Saturday, July 24, 2010

Las Aparicio Recaps eps 56-57

Episode 56

Mariana's Loft. Day.

During the VO, Nana talks about how hidden things always make their way back to us while we see this devil's omen:

It makes reference to a story Rafaela mentioned about Julia's childhood that highlighted her inability to choose between a fairy costume and the ballerina one.

I don't think I need to explain to you all what it means, do I? Horrible things, gueys, horrible things.

Alma's Atelier. Day.

These three continue to be despicable human beings who are actually talking and making plans about how to destroy a romantic relationship between two people who are nice, who love each other and are hurting no one with their love.

Great family values, Ileana.

Miss Stick in the Mud wants to know, did Julia get jealous? When Armando tells her he doesn't know, but that Mariana definitely got jealous, Ileana suggests that maybe that should be the plan, to turn Mariana against Julia.


I gotta say I'm disappointed in you, Bruno, I thought you were a nice hippie.

The hippie asks, what about Valeria? And when Ileana walks away for a second he makes gross signals to Armando, which I assume were supposed to ask if he had sex with her.

Do you all have to be so gross?

Valeria comes out of one of Alma's classes and spots Armando. She tells him she wants to talk to him.

Assmando starts spouting out his usual BS about how great Val was, but how he just isn't looking for a serious relationship right now.

It's ok, she says, that's exactly what she wanted to tell him too. She didn't want him to get his hopes up or something.

Score! Wounded manhood again! Thank you, Miss Pretty Eyes.

Now, of course, he wants to know why she's not interested. What's up? Is there someone else?

When she says that no, but that thank you, because he helped her exorcise some demons, Cuca acts all wounded because she used him.

Get over yourself, dude. You're not that cool or interesting and the only one who will ever be enthralled by your penis is Julia, possibly because you hired some sort of shaman to do black magic on her.

That's the only explanation.

Mariana's Loft. Day.

Julia's on the phone with a casting agent or producer who wants them to audition for parts on a TV series.

The Queen is all excited and wants to celebrate with a romantic dinner followed by a night dancing on the town.

Add to that a whole night of sexy time, Julia, and it sounds perfect to me.

Mariana, however, is insane and doesn't want to go because she's got dinner plans with Hernan. When Julia kinda invites herself to them, Dumbriana (Dumb+Mariana) tells her that she kinda wanted to spend the night with her dad, by themselves, because there's things they still need to talk about.

WHAT???? Are you crazy, guey?

You're giving up potential sexy time with your GF to spend time with your dad? Your very boring, sleep inducing dad?

Besides, if you don't spend the night with her, who do you think she's gonna go to? Who's her only other friend?

Ay, Mariana, you're just asking for it.

Julia pouts a little, but says she understands, it's okay.

No, it's not. Bad things are gonna happen.

Mariana's Loft. Night.

This scene is really long and poignant, I suppose, but I don't like it so I'm just gonna race through it.

Mariana and Hernan talk about war experiences he's never shared with anyone. He tells her about a couple of soldier kids he killed when he was in the guerrilla or in the jungle or whatever, and about how his lover died saving some people or something. Those experiences are what prompted him to come looking for her, he realized that he had three big regrets: killing those kids, letting his lover die and never meeting his daughter. So he came to find her.

There's lots of crying.

I gotta say that Eren, playing Mariana, is gonna become a really, really good crier.

Armando's Loft. Night.

Meanwhile, in a move that shocks no one, Julia decided to go hang out with Assmando. Because you know, it's totally cool and appropriate. I'm sure you didn't even tell Mariana, right?

Such a cool girlfriend you are Julia Aparicio, why couldn't you be mine?

You can sense the sarcasm, right?

The new BFFs are hanging out, talking about Valeria and how she told Armando off. Julia tells him he probably just wanted her for a screw and then sent her packing. Julia sounds jealous that he had sex with Valeria, and he tells her that he regrets doing it because...

Armando: I feel like, look, like I'm wasting my life away, my I'm wasting away my I'm...just working towards being alone...

He is sooo full of shit it's coming out every orifice in his body right now.

Ok, ew, that's a gross image.

Julia, whom we know has the emotional maturity of a 14 year old, buys into his crap and is amazed by his emotional growth. As she's praising his BS, he kisses her, thus confirming that everything he's said IS utter bullshit.

Julia doesn't push him away, slap him and kick him in his balls as I wanted her to.


She gets her things to leave. She doesn't know what she's doing and now he's confusing her more.

Can I say it again? DUH. That's why you're not friends with your exes right after you break up with them.

Jesus, these people.

Armando goes for it and tells her he still has strong feelings for her and wants to be with her. She begs him to stop. He asks her to ask herself why she's there right now.

Julia: I'm here because I love you, because you're my friend and you matter to me. And because you have to understand we're not together anymore, you have to understand that, seriously.

Herpes then tells her they should make their friendship stronger then, but she tells him that can't happen if he keeps kissing her and confusing her.

Guey, if you tell him that, he's gonna kiss you more. Hello? Duh.

She leaves him, telling him that she's confused and needs to think and to please not call her, she'll call him.

And I'm mad because during all of this, she didn't tell him flat out she couldn't be with him because she's in love with Mariana.


And tonight I leave you with...

.......because she hurt Armando's ego, thus giving me pleasure!


Episode 57

During Nana's voice over, Mariana is looking at war videos on her laptop and Julia's sucking her thumb.

I'm guessing Mariana is trying to feel more connected to her pa, and Julia's conflicted about that kiss.

Bet you didn't tell Emo, did you?

Ay, Julia. What to do with you?

I know I tend to do a lot of Julia bashing, but I do like her a lot, which is why I get how I get when she keeps doing all of these shitty and crazy things.

Mariana's Loft. Day.

Mariana continues to watch war videos on the net. Julia walks in (I repeat, does she live there already?) and asks her if she's on twitter so early in the morning. I wish I had the name of her twitter account so I can seduce, be pen pals with her.

Emo tells her that, no, she's just reading something and closes her laptop in a hurry, like her mom just walked in on her watching internet porn.

Um, how come you did that, Mari?

I don't know, maybe she just doesn't want to talk about it, but I think it's too early for these two to be lying and secretive with each other, already, don't you think?


Julia has come bearing scripts for their casting. The TV series, remember? Mariana asks her what's the story about and Jules tells her it's about two friends(girls) who fall and for the same guy. One day, one of the girls walks in on her friend and the guy, which creates all this drama and presents the question: is love between three people possible?

Ok. Apparently the entire universe hates Mariana (and me), because we just know something like this is gonna put ideas in Julia's head. She's so young and impressionable, remember?

Mariana: Orale. It's cool, no?
Julia: Cool? I don't think so. I think it's sucks. It's a classic. I swear, TV writers have no imagination, they always write everything revolving around a love triangle. Why don't they write, I don't know, a foursome or an hexagon or something like that, super different?

First of all, no Mariana is NOT cool. You keep digging your own grave, guey, don't say things like that! Can't you recognize foreshadowing when you hear it?

Second of all: Tash? Tania? Did you write that? I love people who don't take themselves so serioursly so, kudos for you. Although, foursome? hexagon? Joder, my head would explode.

Mariana says that things are complicated enough with two people without the need to be adding more people in the mix. With Julia Aparicio, I'd say things are complicated enough just between her and her hand. That girl's head scares the hell out of me.

Jules jokes that it's gonna be fun to see the two of them fighting over man, something that hasn't happened since fourth grade, when they fought over some kid Abraham.

Nooo! Says Mariana, she never wanted him, just his Power Rangers lunchbox!


You're totally a gold star lesbo aren't you, Marianita? I dig.

Julia keeps teasing Mariana and tells her she's also gonna have to do something she hasn't done in maaaaanyyyyyy yearsssss: kiss a guy!

What?! The horror!

Mariana is grossed out and Julia seems delighted.

What the hell, dudes?

If you haven't kissed a guy in a gazillion years, then you've apparently haven't done much acting, Mariana. Because pretty much every story has a love story and 99.8% of them are straight love stories.

And Julia, why are you so excited about your girlfriend putting her tongue down some dude's throat?

You guys confuse me.

Mariana continues to whine, what if he has a beard? Julia continues to tease her.

In the end, our suspected gold star tells Julia she wants to practice the kissing on her and the two squeal and laugh as they kiss and fall on the bed.

Good times. Enjoy them, dear readers.

TV Studio. Day.

You ready to walk into a freaky parallel universe?

Mariana is kissing a guy. Wearing a dress. And heels.

It's so disturbing, you guys. Somebody hold me. Please?

Wanna make it even weirder? The guy is actually Eren's real life fiance. I'm not sure how I should process this freaky moment.

Eventually, glasses!Julia walks in and the guy asks her if she wants to join in.

I'm so sick of that particular male fantasy, I gotta say.

As Julia looks at them, all shocked and confused, she has another Assmando flashback. She remembers when she walked in on him doing some random girl and he asked her to join in.


I don't even wanna know what that means or what's going through her mind. It's a scary place, as I've said, I don't wanna go there.

The director yells, 'cut!' and congratulates them on a good job, even though he tells Julia her reaction has to come faster.

Mariana walks over to Julia and scolds her for taking so long to react, thus prolonging her sexy time with the dude, who has a beard!

Later on, when they're done, the director tells the girls to stay. He wants to talk to them. Julia's excited because she thinks that means they got the job. Mariana: not as excited. She's still traumatized about the guy's beard.

What beard? I didn't see much.

Oh, you're so very gay, Mariana. I love you. But with that attitude I don't see much future for you as an actress unless you write and produce everything and ban all men from your productions.

Julia teases her that she thought Mari liked it a bit too much and was one take away from switching teams.

Jules! Don't even joke about things like that! I would lose all faith in humanity! My girl tells her 'no way!' In fact, she was one take away from slapping him from being so touchy.

Have I said I love her?

Anyway, Mariana says that even if she gets the job, she doesn't like it and thinks she's gonna pass on it.

Julia tells her no way, she has to take the job so they can work together and have all sorts of fun. Plus, they need the money. Seriously, are you living together already?

To persuade her, Julia drags her away to a corner and the two make out.


But, they still gotta work on their kissing, sorry to say.

Armando's Cave. Night.

Assmando is home alone. He's calling people to hang out, but everyone is too busy for him now that he's no longer a star.

It just goes to show how shallow he was/is and why he keeps stalking Julia: she's the only one who cares about him.

Mariana's Loft. Night.

Good things are happening.

Julia is giving Mariana a massage, mmmm, can I get one too, Julia?

Suddenly Mariana sits up, a realization has just hit her: Hernan came back to Mexico to die.


Where did that come from? Julia seems confused and so am I.

Mariana's Loft (?). Night.

Even better things are happening, right?

The girls are kissing and on their way to sex, but there's something off about the whole thing. As the camera moves, we see this atrocity:

Assmando's there, ready to get in.

Ew, ew, ew, ew.

He seems too weird and ghostly to be real. For a moment, I panic thinking that now Julia's gonna have her own ghostly Armando a la Maximo style, constantly telling her how much she wants him.

But when Julia invites him in, I know the whole thing has to to be a fantasy.

Then I panic at the thought of it being Julia's fantasy. Ew, ew, ew.

Thankfully, it's not. For now anyway.

Phew, I was scared for a moment. But the devil's omens keep piling on.

Sigh. Have I said I'm tired of this particular fantasy anyway? So cliché, Armando.

Well, tonight I leave you with...........

….........Mariana's bra! Cause apparently she loves to show it, and I love it to see on her!


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