but because she's trying to be true to who she's always been: someone who's always believed that love is free and transcends gender and everything, so, how could she betray her beliefs now?

I call bullshit, Emo. Just because you believe in people's right to choose their way doesn't mean you have to follow them when it's against who you are and what you want. I believe straight people have all the right in the world to love each other, for example, but that doesn't mean I will ever get near a penis.


So, BS Emo, BS.

As Hernan presses more into the matter, she says what I think is the real reason why she's doing it: what she had with Julia pre polymess was her version of a perfect love, and she's sure they can get there again with time.

Really guey? Cause those 30 seconds you spent together Assmando free were okay, but kinda lacking.

Whatever, dude. Stay in your hell, you're a masochist.

They change topics and start talking about the paperwork they have to fill out for Mariana to get Hernan's last name.

She calls him dad.

Mariana's loft. Day.

The happy polyfamily are hanging out having coffee and reading the newspaper.

Julia's whining because neither of her partners want to go to dinner with her to Aparicio Central. Her Majesty whines a lot, doesn't she?

The compadres tease her and tell her she has the day off because they both have things to do, which is good because she seems tired and has dark circles under her eyes.

Yes, let's joke about the fact that our girlfriend's been lacking sleep because she's doing us both, why not? We're all so close now.

I'm so close to hating these gueys, y'all.

Julia thinks they just don't want to go becuase they're afraid of facing Rafaela, and she seems to be right. She goes on and on about the fact that she wants to have a serious talk with her family about their decision.

She storms off in a huff because her loyal subjects have rebelled.

Well, for two seconds anyway.

Julia's whining is really getting on my nerves. We've had 71 fucking episodes of that.


Aparicio Central. Day.

Julia walks into the kitchen, she needs to talk to Rafaela alone.

They move into their studio for privacy and Julia starts giving her mother her polyamory class. Rafaela is having a hard time swallowing the whole thing and Julia actually says maybe she can use a drawing or a graphic to explain.

I think I will kill her soon.

Rafaela agrees.

The Queen goes on and on with the same BS we've heard from her the last 15 episodes. Rafaela immediately asks about Mariana and Armando, she worries about how they are with this thing.

Julia tells her they're okay and that they accepted. Patroncita keeps digging, 'what about jealousy?' etc, etc.

MEC keeps saying that it's all okay, they've made their decision and it's all good, now Julia needs her family to know and support her.

Rafaela looks like she's just lost a daughter. Julia is breaking her heart with this. Still, she pushes through and tells Julia she's okay, she loves her and will always be there for her, but begs her to not hurt anyone.

Patroncita is saying all those things, but she doesn't seem like she means them. She hugs Julia and walks out, on the verge of tears and looking like her heart is broken.

Rafaela: Who are you, Julia? Who are you?

I don't even care to know anymore, Rafaela.

Mariana's Loft. Day.

The compadres are getting ready to go to the Aparicio dinner. Armando is worried about Rafaela's reaction, he whines a bit and says he won't go. Mariana drags him.


Aparicio Central. Day.

During the voice over, we see the family having dinner, including the Queen and her subjects. Rafaela gives them the evil eye.

I concur, Patroncita, I concur.

And tonight I leave you with............ coital Ileana! Cause having sex has really made you hotter, Miss Stick in the Mud, even if the hippie can't give you an orgasm!


Episode 72

Aparicio Central. Day.

The family dinner looks mighty uncomfortable. The sisters try to start small talk with Armando and Mariana, but it doesn't take long for Rafaela to speak up.

Rafaela: Julia, this thing with the three of you isn't gonna work.
Mercedes: Please, not now.

Alma: Please, Mom, we said we were gonna respect them.

Rafaela: I don't understand it, and I'm tired, I'm just sick of your confusions.

The matriarch gets up to walk away and the whole family gets up in a fuss. Miss Center of the Universe (Julia) gets immediately offended and tells her not to go, that she and her subjects will go since they offend her so much.

The sisters and Mariana try to calm the situation down. Emo assures Rafaela it was their decision and it's their responsibility. La Patroncita tells them that Julia manipulated them into it, and that if they looked into their hearts they would know they're broken.

Julia walks away in a huff, YET AGAIN, almost screaming at Rafaela that she expected understanding from her. Her loyal subjects follow.

When outside, MEC cries and whines, YET AGAIN, about how foolish she was when she expected her mother to be okay with it. She feels so bad and rejected, and whatever.

Blah, Julia, I'm tired of you no matter how much I like your ass.

What the hell did you expect? Besides, your family is never gonna agree with everything you do, get over it. At least, regardless of what they say, you know they will be there for you, which is what truly matters.

Mercedes and Alma try to calm Rafaela down. They tell her to take it easy, after all, what the schmucks are doing isn't really hurting anyone. Besides, Alma says, the situation is hard for she and Meche too, but in the end it's up to Julia to find her own way.

La Patroncita doesn't agree.

Rafaela: Julia is heliocentric. She feels that she's the sun and that everyone should revolve around her. Please! Her confusions... she wants to be one thing, then the other...and those are people now...they're gonna crash, really.

Rafaela word=still the word of God.

Our matriarch sends her daughters away, she needs some time alone.

Mariana's loft. Night.

It's Mariana's turn tonight, so the girls are what? Pigging out and watching movies!

Of course... Armando's ass we see all the time, but potential boobies? Just the one time.

TPTB hate me, obviously.

At least the food looks good. I want some ice cream now.

Julia tells Mariana she had a horrible day and wants to be BFFs tonight. Mariana tells her that first and foremost, they'll always be BFFs.

Um, why?

There is a 'friend' in 'girlfriend' you know. No need to separate the two.

The Queen is still hurt over Rafaela's disapproval and Mariana offers support. After all, she knows what it's like to have a parental unit reject you.

I still fail to see how Julia's thing with Rafaela compares to coming out to harsh parents. After all, Rafaela might as well be a PFLAG president, they have to know she'll come around, right? Even if she doesn't agree with what they're doing.

The girls settle in for their movie night.

Later that night, they're bored.

Really? Are you serious, gueys? There's NOTHING at all you can think about doing?

How about you do that thing we never see you do? It's a three letter word that starts with S, ends in X and rhymes with EX. It does wanders to your mood you know.

But, no.

They decide to revert to their childhoods, which can't be so hard given that Julia's 14 already, and start playing 'manitas calientes' or 'hot hands'.

It's not as naughty as it sounds, though. Apparently you have to take your hands away before the other person hits them or something. I don't remember playing that as a child. Maybe it gets naughtier later on since Julia jokes that Mariana likes the game because that's how she discovered her sexuality.


Mariana's loft. Day.


Julia continues to whine over breakfast.

STFU. Nobody cares, you're becoming sleep inducing too.

Her subjects try to cheer her up. They're sure about their relationship and aren't going anywhere

Whatever. This show can be redundant as hell.

The compadres keep bonding.


Tonight I leave you with.........

...........Claudio! Because I totally agree that parenthood isn't as subtle and magical as they want to make it out to be!


Episode 73

Bisexual Polyville. Day.

I've decided to rename Mariana's loft and call it 'Polyville' now. Since Julia and Armando seem to never go home, I'm guessing they've chosen it as their center of operations.

Soon, Armando and Julia are totally gonna do it on her bed. And we'll probably end up seeing it, I just know it.

Anyway, Armando and Julia, sans Mariana (so they're alone in her house), are talking about how cool it is that Mariana is getting her dad's last name: it means so much to her.

Armando is really glad for her because, like I've said before, now he's a good guy we need to feel empathy for now so that the poly thing works. He says Mariana is a really cool and admirable person, so she deserves it. This prompts him to ask Julia what we've been wondering for a while.

Armando: Julia, why do you love me?

Beats the hell outta me, guey.

Julia: What do you mean, why? Because you're so handsome. (laughs)
Armando: No, seriously, I know it's a weird question but, I need to know.

Julia: Well, because, just like you find Mariana admirable, I find you admirable too.
Armando: Me? Admirable? In what sense? I lost everything.
Julia: No, no, no. Don't say those things, they aren't' true. You didn't lose everything. A part of your career is over, but your passion isn't. Look, I love you because you are an incredible fighter. Because you persevere, and you don't give up easily, because you're always fighting to achieve your dreams. That's why I love you. Because of that and many other things.

Huh. La neta, Julia? I thought it was just the fucking.

I gotta say, I appreciate the effort they're putting in to redeem Armando, but as long as he's between my two girls I just can't let myself like him. Sorry. I also gotta say that love must be blinding the hell out of Julia since I haven't seen any of those qualities in him, at all.


Apparently Armando is channeling the audience today, since he's got another question for Julia. How can she love two people who are so different?

Julia: I don't know, I guess it's because, yes, you're very different, but each of you has something special. You're unique, and you complete me... you're my confidants, my friends, my companions...

Again, Julia, I haven't seen Armando being any of those things to you.

The phone rings. Nana is calling to tell Julia her ma wants to talk to her.

Mercedes' Office. Day.

Everyone is being all boring. They're signing the papers to give Mariana Hernan's last name. They're all laughing and touchy and I cringe at the thought of me ever being like that with my dad.


Mercedes is very glad to see them so happy and almost lets it slip out that Hernan is gonna go away. Later on, Meche scolds him for leaving Mariana again, she doesn't know that Utopio is sick and he doesn't tell her.

Aparicio Central. Day.

Rafaela is all nostalgic in Julia's room. Maximo appears and calls her a hypocrite for being this way to Julia, after all, didn't she have lots of lovers in her time? Sometimes more than one at a time?

Orale, Patroncita, who would've thought?

At least Julia, he says, it's doing it out in the open.

Julia walks in and Rafaela seems surprised, she didn't ask her to come, it was all Nana's doing. The two talk anyway.


Long story short: Rafaela still doesn't agree with what Julia's doing, but she's her daughter and she loves her, so she's not going to just abandon her. Julia spouts, YET AGAIN, the same speech we've been hearing for two weeks.

They make up and love each other.

Something I should mention, though, it's that Rafaela tries to get Julia to put herself in Mariana/Armando's shoes. Could she share them with anyone?

The Queen says that no, probably not.

Ha! There's goes all your polyamory BS!

Gym. Day.

Sister time!

It's good to know that they work hard for those bodies!

Nothing too interesting is happening, just them processing current events, like Julia's parallel relationships and Meche's Claudio woes.

Bisexual Polyville. Day.

Hernan is on the phone, by himself. Seven eleven, remember?

He seems to be talking to a doctor. It's bad news: apparently it's metastasis, which means he has cancer and it has spread, no?

That sucks, Hernan.

Mariana walks in. She seems in a good mood and Hernan puts on the show that everything is all right. Emo is not so Emo today, so she's very upbeat and smiley.

I like smiley Mariana.

Utopio needs to talk. Mariana morphs into Emo when she sees him so serious. She can tell bad things are coming.

Hernan doesn't want to talk about his cancer, though, but instead tells her he's getting ready to leave again to work on another of his charities. And you remember that anger I've been waiting for Mariana to direct towards Julia? Well, she directs it, full force, to Hernan.

Mariana is obviously angry. She's gotten used to the idea of a dad, I suppose, and can't believe he's leaving again. She's pissed, very pissed!

Hernan: Mariana, daughter...
Mariana: Don't call me daughter, Hernan! Fuck! You can't call me daughter: being a father means more than two weeks! It means more than a hug after 20 years! It means more than words on a paper! Fuck! You know what? Out of all the places they could send you, I think Juares is perfect. Maybe there, Hernan, you'll find the stray bullet that's had your name on it all these years!


And tonight I leave you with............

....Alex's orgasm class! Do I really need to explain why?


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Episode 71

Hey guys

Just a note to let you know that the recap for ep 71 will come later, probably tonight. I took the night off today because I really needed a breather from this show. It has gone so far off into a direction I don't like that I just couldn't bring myself to go back and watch again to recap and be snarky when I felt so augh about it.

Thanks and keep reading. It's you I do it for.


Sunday, July 25, 2010

Las Aparicio Recaps ep 58-59

What's up guys?

I opened up a twitter account for the blog. If you want to follow it's: QueerStories.

Now, let us commence.

Episode 58

Mariana's Loft. Day.

Boring things are happening.

Hernan is there cooking breakfast: pancakes/hotcakes. He's wearing a very big and dorky looking apron and seems to have no clue of what he's doing.

You know, in the more recent episodes Hernan has actually become more interesting, specially as his relationships with the other characters develop. But, at this point in the show, he's still very much sleep inducing and therefore makes the other characters boring by association.

Meaning: I'm bored with this scene.


Mariana comes in and asks him what he's doing. Wait, did he just walk in and start cooking in someone else's kitchen without asking for permission? This guey has no bounderies, and no, I do not find the effort sweet. What if he walks in on the girls fucking or something? Not cool. Mariana, for the love of God, start locking those doors already, geez.

My girl doesn't mind the violation of privacy, as she very often is not bothered or disturbed by many things I find disrespectful since she's a fictional character who, as the story develops, becomes more and more passive, unfortunately. What she does is get into doctor mode and scolds Utopio, who actually is a doctor, about his diet and how much butter he's using because a man his age needs to take care of himself, bla,bla, bla.


Doc-riana (doctor+Mariana) asks him about his health, then. She's worried he might've wanted to meet her because he's dying. Utopio assures her he's fine and that good health runs in their family.

Julia walks in wearing one of those ugly ass head bands, and the trio sits down for breakfast (tequila!).

Since they hate me, the three keep bonding over breakfast and start talking about their childhoods over at Aparicio Central. Julia says Mariana used to be a difficult, rebellious child who cheated at their games. Considering how immature and fickle you're now, I don't even want to know how you were then, Julia.

They bond some more and Mariana denies being a cheater: she was a winner at everything growing up.


Eventually Utopio leaves and Julia's phone rings.

See how ugly that thing is?

It's the casting people: they got the jobs!

TV lot. Day.

Julia's all excited about getting the part and about all the future opportunities it will bring. Mariana, well, not so much. That dude's nonexistent beard left her scarred for life, I suppose, since she's still whining about it.

The girls run into a woman called Leti, who I assume is a producer or the casting director. She calls Julia, 'Juliana' (thanks for the shout out, writers) and tells her she needs to come sign her contract. Apparently the director loved her work and wants to sign her right away.

Are you sure it wasn't her ass that he loved? Because all we saw in the casting was her standing there looking like a deer caught in headlights. I don't know, maybe there was more to it.

Leti asks Julia if Mariana's her personal assistant, (huh! oh no she didn't! ) and Julia tells her that she's her loyal , I mean, her friend Mariana, who was also cast.

The woman checks and it turns out whoever called them made a mistake: Mariana wasn't chosen.

Mariana is somewhat indifferent.

Julia, however, is not pleased. She's outraged and actually starts to say she's not gonna take the role without Mariana. But Saint Mariana, being the awesome girlfriend she is, shuts her up and encourages her to go for it. She tells Julia that it's a great opportunity for her and not to worry, she (Mariana) will get hers someday too and they'll have other chances to work together.

Have I said that I want to marry this woman?

They flirt a bit, but then Herpes walks in.

My explanation: he's stalking them using high tech GPS tracking devices he's put in Julia's ulgy head bands and Mariana's trusty cowgirl boots. An easy task, given that Mariana's house is like a Seven Eleven: open for all 24/7.

His explanation: he went over there to offer his services to the station as a football commentator, but they don't even want him for that, proving to him that he's completely worthless and that his career is over.

Shall we bring out the sad violin for him just now?

My future wife shares my indifference about it and seems annoyed that he's there, but of course Julia's sympathetic towards him. She tries to cheer him up and tells him to not let himself get down.

When she can't take the whining any longer, Mariana starts to walk away to get Julia's scripts, but Armando stops her and apologizes to them both for being as inssuferable as he's been with the two of them: they don't deserve it. He walks away and Julia looks at him like she bought it.

Ay, Julia.

Tonight, I leave you with..........

.......more topless Juliana kissing! Because, why not? And, at least their kissing has gotten better.


Episode 59.

Mariana's Loft. Day.

Since it's still the same day, Julia is still wearing the ugly head band and is apparently studying the scripts for her gig.

It looks as if she's having trouble concentrating, which doesn't shock me considering this is Julia Aparicio, whose head has to be one scary mess.

Mariana walks in and Julia tells her she's not doing so good: she can't concentrate because she feels sooo bad and weird about doing this without Mariana and about Assmando showing up.

Ooookaaayyy, that makes you feel bad, but not kissing Herpes and hiding it from Mariana?

I think the Queen just likes attention.

Her cool girlfriend reminds her that she already signed the contract, she can't back out now. Besides, as friends they were always together, but, as girlfriends, now they have to encourage each other to do their own thing too., sorry, what? Got distracted by Marianita's boobs.

Anyway, later that day, Mariana's on her laptop watching more war videos and Julia's on the bed reading that script about the three-way that I just know it's gonna put horrible ideas in her little head.

Mariana's Loft. Night.

Mariana and Hernan are cooking together.

Augh, again? All this bonding, God.

She tells him she's been watching videos about the war at El Salvador to understand him better. It made her realize that she believes so profoundly in the freedom and right to love, in an Utopian world where there's no homophobia, that she would be willing go up in arms and go till the end to defend that ideal.

Orale. Hardcore, Mariana.

Honestly, I wouldn't. Does that make me a crappy lesbian?

Hernan, of course, is beyond proud and finally feels they're connecting.

Meanwhile, Julia's sleeping on Mariana's bed, did Hernan bore her to sleep, even from afar?

She's drooling all over her script and dreaming horrible, horrible things.

I just threw up a little.

Didn't I say the freaking gig would put ideas in her head? Auuughhh.

Julia wakes up, startled, as does Armando back at his cave.

What. The. Hell?

Are these two telepathic now? United in their souls by their desire to fuck?

Did I say augh, already?

He almost calls her, but stops himself.


Later that night, Mariana wakes Julia up, who's drooling all over her script again.

Since these people keep proving to me that they are NOT like me at ALL, the first thing Julia does when she wakes up is tell Mariana about the erotic dream she just had with her boyfriend.

Ay, Julia.

MEC tells her she had a dream, and Mariana, in true Mariana fashion, guesses that Armando was there. Julia tells her that yes, he was there, but so was she (Mariana).

Mariana: No. A threesome? With that guey?
Julia: Stop, Mariana.
Mariana: Was it good?

No, Mariana, not good. Not good at all. Don't joke about it with her! Don't you know Julia? Don't you know she's gonna start wanting it for real in two seconds?

Ay, Mariana.

Mari jokes around some more, about how if she has to have a threesome with Julia's ex, it better have been a great erotic dream. MEC says that she feels guilty, but Little Miss Perfect GF assures her that it's okay, she understands it's hard to get an ex out of one's subconscious, specially an ex who's still very much in her life.

Mariana! Are you nuts? Maybe for a normal person it might work like that, but not for Julia Aparicio, guey. God, you're killing me here.

She goes on to say she too sometimes dreams about Dany, her ex, only not in terms of a threesome with Julia.

Julia jokingly scolds her that she can't dream about Dany without her (Julia) present in the dream, too.

Mariana: But if you're there then it's okay?
Julia: Maybe.
Mariana: Well, in that case, let's go to sleep, mamacita, cause I'm liking that dream!

They kiss and giggle and it's all okay.

Fools, these two, blind fools.

Later that night, as Nana's voice over talks about temptation, the girls cuddle, but Julia's mind is far away....

And you know what? I'm sick and tired of seeing these three in bed together, gueys. Julia's fantasy, Armando's fantasy, the promotional bit in between commercial breaks.....


We see it more often than just the girls in bed together, which is soo wrong.

And goddamn it, there's Armando's buttcrack again!


Tonight I leave you with.....

........Nana fondling Rafaela's boob looking for lumps! So you too can be as disturbed as I was!

Enjoy (if you can).

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Las Aparicio Recaps eps 56-57

Episode 56

Mariana's Loft. Day.

During the VO, Nana talks about how hidden things always make their way back to us while we see this devil's omen:

It makes reference to a story Rafaela mentioned about Julia's childhood that highlighted her inability to choose between a fairy costume and the ballerina one.

I don't think I need to explain to you all what it means, do I? Horrible things, gueys, horrible things.

Alma's Atelier. Day.

These three continue to be despicable human beings who are actually talking and making plans about how to destroy a romantic relationship between two people who are nice, who love each other and are hurting no one with their love.

Great family values, Ileana.

Miss Stick in the Mud wants to know, did Julia get jealous? When Armando tells her he doesn't know, but that Mariana definitely got jealous, Ileana suggests that maybe that should be the plan, to turn Mariana against Julia.


I gotta say I'm disappointed in you, Bruno, I thought you were a nice hippie.

The hippie asks, what about Valeria? And when Ileana walks away for a second he makes gross signals to Armando, which I assume were supposed to ask if he had sex with her.

Do you all have to be so gross?

Valeria comes out of one of Alma's classes and spots Armando. She tells him she wants to talk to him.

Assmando starts spouting out his usual BS about how great Val was, but how he just isn't looking for a serious relationship right now.

It's ok, she says, that's exactly what she wanted to tell him too. She didn't want him to get his hopes up or something.

Score! Wounded manhood again! Thank you, Miss Pretty Eyes.

Now, of course, he wants to know why she's not interested. What's up? Is there someone else?

When she says that no, but that thank you, because he helped her exorcise some demons, Cuca acts all wounded because she used him.

Get over yourself, dude. You're not that cool or interesting and the only one who will ever be enthralled by your penis is Julia, possibly because you hired some sort of shaman to do black magic on her.

That's the only explanation.

Mariana's Loft. Day.

Julia's on the phone with a casting agent or producer who wants them to audition for parts on a TV series.

The Queen is all excited and wants to celebrate with a romantic dinner followed by a night dancing on the town.

Add to that a whole night of sexy time, Julia, and it sounds perfect to me.

Mariana, however, is insane and doesn't want to go because she's got dinner plans with Hernan. When Julia kinda invites herself to them, Dumbriana (Dumb+Mariana) tells her that she kinda wanted to spend the night with her dad, by themselves, because there's things they still need to talk about.

WHAT???? Are you crazy, guey?

You're giving up potential sexy time with your GF to spend time with your dad? Your very boring, sleep inducing dad?

Besides, if you don't spend the night with her, who do you think she's gonna go to? Who's her only other friend?

Ay, Mariana, you're just asking for it.

Julia pouts a little, but says she understands, it's okay.

No, it's not. Bad things are gonna happen.

Mariana's Loft. Night.

This scene is really long and poignant, I suppose, but I don't like it so I'm just gonna race through it.

Mariana and Hernan talk about war experiences he's never shared with anyone. He tells her about a couple of soldier kids he killed when he was in the guerrilla or in the jungle or whatever, and about how his lover died saving some people or something. Those experiences are what prompted him to come looking for her, he realized that he had three big regrets: killing those kids, letting his lover die and never meeting his daughter. So he came to find her.

There's lots of crying.

I gotta say that Eren, playing Mariana, is gonna become a really, really good crier.

Armando's Loft. Night.

Meanwhile, in a move that shocks no one, Julia decided to go hang out with Assmando. Because you know, it's totally cool and appropriate. I'm sure you didn't even tell Mariana, right?

Such a cool girlfriend you are Julia Aparicio, why couldn't you be mine?

You can sense the sarcasm, right?

The new BFFs are hanging out, talking about Valeria and how she told Armando off. Julia tells him he probably just wanted her for a screw and then sent her packing. Julia sounds jealous that he had sex with Valeria, and he tells her that he regrets doing it because...

Armando: I feel like, look, like I'm wasting my life away, my I'm wasting away my I'm...just working towards being alone...

He is sooo full of shit it's coming out every orifice in his body right now.

Ok, ew, that's a gross image.

Julia, whom we know has the emotional maturity of a 14 year old, buys into his crap and is amazed by his emotional growth. As she's praising his BS, he kisses her, thus confirming that everything he's said IS utter bullshit.

Julia doesn't push him away, slap him and kick him in his balls as I wanted her to.


She gets her things to leave. She doesn't know what she's doing and now he's confusing her more.

Can I say it again? DUH. That's why you're not friends with your exes right after you break up with them.

Jesus, these people.

Armando goes for it and tells her he still has strong feelings for her and wants to be with her. She begs him to stop. He asks her to ask herself why she's there right now.

Julia: I'm here because I love you, because you're my friend and you matter to me. And because you have to understand we're not together anymore, you have to understand that, seriously.

Herpes then tells her they should make their friendship stronger then, but she tells him that can't happen if he keeps kissing her and confusing her.

Guey, if you tell him that, he's gonna kiss you more. Hello? Duh.

She leaves him, telling him that she's confused and needs to think and to please not call her, she'll call him.

And I'm mad because during all of this, she didn't tell him flat out she couldn't be with him because she's in love with Mariana.


And tonight I leave you with...

.......because she hurt Armando's ego, thus giving me pleasure!


Episode 57

During Nana's voice over, Mariana is looking at war videos on her laptop and Julia's sucking her thumb.

I'm guessing Mariana is trying to feel more connected to her pa, and Julia's conflicted about that kiss.

Bet you didn't tell Emo, did you?

Ay, Julia. What to do with you?

I know I tend to do a lot of Julia bashing, but I do like her a lot, which is why I get how I get when she keeps doing all of these shitty and crazy things.

Mariana's Loft. Day.

Mariana continues to watch war videos on the net. Julia walks in (I repeat, does she live there already?) and asks her if she's on twitter so early in the morning. I wish I had the name of her twitter account so I can seduce, be pen pals with her.

Emo tells her that, no, she's just reading something and closes her laptop in a hurry, like her mom just walked in on her watching internet porn.

Um, how come you did that, Mari?

I don't know, maybe she just doesn't want to talk about it, but I think it's too early for these two to be lying and secretive with each other, already, don't you think?


Julia has come bearing scripts for their casting. The TV series, remember? Mariana asks her what's the story about and Jules tells her it's about two friends(girls) who fall and for the same guy. One day, one of the girls walks in on her friend and the guy, which creates all this drama and presents the question: is love between three people possible?

Ok. Apparently the entire universe hates Mariana (and me), because we just know something like this is gonna put ideas in Julia's head. She's so young and impressionable, remember?

Mariana: Orale. It's cool, no?
Julia: Cool? I don't think so. I think it's sucks. It's a classic. I swear, TV writers have no imagination, they always write everything revolving around a love triangle. Why don't they write, I don't know, a foursome or an hexagon or something like that, super different?

First of all, no Mariana is NOT cool. You keep digging your own grave, guey, don't say things like that! Can't you recognize foreshadowing when you hear it?

Second of all: Tash? Tania? Did you write that? I love people who don't take themselves so serioursly so, kudos for you. Although, foursome? hexagon? Joder, my head would explode.

Mariana says that things are complicated enough with two people without the need to be adding more people in the mix. With Julia Aparicio, I'd say things are complicated enough just between her and her hand. That girl's head scares the hell out of me.

Jules jokes that it's gonna be fun to see the two of them fighting over man, something that hasn't happened since fourth grade, when they fought over some kid Abraham.

Nooo! Says Mariana, she never wanted him, just his Power Rangers lunchbox!


You're totally a gold star lesbo aren't you, Marianita? I dig.

Julia keeps teasing Mariana and tells her she's also gonna have to do something she hasn't done in maaaaanyyyyyy yearsssss: kiss a guy!

What?! The horror!

Mariana is grossed out and Julia seems delighted.

What the hell, dudes?

If you haven't kissed a guy in a gazillion years, then you've apparently haven't done much acting, Mariana. Because pretty much every story has a love story and 99.8% of them are straight love stories.

And Julia, why are you so excited about your girlfriend putting her tongue down some dude's throat?

You guys confuse me.

Mariana continues to whine, what if he has a beard? Julia continues to tease her.

In the end, our suspected gold star tells Julia she wants to practice the kissing on her and the two squeal and laugh as they kiss and fall on the bed.

Good times. Enjoy them, dear readers.

TV Studio. Day.

You ready to walk into a freaky parallel universe?

Mariana is kissing a guy. Wearing a dress. And heels.

It's so disturbing, you guys. Somebody hold me. Please?

Wanna make it even weirder? The guy is actually Eren's real life fiance. I'm not sure how I should process this freaky moment.

Eventually, glasses!Julia walks in and the guy asks her if she wants to join in.

I'm so sick of that particular male fantasy, I gotta say.

As Julia looks at them, all shocked and confused, she has another Assmando flashback. She remembers when she walked in on him doing some random girl and he asked her to join in.


I don't even wanna know what that means or what's going through her mind. It's a scary place, as I've said, I don't wanna go there.

The director yells, 'cut!' and congratulates them on a good job, even though he tells Julia her reaction has to come faster.

Mariana walks over to Julia and scolds her for taking so long to react, thus prolonging her sexy time with the dude, who has a beard!

Later on, when they're done, the director tells the girls to stay. He wants to talk to them. Julia's excited because she thinks that means they got the job. Mariana: not as excited. She's still traumatized about the guy's beard.

What beard? I didn't see much.

Oh, you're so very gay, Mariana. I love you. But with that attitude I don't see much future for you as an actress unless you write and produce everything and ban all men from your productions.

Julia teases her that she thought Mari liked it a bit too much and was one take away from switching teams.

Jules! Don't even joke about things like that! I would lose all faith in humanity! My girl tells her 'no way!' In fact, she was one take away from slapping him from being so touchy.

Have I said I love her?

Anyway, Mariana says that even if she gets the job, she doesn't like it and thinks she's gonna pass on it.

Julia tells her no way, she has to take the job so they can work together and have all sorts of fun. Plus, they need the money. Seriously, are you living together already?

To persuade her, Julia drags her away to a corner and the two make out.


But, they still gotta work on their kissing, sorry to say.

Armando's Cave. Night.

Assmando is home alone. He's calling people to hang out, but everyone is too busy for him now that he's no longer a star.

It just goes to show how shallow he was/is and why he keeps stalking Julia: she's the only one who cares about him.

Mariana's Loft. Night.

Good things are happening.

Julia is giving Mariana a massage, mmmm, can I get one too, Julia?

Suddenly Mariana sits up, a realization has just hit her: Hernan came back to Mexico to die.


Where did that come from? Julia seems confused and so am I.

Mariana's Loft (?). Night.

Even better things are happening, right?

The girls are kissing and on their way to sex, but there's something off about the whole thing. As the camera moves, we see this atrocity:

Assmando's there, ready to get in.

Ew, ew, ew, ew.

He seems too weird and ghostly to be real. For a moment, I panic thinking that now Julia's gonna have her own ghostly Armando a la Maximo style, constantly telling her how much she wants him.

But when Julia invites him in, I know the whole thing has to to be a fantasy.

Then I panic at the thought of it being Julia's fantasy. Ew, ew, ew.

Thankfully, it's not. For now anyway.

Phew, I was scared for a moment. But the devil's omens keep piling on.

Sigh. Have I said I'm tired of this particular fantasy anyway? So cliché, Armando.

Well, tonight I leave you with...........

….........Mariana's bra! Cause apparently she loves to show it, and I love it to see on her!