Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Announcement regarding Lip Service

What's up, guys?

I tried. I really tried to like this show, but I don't. I don't dislike it or anything, but it just doesn't hook me in. I even tried recapping, but I barely made it halfway through episode one because I was so bored.

I hope you can forgive, faithful readers. I really hate going back on my word, but I'm a fierce believer of being honest with oneself, and this is honest. I also want to take this opportunity to thank you all for all the comments and the support. It was really fun.

If there is every a time when I feel truly compelled to write about some other show or movie, I will. As of right now, there isn't such a show, so I'm spending my energies elsewhere.

Kisses and Happy Holidays!


ETA: Since it's already written, I'm adding the recap for half of episode one. I hope you enjoy.


What's up, guys?

So, here we are. Better late than never, right?

Hope you enjoy.

Episode 1

Photo Studio. Somewhere in the US. Night.

As our lovely story begins, I suddenly fear for a second that I've tuned into the wrong show and wonder if things will look very Shane today.

Right off the bat we got a big problem since I'm already over the smooth talking, emo lesbian who has sex with everything with a vagina and who, for some reason, women, gay/straight/bisexual/trisexual/polysexual/aliens with tentacles can't resist and want to screw. That's without mentioning the eternal 'I'm such a fuck up, my life sucks so much since everyone loves me and wants me but I act like a total bitch for no reason and hurt everyone...mi caudal de penas no tiene fin.'

Needless to say, I really don't understand the appeal of this archetype.

You have an uphill battle, Shane part deux, if you're going to make me like you.


The blond one, called Frankie, is a photographer. She's taking pictures of a stanky looking model who so nicely helps us get some exposition through their conversation: Frankie was born in London but moved to Glasgow when she was eleven and to the States two years ago.

The skany model starts to check Frankie out, even though she keeps talking about the boyfriend who she plans to marry. Since Frankie probably has a loooooooooooottttttttttttttt of mileage and can recognize the signs instantly, they proceed to get it on.


I'm seriously rolling my eyes.

Before they can get too far, Frankie's phone rings: her aunt, who raised her, just died. Frankie looks hurt for a second, but when the model tells her she's sorry, Frankie acts cold.

Frankie: Don't be. The way I see it, one family member down, two to go. Now, where were we?

The sex continues.

Aughhh... I've known you three minutes, literally, and I don't like you already, guey. That's a record.

The next day, Frankie, still lost in thought, starts looking over facebook photos of people who, I suppose, used to be her friends back home. One of them particularly stands out:

As she looks at the pictures, Frankie listens to her answering machine which screws me up because it must be 1995 if she still has an answering machine, yet facebook exists.

It must be an alternative universe.

One of the messages is from the dead aunt, who called before she died (or not, anything is possible) and left her a cryptic message telling her that she(the aunt) needed to talk to Frankie about something important.

Intrigued, Frankie goes back home.

Um, Frankie, dear, unless you go all Ghost Whisperer on me, she ain't telling you nothing.

Scotland. Day.

When she gets to Glasgow (which is in Scotland, by the way, I looked it up), a guy called Jay who may be the male version of Frankie picks her up. In the car, as they drive...somewhere, they chit chat for a bit about Jay's whorish ways and how he even thinks that his own sister it hot.

The conversation then turns to Cat (the woman in the photo) who works at Jay's firm and seems to have some past with Frankie.

Frankie totally wants to see her, but since her job is to be emo at all times, she tells Jay that she's not sure if she wants to see her.

If she was nice, she's leave the poor girl alone and out of her BS.

But of course, this is fiction, so....

Cat and Tess' Place. Day.

Cat's on her computer doing work stuff. From the looks of it, she's an architect, and a really anal one.

If the history those two had is romantic, which it totally was, there's horrible probably happened and will happen again.

Anyway, she keeps typing away when, suddenly, someone called Sam from a dating site starts chatting with her and invites her for a drink.

Tonight. The very same day when Frankie came home.

Good one, writers.

Right at that moment, when Cat is considering whether or not to say yes, Tess, the true highlight of the series walks in.

Love, love, love me some Tess.

She's freaking out because her ex girlfriend, who dumped her and who she calls a 'filthy trollop', lol, is using a sexy picture Tess herself took as her facebook profile picture.

Did facebook pay for the product placement or what?

After throwing a cute fit over the bitchy ex, Tess notices Cat's activities on, wait for it, Gaydar.

Cat, who is also cute on her own neurotic/controlling/anal retentive way (I just added the 'retentive' because I just realized how it could sound potentially naughty without it) thinks that maybe she should suggest another day so she can have more time to prepare and be sure that she's ready.

Tess: Frankie was two years ago, how much more ready can you be?

Now, who didn't see that one coming?

Cat is still nervous and freaking about her need of a haircut, the stain in the carpet and all sorts of things people won't notice when they're interested in doing it with you.

Tess insists that she needs to move on already and Cat accepts the date with the 'butch', 'hot', cop.

Later that day, Tess is being her insecure self while trying on a gazillion outfits for an audition.

What's up with all the fictional lesbians being actresses now?

Her best friend, a lovely guy called Ed (who is Cat's brother BTW) is helping her out and cheering her up since she is really, really insecure. The facebook picture drama is just making things worse and making her freak up even more.

Facebook is evil. An evil succubous. And not the hot kind like Bo from 'Lost Girl'.

The facebook talk leads into Ed's inability to meet women, even though he's a funny, nice guy.

I understand his frustration. People tend walk all over nice people and find assholes irresistible (case in point, Frankie).

Don't worry, Ed, I like you. Not that it helps coming from a homo....

He complains that women don't go for poor novelist wannabes.

Tess: You are attractive.
Ed: Really? You never said I'm attractive before.

Tess: Well, I am a lesbian, so I'm not so sure it counts.

His face at her words and the fact that he was checking her our before are all the evidence we need to know that his into her.

But really, who wouldn't?

Tess then has the super awesome idea to go to the filthy trollop's apartment to get a dress that she left there when she moved out.

Filthy trollop, jeje.

Las Aparicio gave me 'guey', Lip Service gives me 'filthy trollop'. All this international TV viewing is so enriching.

Ed's not so sure that it's a good idea, but Tess smiles and pouts and he says yes,

But, really, who wouldn't?

Jay's flat. Day.

Jay is letting Frankie stay with him while she's in town. Since he's a work, Frankie uses to opportunity to wallow in her misery.

She looks around for a bit and finds a wall with a lot of photos taped to it. One of them is of Cat, she rips it off, thinks some more and leaves.

I wonder where she's going.

Or not.

Filthy Trollop's flat. Day.

Tess has yet another super awesome idea: since she had to give back her keys when she left, she's going to, literally, break in through a bedroom window that has a faulty latch.

Ed is against the idea because, well, is is breaking and entering and possibly burglary, but Tess that it's not stealing when it's something that belongs to you.

He gives in.

Cat's Office. Day.

Jay and Cat are also friends and work together. They chat a bit about Cat's date and Jay keeps fucking women with his eyes, even though he has a girlfriend. Cat is nervous about the whole blind date thing and when she looks out the window, who do you think is there?

Frankie smiles all nervously, and Cat freaks out. She goes to the bathroom to try to get herself together.

Filthy Trollop's Flat. Day.

The breaking and entering is still in progress.

Ed: Can you hurry up? You're pretty heavy you know?
Tess: Are you saying I'm fat?

Ed: No, I'm saying you're dislocating my shoulder!

Lol. I love those two.

The make their way through the flat looking for the dress. Tess gets upset when she finds contact lenses and a D cup bra, both of which the trollop doesn't use.

Come on, Tess. I got a saying for you: 'Whoever makes you cry isn't worth your love, and those who are worth it, would never make you cry."

Tess doesn't have time to wallow in her pain for long because the trollop gets home. And she has company. And since she's full of super awesome ideas today, Tess forces Ed to hide. Under the bed.

Things get X rated pretty soon because because the trollop has her own trollop and things start to get oral on the bed. Tess' face is pretty priceless.

She can't handle so she has yet another, super, super awesome idea and decides to try to sneak out unnoticed.


She has some limited success crawling across the room until the floor makes a sound and the girls on the receiving end opens her eyes.

The trollop, who is called Chloe, and Tess start fighting. Chloe is mad that she just broke in. Tess tells her about the dress which, by the way, Chloe is wearing, which is why they couldn't find it. She also learns that Chloe is now with a girl named Shona, in fact she was before they broke up.

Tess is totally the loser of this series, isn't she? That sucks.

Anyway, she insists that she's not leaving without her dress and the ex throws it, literally at her face.

Tess and Ed finally leave.

Cat's Ofiice. Day.

She comes out of the bathroom and looks out, expecting to see Frankie there. When she's not, Cat looks like she might be imagining things, but when she goes out on work business, she runs into Frankie on the street. Or rather, Frankie walks up to her.

Frankie: Hey
Cat: What are you doing here?
Frankie: It's good to see you too.

Cat continues to look as if she's been punched in the gut and doesn't immediately tell Frankie to fuck up when she starts to soothe the situation by engaging in some uncomfortable small talk.

Eventually she hardens and asks Frankie what she's doing there, why she didn't call first. Frankie admits she just wanted to talk to her and feared that she might've said no if she called.


Cat has to go to a work thing so she uses the opportunity to leave Frankie behind, but a dude bumps into her and her wallet, which Frankie finds, ends up in the floor.

Tess audition. Day.

Tess arrives kind of late. She runs to the bathroom to change into the famous dress and everything goes wrong: her pantyhose rips, the dress breaks and she can barely zip it.

Seriously, gueys. This girl is this series punching bag. I am not pleased.

When she's called in to audition, things don't really go any better. Even though she starts knowing her lines, it's clear that she doesn't really relate to the product at all (some moisturizing cream) and as the director keeps asking things from her it all keeps going downhill and she ends up crying and leaving in a huff.

Uncool, writers. Uncool.

Some office. Day.

Frankie follows Cat to her work thing to return her wallet and pretends to be Jay to get in. The wallet thing puts Cat at ease for a bit, until they talk about a bloke who keeps staring at Cat and Frankie starts to flirt.

Frankie: You can't really blame him, you are looking incredibly hot.
Cat: Oh, is that why you left me, cause I look so hot?

Frankie tries to get Cat to go for a talk, but she doesn't want to and tells Frankie to just leave her alone, even though it's obvious that under the pain she has a really, really soft spot for Frankie.

Cat and Tess' place. Night.

Cat's getting ready for her date and discussing the Frankie situation with Tess, who is just as surprised at the news that Miss Brooding is back. Cat is still hostile and points out how Frankie is always just hurting people.

I believe her. That's another quality of this crappy archetype.

The focus then turns to the date, and the more she talks about it, the more Cat freaks herself out.

Cat: Maybe I should've just suggested a gay bar, but you know what it's like if we go somewhere sceney, we'll bump into ten people we know. What if she wants to make a pass at me, she's not gonna do that in some straight pub. Shit, why didn't I think of that? I've totally fucked things up and I'm not even there yet!


I like me some Cat too.

Tess tells her that if Frankie got her so wound up, maybe she should reschedule, but Cat insists that she's fine, that seeing Frankie was good because it reminded her of how much she sucks.

If only that were true.

Cat goes on her date.

Some straight pub. Night.

Cat arrives and orders some wine. I'd say she looks nervous, but so far she always looks like that. Or some variation of it.

Meanwhile, at some lesbian bar, Frankie and the gang are hanging out. Everyone is happy to see her and she neglects to tell them that her aunt died. She's glad that the trollop is out of Tess' life because she sucked (and I believe her because it takes one to know one). Apparently they were together for five years.

Damn Tess. Your life really sucks.

But you're still cute.

Tess wants to get laid as a testament to her new life, but she has a hard time chatting people up.

Tess: I just...I just do what most lesbians do, stare at women hungrily and pray somebody else will make the first move.
Frankie: Well, look aloof and uninterested and they probably will.

Augh, Frankie. Just, augh.

Then Becky, Jay's girlfriend walks in and introduces herself, just as Cat calls Tess freaking out because her date's not there yet.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Lip Service

What's up, guys?

I want to apologize for not starting the Lip Service recaps yet. I've just been swamped in RL with something else. Also, for the life of me, I haven't been able to make myself watch the show properly. I have a pretty good idea of what it is about, and it looks okay, but nothing has grabbed me enough to make me want to write about it. I'll try to get around to it, if you're still interested (please let me know if you are), but it will probably be a couple of weeks before I can.

You understand, right?

In the meantime, I leave you with Pink. She rocks.



Sunday, October 31, 2010

Las Aparicio Recaps ep 31-38

What's up, guys?

Now, really, last oneeee!!!!!!!!!!!

Episode 31

Rafaela is angry that Julia couldn't even keep her commitment to Armando for one whole day and is back already. Meche tries to defend her and says that Julia's just going through a hard time and needs their support. Rafaela, who must've spent all of her life disappointed in Julia, reminds them that she's always 'going through a hard time' and acting like an irresponsible teenager. She wants her to grow up and land somewhere already, to make a decision and stick to it till the end.

Well, you can't expect an apple tree to give you mangoes, Rafaela.

When Rafaela says that she's playing with Armando's and Mariana's feelings, Julia gets angry: she's not going to make a decision just to make someone else happy, damn it! But Rafaela reiterates that it's not about making some else happy, she just needs to stop hurting everyone like she is, she is even hurting herself.

Later that day, Julia is freaking out because she can't find Mariana and knows nothing about her. She even calls Mariana's mom, but they don't know anything about her either. When she says that she's thinking about getting into catering again, Rafaela tells her that that's cool, but she's not doing it in her house because she needs to grow up and face life.

Apples and mangoes, Rafaela.

So, what does Julia do? She goes to Alma looking for a job at the Atelier, so Alma tells her that she can help Ileana make a new menu. When she's trying to, Ileana just wants to talk about Julia's situation and is all around horrified that Julia may be gay and in love with Mariana. She even hints that Mariana being gay is just confusing Julia.

As if Julia needs help to be confused.

Ileana can't even stand the thought of looking at Julia when she admits that she's feeling something very strong for Mariana and may be in love with her and Armando.

What a biatch that Ileana.

That night, the Aparicio sisters go out clubbing to find a man for Meche, who hasn't had sex since her husband died or something. At the club, some random chick invites Julia for a drink and they try to remind Meche how to pick up men at bars.

Quote of the episode

Julia (to Ileana, about her situation): I'm very confused. I don't know anything anymore, guey. I don't know if I'm a vegetarian, trisexual, heterosexual, man, woman or quimera. I don't know anymore, understand? I'm very confused because I think that I'm in love with two people and that is confusing enough to be going through a hard time, so, please, don't make it worse.

I really don't get how Julia could be talking about something so delicate with just everyone. If I walked up to her on the street and nodded her way she may start telling me about it, too, Jesus.

Episode 32

Julia is still confused.

What else is new?

She keeps looking at herself in the mirror and thinking of her kiss with Mariana. Since she has nothing to do with her life anymore, because Mariana and Armando are gone and everyone at Aparicio Central has a life, she starts working at the Atelier's cafe and spending copious amounts of time with Ileana. That should be punishment enough for leaving Armando stranded in Spain, I say.

Speaking of Armando, they've exchanged emails and he's all melodramatic about the deep pain he feels because she left him. In a moment of certainty (which is really the writers fucking with our heads) she tells Alma that it's weird, she doesn't miss him or feel guilty about leaving him. She even thinks it's all his fault for pressuring her like that.

No guilt, huh? You're totally one step away from becoming a serial killer, aren't you, oh crazy one? You're also a dirty liar because the previous episode you told Ileana that you missed Armando a lot.

Crazy person.

She does say that she wishes that she hadn't left so abruptly, and points out that she feels really lost without Armando and Mariana. Alma encourages her to keep living and to try to move on.

Quote of the episode

Julia (about Armando): I feel really weird because I don't miss him, I don't feel guilty, I don't feel like I'm doing something wrong. In fact, I think that he provoked all of this, don't you think?

Episode 33

Julia's immersing herself in her cooking because she's worried about the missing Mariana. Wait, or is it because she's horny? I don't know, I'm really tired of Julia, I zone out when she talks. Also, how much time has passed?

She continues to spend all of her time with Ileana either at the Atelier or at home, unfortunately for her. Ileana doesn't want to know anything about Julia's hornyness and gets even more uncomfortable when Julia starts talking about masturbating.

Julia and the others get their own share of sister time again. The have some weird thing on their heads and they're drinking and talking about men and desire and sex. Julia wants them to stop talking about sex because she's so horny that she's wants to fuck more than she wants to live!

Seriously, how much time has passed? You'd think it's been a year. Just buy an Alma whore, woman. Wait, you don't know about them yet.

They don't really listen to Julia (since nobody does, really, except Mariana and Armando) and they keep talking about sex and desire because Meche is all hot and bothered since she's got a date with some dude (who turns out to be married by the way) that she's really attracted to. Julia can't spend a minute without talking about her confusions, so she talks about whether or not it's possible to desire someone's soul over their body (probably referring to Mariana) . But when Alma wants to talk about it some more, Julia doesn't want to.

The next day at the Atelier, Ileana has a brilliant solution to their love woes: they need to find a new love online. Julia really doesn't want to because she wants no more confusions, but Ileana insists, so they go online. When she checks out Mariana's facebook page (hadn't thought about it before, guey?), Julia learns that she's having fun at the beach and is 'in a relationship' with someone she calls 'dark eyes'.

Julia feels bad about it and Mariana is such a lesbian with the U-hauling.

Quote of the episode

Ileana: Why don't you try?
Julia (referring to masturbation): What? Self service? I have it down to an art. I need something more! Something different!
Ileana: A snack, Julia. Why don't you try a snack?

Episode 34

Julia and her temporary best pal Ileana (there has to be someone for her to talk to) talk about the Mariana situation. Ileana is surprised when Julia says that she hasn't even emailed Mariana to tell her that she's back, but Julia decided that she's been very selfish through the whole situation and wants to let Mariana go through whatever it is that she's going through.

I doubt that that attitude will last long.

Ileana is glad about it. She's also glad that Mariana has a new love because maybe then Julia's confusions could be over.

Yeahhhhh, right. Not that simple, guey.

Later at the Atelier, Ileana is still obsessed with picking up men online. When Julia sees two women flirting, she imagines that she sees her and Mariana kissing.

Obviously, since there's a chance that she may not have her anymore because of 'dark eyes', now Julia totally wants Mariana.

Super Alma notices that Julia is all sorts of tense and takes her away to talk. She tells her about Mariana at the beach with 'dark eyes' and admits that ever since she found out about that, she's not confused about Mariana anymore.

Yeahhhhh, right.

That night, the sisters have yet another night of sister time. They help Meche pack for the weekend trip that she's going on with the guy who turns out to be married. Meche's really smart though, and although she really likes him, she thinks that there's something off with him. There's all sort of touching between them three, specially Meche, and I want to be friends with those women just to get some of that loving.

The next day, Ileana and Julia are getting in the car when, lo and behold, Mariana walks in. Julia looks like she just won the lottery (and, quite frankly, she did) and immediately goes over to Mariana to give her a big hug.

During Nana's voice over, we see the girls talking in Julia's room. Mariana asks Julia why she didn't tell her that she came back. Julia asks her why she didn't try to stop her. We don't get the answers because the episode ends.

Quote of the episode

Alma: Something's up with you. Tell me about it.
Julia: Mariana went to the beach and met someone.
Alma: And how does that make you feel?
Julia: Bad. And you know what's the worst thing? That ever since I found out, Mariana stopped being a confusion to me.

Episode 35

Julia and Mariana are still talking, It turns out that 'Dark eyes' is called Gaby and she's a marine biologist she met at the beach. When Julia asks, Mariana admits that she's not in love with the Uncomfortable One (as I called her in my very first recap), but she likes her a lot and she gave Mariana support at a time when she felt abandoned. Furthermore, Gaby is very different to the other women she's been with since she's deep in the closet and even lives with her parents.

For someone like Mariana, dating someone like that is a very bad idea.

Julia says that she's glad for Mariana (which no one really believes, really) and Mariana asks her why she came back. She says she couldn't start a new life when there were so many lose ends to tie up in her old one.

Yeahhhhh, right.

They decide that everything will be how it used to be, making an unspoken agreement to not talk about what's going on with them.

That night there's even more sister time. They're trying to comfort Meche, who is heartbroken because the guy she liked turned out to be married. Eventually Nana joins in and starts telling her Melito XXX stories (this time the topic is their role playing), which is both disturbing and endearing.

Over at Mariana's Loft, we meet Gaby, who, from her very first shot, looks completely uncomfortable, which is blasphemous because she's in Mariana's presence, come on. Mariana wants to go to a gay club, but Gaby is uncomfortable with the idea. What if she runs into someone she knows?

Then they'd be as gay as you or at least gay friendly, so chill out.

Mariana is a real charmer, as we know, so she convinces Gaby to go. It turns out to be a bad idea because they get gay bashed when a group of assholes give them a hard time over being gay and their leader even slaps Mariana.

I'm guessing that Gaby won't be going to another gay club, ever. Which begs the question, if Gaby doesn't do clubs and is all sorts of closeted, how did she and Mariana hook up to begin with? Does Mariana have a super secret device to find the gay anywhere?

The next day, Mariana and Gaby are having breakfast and watching a mega homophobic video that was in a USB that Rodo (the asshole who slapped Mariana) left them. Gaby wants to go home since her dad is waiting for her and there's nothing she can do anyway to make the situation better, she can't even go to the police because that might out her.

Terrible, terrible match those two.

Not knowing what else to do, Mariana goes to Aparicio Central looking for help from the Super Women since she has not family or friends and her girlfriend sucks.

Su caudal de penas no tiene fin, that's why she's Emo.

Quote of the episode

Nana (regarding love and sex): I think that we don't have to do that, we don't have to separate sex from being in love, but being in love with yourself. Supposedly, if you're in love with yourself, if you love yourself, then you can take on the world.

Episode 36

Mariana's still over at Aparicio Central, and they're still talking about the attack. Everyone assures her that the homophobes will pay and that she'll be safe and well taken care of at AC.

What freaks Mariana out the most, however, is that during the incident she lost her wallet with all of her documents, including her address, so if the assholes want to find her, they can. That isn't a problem, she can stay at AC for as long as she needs.

Staying at AC means staying in Julia's room specifically, which isn't really a stellar idea considering how tense things are between them. Julia gets annoyed when Marina turns around to change her clothes, as if she changed her clothes if front of her before.

So, you've seen her naked, Julia? Because she took off her bra and everything just now, if she hadn't turned around you would've seen her boobs and all.


Mariana points out that yes, things are different, and they bicker back and forth a little before Julia apologizes.

The next day, the girls start their day by freaking Ileana out. First, she walks in on Mariana kneeling between Julia's legs and helping her zip up her jeans, but Miss Stick in the Mud doesn't see the whole picture and gets evil ideas. Well, the ideas are only evil for her, I suppose. Then Mariana gives her a hard time saying that if she doesn't lock her room's door she's going to pay her a sexy visit that night.

Good stuff.

On the hand, Meche takes on the case and she's ready to bring the assholian homophobes to justice!

Mariana spends the day at AC while Julia goes to work at the Atelier. Mariana hangs out with Rafaela, rehearsing acting stuff and bonding.

If Rafaela wasn't so old, I think that I'd ship those two.

Gaby visits Mariana at Aparicio Central. She's all sorts of emo too (maybe that's what they have in common) because out there in the real world there's no one she can count on and be open with. She doesn't think that she's ready for a relationship with Mariana, but Emo #1 convinces her to give the relationship a chance, if only so that they don't give the homophobes the satisfaction of breaking them up.

Emo # 2 accepts and Julia gets jealous when she sees them kissing, but she doesn't say or do anything. For now.

That night, Ileana sits down to talk with Mariana. She wants to know why she doesn't just stop being gay when it's so dangerous and such a drag. Wouldn't it be easier to just be straight? Mariana assures her that she was born that way and has no desire to change. This is in fact the pato talk that later inspires that lame name for their workshops at the Atelier, so I won't dwell on it too much.

Later, Mariana talks to Julia some more about the Rodo situation. She thinks that bringing him to justice is something that she needs to do, for herself and for Gabriela. But Julia is stuck on jealous mode. She tells Mariana that it made her feel really bad to see the Emoes together right there in her own house, considering what's going on between them.

I'll just let them tell you.

Mariana: What's going on between us, guey?
Julia: Well-
Mariana: No, no. Honestly. Because from where I stand, what happened was that I told you that I loved you and you didn't give a crap, you ran away!
Julia: Oh really? Well then I came back to find you only to find out that the little girl had mysteriously disappeared and nobody knew where she was and you didn't even have the decency to leave a fucking note!

The fight escalates until Julia's phone rings and pretty much proves Mariana's point: it's Armando and Julia answers. The Pichichi feels bad because he's alone over there and his teammates and managers just treat him as business.

Just a reminder that he exists and will be back soon, I suppose.

After the call, Julia and Mariana keep bickering to the point where Mariana decides to go home because she's sick of them pretending that nothing is happening between them, when clearly there is something. Julia convinces her to stay because it's too dangerous for her to go back home and the two make up.

For now, I say.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (to Ileana, about her inability to stop being gay): Wouldn't it be easier to turn into a duck? Yeah, you know, a duck. You could live in Chapultepec (?), you could spend the day splashing around and not having to go to school, or work. It would be easier, no? See, Ileana, the same way that the idea of turning into a duck seems impossible and ridiculous for you, I find the idea of me turning heterosexual as ridiculous and impossible . This isn't something that I asked for, guey, I was born this way. I know who I am and I'm at peace with it. I don't have the need or the desire to change.

Episode 37

It's the morning and Meche is discussing with Juliana what she's uncovered so far about the homophobic assholes. 'Rodo' is called Rodolfo Peralta and has a reputation for doing things like that, but everyone is too afraid to make a complaint, which is the Gaby's case, by the way. Julia doesn't really like Gaby and shows no compassion at the fact that she's scared and Mariana, who wrote the manual on the perfect girlfriend, insists that she's not going to force her girlfriend to do anything she doesn't want to do.

Mariana and Julia visit Gaby to tell her about the new Rodo developments and to ask her if she'd be willing to go to the police. The Uncomfortable One is really, really uncomfortable because her dad is about to get home. You know, having friends over is such suspicious thing, gueys. A sure sign of gayness, y'all.

Gaby starts freaking out at the police/lawyer talk and feels that, ultimately, she doesn't want to get involved because it's not really her problem. Just as Julia is about to get her panties in a twist over that, Mariana shushes her and works her magic. She tells Gaby that if they don't do anything Rodo and his gang are going to keep hurting people, but TUO doesn't want to get involved because she's sure that nothing will happen to the assholes, but the two of them will get hurt, specially her, who is so deep in the closet that she couldn't find her way out even if she tried.

Gabriela's dad arrives and, to further prove how terrified this girl is, she tells him that they're friends from school, because it is so very suspicious to know anyone who doesn't go to school with you, right, gueys?

Su caudal de penas sí que no tendrá fin if she keeps that attitude up.

Later that day, Julia and Mariana keep talking about Emo's family woes while drinking a couple of beers. Emo talks about how much her family sucks, how they all abandoned her (mother, father, step dad) and how she's completely alone because, although the Aparicios love her, they're borrowed family. Julia assures her that she's not alone and Mariana says that she's right, she has Gaby, which infuriates Julia because : 1. she was talking about herself (how could Mariana forget that she's the center of the universe?), 2. Gaby's a closet case who doesn't even have the guts to come out to her dad.

Mariana doesn't like Julia's attitude, after all, Julia doesn't know how it's like to be closeted and all you can lose when you come out. Julia doesn't think that Gaby has the balls to be in a relationship with Mariana, who points out that it's easy to judge and have balls when you have the entire Aparicio Army behind you. Besides, who knows if Gaby's dad is even worse than Rodo himself when he finds out that she's gay? But Julia is too immature to just shut up, so she doesn't.

Julia: Poor Gaby. Why don't you have compassion for me? I'm trying to come out of the closet, yet I'm here with you, Mariana!
Mariana: Ay Julia, please, what closet? You just get jealous when any man, woman or dog pees in your territory! It's what you used to do with Armando and now you're doing it with me! It's not fair, guey!

The Immature One walks away in a huff.

That night, the Uncomfortable One pays Mariana a visit. She keeps excusing herself and trying to make Emo #1 understand that her situation with her parents is impossible and she just absolutely can't be as out as Mariana.

Mariana completely understands, but tries to make her understand that, at some point, she'll have to come out, unless she's willing to spoil her whole life because she's too afraid to be herself.

Gabriela says she'll come out and some point, but she just can't at the moment. She'd love to still be with Mariana, but without any fuss, without any gay clubs or complaints to the police.

Over at Aparicio Central, Julia is having a talk with her mom about the fight that she had with her future wife. She feels horrible for being so selfish and jealous, and Rafaela senses that there's something else going on with them, but before Julia can elaborate, her phone rings. It's Armando reminding us that he's alive and butting in from far away.Rafaela rolls her eyes, and I do too.

Pichichi misses Julia like crazy, she's all he thinks about. She's all uncomfortable and tells him, before hanging up, that he should forget about her because she doesn't work as a girlfriend, friend or anything.

I kind of agree.

She feels so bad that she goes to see Mariana to apologize, but instead finds Gaby there: Mariana went to see Meche because she decided to go to the police to try to prosecute Rodo.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (to Julia, about Gabriela): Who are you to call her a closet case? You don't know what a closet is, what it's like to be in it and much less coming out of it, guey!

Episode 38

Julia and Gaby are having coffee at Mariana's place, waiting for her. Julia apologizes for being so insistent the last time they saw each other, but The Uncomfortable one says that it's okay and that she herself feels really bad that she can't support Mariana properly, but her dad is just a closed minded asshole (I added the asshole bit, BTW)

Mariana arrives and, finding Julia there, apologizes immediately. Julia is all sorry too and there's all sorts of forgiveness going on while Gaby is sitting there looking left out until Mariana remembers that she exists and goes over to sit next to her.

The next day, Meche and Mariana go to the police to make the official complaint against Rodo. Julia and Gaby wait for them outside and Emo #2 feels bad since she's not there supporting her super awesome girlfriend because of her fear. Julia tells her to not be so hard on herself and that even Mariana understands her position and supports her.

Gaby then puts her foot in her mouth when she asks Julia what happened between them two, why didn't it work? She thought they must've been together at some point because they know each other so well and have such great chemistry. Julia tells her that no, they've never been together, she's not even gay and if she was she'd have no problem saying it.

Somewhere is that conversation, Gaby finds the courage to join Mariana in the complaint.

After they're done, Mariana is beaming with pride because of Gaby's courage, but Julia's eyes are turning green with jealousy.

Later that day, at Aparicio Central, the women are having dinner or some other meal, I can never tell. Well, it must be dinner since Isadora is there and not in school. Meche proposes a toast to Gaby and Mariana for being so brave. Isadora toasts to dykes because she got called a dyke in school and she kicked the asses of those who did. Even Isadora knows that being gay isn't bad.

When Mariana accompanies Gaby to the gates, Julia keeps looking at them with even more jealousy and angst in her eyes.

That night, Mariana wants to go to a hotel because she feels that things are weird between her and MEC. She also knows that something's up with Julia. When she keeps pressuring Julia to spill it, she says something about Mariana thinking she's not brave like Gaby or something else that makes sense in Julia land, but nowhere else.

Whatever, I don't care.

Quote of the episode

Gabriela (to Julia, about Mariana): That's how Mariana is, isn't it? Brave, understanding.



Friday, October 29, 2010

Las Aparicio Recaps ep 21-30

What's up, guys?

Let's get to it?

Episode 21

This week is all about masks, let's get that out of the way. At their acting class, the girls need to use these really creepy looking masks to learn to express themselves through body language or something.

Suddenly I feel like I'm watching 'Halloween' and someone's about to get murdered. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that it's Armando. Or Julia. Or both.

Armando gets offered a deal to play for a football team in Spain, and he immediately starts calls Julia, but she doesn't talk to him (even though she's dying to) because she doesn't want to get pulled into his crap again. Mariana is all convinced and continues to be all passive aggressive about the whole thing.

The girls go to their acting class, where their arrogant professor pair them up to pretend to be Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf, while wearing their masks. Things get a little too close for comfort when, both of them in character, Mariana asks Julia why she doesn't love her and Julia tells her that she'd want to but she needs to find her way alone, or something along those lines. Mariana has a mini freak out and even breaks character for a second, but the professor pull them back in.

After the class, Armando goes over to see them outside the class room, tells Julia about it and starts begging her to come with him. At the mere sight of Armando, Mariana's emoness starts to creep up again.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (to Julia, at their class exercise): Alone? Alone? Alone? (she rips of her mask) You know who Julia is? Julia's the mirror where Mariana looks into and can't find herself.

That's the quote of the episode because to this day I still don't know what the fuck it means.

Episode 22

Armando is still over at Julia's class harassing her some more. She's not cool with him kicking her out because she cheated and then suddenly wanting to whisk her away to Spain, she needs some time. She then sets out to meet Mariana, whose face has completely turned stern ever since she saw Armando, but manages to, more or less, keep her cool.

Julia spends the rest of the day hanging out with her sisters and giving Meche, who is apprehensive about meeting her late husband's mistress, a hard time.

Later that day, we learn who are Mariana's only friends beside Julia: her plants. In fact, she's kinda talking to them when Armando walks in wanting to convince her to convince Julia to go to Spain with him. Since Mariana thinks her house is public property, she invites him over for a drink. Which turn into many beers and they end up all drunk. Eventually he puts Mariana in the spot because he tells her that, in the end, Julia isn't choosing between Mexico and Spain, she's choosing between the two of them. Mariana assures him that the two of them are just friends and Assmanho lives up to his name by telling her that maybe she's gay because she hasn't found the right man and then later reminds her of how homophobic the world is. Mariana assures him that the 'right man' doesn't exist and pretty much ends up making fun of him because she's awesome.

The next day Julia is surprised to find the two smucks passed out on the couch. Armando tries to explain that nothing happened, but Julia doesn't want to hear any of his crap anymore (for now, anyway).

Quote of the episode

Mariana (to Armando after he implies that she just needs the right man): Why don't you find a guey that, I don't know, 'treats' you well?

Episode 23

The episode starts with Julia bitching at Armando because he went to Mariana. She's annoyed that he isn't giving her the space she asked for, he just wants to now if she's staying with Mariana. Julia doesn't answer and the girls to their acting class.

At the class, the professor is a complete asshole to Mariana and she ends up running away when he puts her on the spot and demands to know why she's so afraid of taking off her masks or something equally philosophical.

After the class, Julia finds Mariana all teary eyed and hiding out in some room. She's having a rare moment of internalized homophobia, and it's kind of sad. She talks about how she always felt different and she always will be different, something she never asked for. She knows that being gay isn't bad, but many people do and every day she needs to defend herself in front of them. She even says that sometimes she wishes she could be like Julia (which is blasphemous, gueys), just so that people could see her for who she was instead of being hung up on what she is.

Julia is really sweet and heartfelt when she tries to comfort her, but Mariana has a hard time accepting the comforting because she knows that Julia may accept her and support her, but she will never understand her.

That night, Julia is having some sister time with Alma and Meche, who is processing her meeting with her husband's mistress. Armando interrupts sister time by dropping in unannounced and serenading Julia. Rafaela threatens to call the police if he doesn't shut him up

When Julia confronts Armando, he keeps being all pathetic and begging her to go with him because he can't live without her.

It's all sort of pathetic.

Over at Emoland, Mariana keeps up with her little videos.

Quote of the episode

Julia (to Mariana, during her freak out): I love you. I love you how you are, because of how you are.

Episode 24

Julia spends half the episode freaking out because she can't find her mask for the class. That's the problem with having a huge and gorgeous house, I suppose. Rafaela is as awesome as she always is and is very vocal about how she feels about Armando and her moving to Spain. Later on we find out that she found Julia's mask and is hiding her for some reason.

At the class, the arrogant professor has Julia, Mariana and some guy doing the following exercise: both Mariana and the dude are in love with Julia, who has to choose one of the two.

Subtle, huh?

Julia can feel the lack of subtlety too and runs away all freaked out. After the class, Mariana tries to go after her, but she's nowhere in sight. Emo runs into Armando, who is Julia's stalker now and is looking for her too. He continues to be an asshole and assures Mariana that now he's sure that Julia is going with him.

Mariana is not happy.

Over at Aparicio Central, Julia has a really funny mini freak out when she hears Rafaela and Meche trying to help Isadora with some math problem. How can they force the poor girl to choose between A and B?! They're going to drive her crazy!


Later, Rafaela gives Julia her mask back and tells her that the problem has a simple solution, she just needs to take off her mask and face it.

She's yoda.

Meanwhile, Mariana continues with her little videos because she has absolutely no friends (which is what happens when there's not enough budget). She's processing the new Armando information and the rollarcoster ride is driving her crazy. She should get used to Julia driving her crazy, since she'll get a whole lot more of that later.

That night we get a shot of Julia in bed, dreaming/imagining herself in bed in Armando and Mariana and wearing a mask.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (videotaping herself and discussing the situation): He tells me that she wants with me, then he says that she doesn't. She does things that make me believe that she does, then she does things that make me think that she doesn't. Is this a triangle a-b-c? Or is it simple A and B and I'm just good for fueling their confusion?

Episode 25

Julia is confused, which she needs to be or she wouldn't be Miss Eternally Confused, and doesn't know what to do. Mariana visits her and finds her in her room organizing books alphabetically, so she knows something's up. She asks MEC if what bothers her more leaving with Armando, or leaving period.

You know, the real premise of this storyline is that love makes you stupid. Like, really, REALLY stupid. Because Julia still even considering being anywhere near Armando, much less considering going to a foreign country with him, after all the shit that he's done, makes no sense. About as much sense as Mariana taking Julia back and marrying her in the end after all the shit that she puts her through.


What bothers MEC more are the things she's going to leave behind, specially her family and Mariana, who tries to play it down and joke about it, even though she's touched. They keep talking about it and Mariana almost begs her to stay because she's blinded by Julia's mask of sanity, I suppose. If only she knew what's coming. Isadora interrupts them to tell them that Armando is on the radio talking about his relationship with Julia and how he loves her and she's going to Spain with him. This pisses Julia off and she confronts him about it, they fight again.


She admits that she doesn't trust him and knows that as soon they get back together he'll start cheating on her again and bringing out her once infidelity time after time, but with little fight gives into his lame seduction and they do the only other thing that they do: fucking.

The next day, they wake up in bed together and Julia keeps saying that she knows he won't change, in which case, why the hell do you stay? God. He assures her that he wants to change, he wants to grow up. The phone rings before the conversation can go to far and MEC goes back home to because Meche wants to do a little ceremony and bury her late husband's things in their yard: she's ready to let him go.

I wish more people in the show could learn to do that, gueys.

Quote of the episode

Julia (to Mariana, about her leaving to Spain): I'm gonna miss many things, and surely more than all of them, I'm going to miss you.

Episode 26

The episode starts with Emo feeling very out of place because Armando is there at Aparicio Central too and she feels all left out and jealous.

Don't be, Emo, you're twice the man he is.

Rafaela immediately notices her angst and goes to offer some support. Mariana is emo because she's sure that MEC is going to Spain with the Pichichi. Rafaela is not so convinced and suggest to Mariana that if she only asked her to, Julia would stay.

Seriously, even if they were to be just friends forever, Julia should just stay with Mariana, but she's insane so...

Later that they, Julia and Armando have more sex and he keeps groveling some more.


He assures her that losing her the last time made him realize that he could never live without her, so he's ready to change. Julia's dumb so she believes him and decides to go to Spain with him.

It must be the sex, it makes her stupid.

When Julia and Armando break the news to the family, absolutely nobody cares and just stares at her blankly before spouting halfhearted 'congratulations'. I think they think Julia's stupid, too. At least Rafaela is honest and look disgruntled over it. Isadora is the only one who seems genuinely happy about it and even wants Julia to take her with her. She also asks Julia if she's going to take Mariana with her, which puts all sorts of ideas in Julia's head because she's so very gullible.

That night, Julia goes to EmoCentral to break the news to Emo and to invite her to come with, because she's deluded, as we know. She even has their whole life in Spain figured out, including some pretigious drama school. Mariana is just not into the idea. Instead, she asks Julia not to go.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (to Julia when she's planning their life together in Spain): Julia, guey! Stop! Don't go.

Episode 27

It's the next day and we don't know what was Julia's answer to Mariana's plea. Instead, we get a scene with MEC and Assmanho packing at her place. Later, she goes to see Mariana and asks her to come with her to Spain. Mariana thinks it's ridiculous and she's tired of always being between them two. They leave together to go to the class because, for some reason, Julia wants to say goodbye to the asshole professor.

Later that day, Julia is packing things in her room when Rafaela walks in and they talk. Since she's already entering her land of delusion (maybe it was all the hetero sex that it did), Julia can't believe how unfair Mariana is being by not understanding her decision to go to Spain and getting mad when they invited her.

Madre de Dios.

Rafaela continues to be the absolute voice of wisdom. She asks Julia why exactly is it that she wants to go to Spain and MEC answers that she wants to be with Armando. Yoda says that she thought Julia was doing it to run away from whatever it is that is happening between her and Mariana.

She's awesome. How does she know such things?

MEC insists that they're just best friends and she will miss her a lot because she can't have her and Armando, even though she wishes she could.

Damn foreshadowing.

Patroncita recalls an instance when Julia was a child and spent hours at a store trying to decide between and a fairy costume and a ballerina one. When she finally got home, she started crying because the one she liked better was the one she didn't choose.

So her fickleness goes way back.

Rafaela leaves lost in thought when she tells her that she hopes that the same thing doesn't happen when she gets to Spain. MEC is still packing when Mariana walks in with a box of things that Julia left at her place. They start reminiscing about the good times and end up talking about them.

Julia wonders why the thought of leaving Mariana hurts so much and insists on talking about what exactly they are. Emo doesn't want to, but Julia keeps pressuring her and she finally admits that she loves her. After the declaration, Emo hugs her and I think even cries a little.

The next time we see Julia, she's arriving at Armando's Cave looking for some sex in order to cancel out the yet another encounter of the gay kind.

Quote of the episode

Julia: I mean, it shouldn't be so complicated because you can go visit me, or I can come back. It's not like we're dying. So, why do I feel like we're breaking up? What are we, Mariana. Are we friends? Sisters? Or what are we?
Mariana: We're friends, Julia. Friends and that's it.

Julia: Then why did you tell me that yesterday? That you wanted me to stay?

Mariana: Don't ask me something you already know.

Julia: No, I don't know.

Mariana: Please, don't make me say it. What good would it do?

Julia: Tell me, please.

Mariana: I love you, Julia.

Episode 28

It's the next day and Julia and Armando are in bed having sex for the millionth time. Augh. A least we haven't seen his asscrack in a while, although maybe it's time to start worrying about how sore Julia must be down there.

They're all lovey dopey and Julia's just completely ignoring her close gay encounter from the night before. She decides that she wants to spend the last days she has in Mexico with her family, so Armando takes her to Aparicio Central, where they tell Rafaela all about the awesomeness of the apartment they'll have there and the awesomeness of the city in general. Rafaela is pretty much indifferent about it since she agrees with me that going to Spain with Assmanho is probably the worst idea that Julia has ever had. Or at least this month since I'm sure that she's had many, many, many bad ideas in her life.

Once Armando leaves, Julia continues to be excited about this new period of her life and Patroncita continues to be indifferent about it, and very sneaky by the way. She asks MEC if she's trying to convince her (Rafaela) that she'a making the right choice and life will be awesome there, or if she's trying to convince herself. Julia gets angry then and accuses Rafaela of not being supportive.

Over at EmoLand, Emo is sad and thoughtful and writing Julia a letter apologizing for saying what she said and begging MEC to forget about it.

It's Julia's last night in Mexico, and she goes to Alma (who is the world's best older sister, BTW) to talk about the Mariana situation. She tells her about their drunken make out and about she hasn't allowed herself to truly process that. At first she thought that they had spent so much time together that the lines that separate things got blurred, but that didn't explain when she looked at Mariana she saw them being more than friends.

Alma is very loving and understanding (I want one in my life), and goes into therapy mode asking 'how did that make you feel?' Jules goes on to tell her about Mariana's love declaration and about how it left her very unsettled, but she kind to wanted to tell Mariana that she loved her too.

When Alma asks about Armando, Julia says that that's the problem. She reiterates that she's going to leave with him because she's supposed to love him too, but she's very confused.

SuperAlma tells her not to be hard on herself because she's just in love with too people, which is a very hard and scary place to be because she's so pressured to choose.

There's all sort of crying going on, and the Julia insanity has officially begun.

Later that night, the Aparicio Sisters and Rafaela spoon on the bed because it's Julia's last night with them and they'll miss her tons.

I want them to adopt me, for real.

Quote of the episode

Alma (regarding Mariana's love declaration): What did she tell you?
Julia: That she loves me.
Alma: And, how did you feel when you heard that?
Julia: Super weird. I got nauseaous, I wanted to vomit, I wanted to run away, but at the same time I wanted to tell her.
Alma: That you love her?
**Julia nods**

Episode 29

This episode is all about Julia leaving. We even learn that Rafaela gets physically ill when her daughters leave, and that even the house gets weird and all the electrical appliances die.

Meanwhile, Mariana is still being lame with her little videos. She's feeling so bad that she's nauseous. She's torn between option A, which is stopping Julia at the airport all Hollywood style, and option B which we don't really get to hear because Assmando calls. He later drops by to, basically, be all smug because he won.

Why doesn't she just kick him out, gueys?

He tells her that he knows how hard it mus be for her that Julia's leaving and thanks her for not trying to stop her. She tells him that Julia loves him and is going to Spain with him, and now it's up to him to live up to that.

Over at Aparicio Central, Julia has a gazillion goodbye scenes with Ileana, her sisters, her mother and the whole universe. Rafaela even brings out a box filled with Julia childhood memories, including a drawing she did in kindergarten where she and Mariana are holding hands, together like always. Rafaela tells her that she should say goodbye to Mariana, but just as she's about to do just that Armando arrives and she gets derailed for a while. Eventually she calls EmoLand and gets the machine (really, who still has a landline and answering machines? That's what cell phones are for.). Emo listens intently as Julia apologizes for forcing her to admit that she loves her and then just leaving poor Emo hanging. She just couldn't say that-bam! The memory is full and we don't get to hear what she wanted to say. Mariana freaks out, but takes too long to decide what to do about it, so when she gets to Aparicio Central that night, Julia is gone already.

Before that happens though, we keep getting goodbye scenes, including a hilarious one when Rafaela tells Armando that she never knew what Julia saw in him to begin with (I concur), but that he better make sure that's happy or he'll have to settle things with her (Rafaela). Armando insists that Julia is the most important thing in his life and he'd rather hurt himself before hurting her.

Yeah, right.

The sisters also had another goodbye reminiscing over the box of Julia childhood memories. Adorable stuff, they have awesome chemistry.

Quote of the episode

Julia (on the answering machine): Mariana, pick up. I know that you probably don't even want to see me, that everything got so complicated and I'm so scared of losing you. Forgive me, Mariana, seriously. I know that it was my fault, that I pushed you to say it and that when you did I just left you hanging, without saying anything because speech left me. I didn't want to, but I didn't know how to tell you and I couldn't get the words out and I wanted to tell you that- **Memory Full**

Episode 30

Even though I've said before that Emo was at the peak of her emoness, I think that I was wrong, I think that this is the peak. She looks sad, she's crying and all around hopeless. She avoids Aparicio Central and lies to Rafaela by telling that she's fine when she calls. But Rafaela, who knows all things, knows that she's sad. She reminds Mariana that she loves her like a daughter and she doesn't want her to forget about the Aparicio Clan.

Meanwhile, Julia calls from Spain and doesn't sound all thrilled about being over there. Later, she calls EmoLand when Emo's not home and leaves Mariana a message telling her the ballerina/fairy costumes story and suggesting that she's changed her mind and wants Mariana now. But Mariana doesn't get the message because she's visiting Rafaela and being all cryptic, as if she's going away.

That night, surprise! Julia's back from Spain and looking for Mariana at her apartment (she has a key?), but Emo's gone, she hasn't even heard Julia's message on the phone.

Quote of the episode
Julia (on the answering machine): Mariana, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm crazy. My mother told me it would happen again and I didn't believe her. And now I'm here. Did I ever tell you about the costume? What happened after my father died? I didn't know which one to pick so I chose the fairy one, and then I cried because I wanted the ballerina. Rafaela knew it, I want the ballerina, Mariana. I want..damn it, I don't know what I'm doing.


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Las Aparicio Recaps ep 11-20

What's up, guys?

Still here. Let's get to it.

Episode 11

The family is having one of their standard family dinners, this time to introduce Leo (zzz) to the family. Mariana and Dani are there, but Armando isn't because he's still in the doghouse. Mariana makes a toast to the Aparicio Women because they're the most beautiful women in the world, which makes Dani give Mariana the evil eye. When the girls get a moment alone, Mariana tries to get Julia to talk about what's bothering her, but Julia is still bitchy and doesn't want to talk.

That night, the sisters have one of those awesome sister moments that I love so much. Julia thinks that there must be something wrong with her (which is true, I say) if Armando doesn't think that she's enough and has to be looking elsewhere. When Alma joins in the conversation and listens to Julia talk about her Armando blues, Alma suggests that Armando may be addicted to sex. Julia, who is very impressionable, believes that it could be true and starts looking it up online.

Meanwhile, over at his cave, Armando is with a couple of women who look so skanky that I don't know if they're real or if he's making them up. I also don't care. The next day he feels and looks like shit, crying over Julia.

Over at Mariana's loft, Dani has another one of her jealous fits over Julia. Mariana gets angry that they're having the same fight again and assures her that Julia's like her sister, but Dani insists that nobody treats their sister like she treats Julia. She's also sure that if Julia wasn't straight, Mariana wouldn't hesitate to drop her like a hot potato to be with the Crazy One.

Dani's words hit home and Mariana spends the night awake, lost in thought. She's finally admitted to herself that she's in love with the Crazy One (I'm still not sure why) and when Dani realizes it, she breaks up with Mariana, for both of their sake.

Quote of the episode

Dani (to Mariana): I don't know anyone, ANYONE, who treats her sister like you treat Julia. I don't know anyone who gets as jealous as you do when it comes to Julia. Think about it, Mariana. Maybe you're wasting your time with me. I think that the only reason why I'm still here is because Julia is straight, because if it wasn't for that you wouldn't hesitate for a second before exchanging me for her.

Episode 12

Dani packs her bags and is ready to move out. Before leaving, she tells Mariana to tell Julia how she feels about her, but Emo has officially gone emo and is completely sure that Julia is straight and doesn't love her back. Just as Dani is leaving, Julia arrives needing to talk about her mega redundant Armando bullshit. Mariana is ambiguous about the break up and tries to get Julia to talk about her own problems, but, for once, Julia puts Mariana first and wants to help her get through the break up with movies and ice cream.

I keep telling you, Julia was somewhat sane at some point. I'm starting to fear that it was the lesbian sex what turned on the crazy.

Despite Julia's efforts, Emo wants to stay emo and wants to be alone. I'm assuming that Mariana just can't face Julia at the moment. It would've been a winning attitude, I wish she had kept it up.

Since Mariana doesn't want her, Julia goes to see Armando. She finds him drunk, on the floor, in a fetal position and looking like a complete dumbass. He's all 'woe is me, I'm such an idiot who screws everything up'. Since Julia's really soft and cares about him for some reason, she comforts him. Once he sobers up a little, they have a civil conversation where Julia admits that she wants to let him go, but can't. So she suggests that they should go to therapy because he's a sex addict.

Over at Emo Central, Mariana starts making little videos where she talks about her unrequited love and fantasizing about Julia naked on her bed.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (filming her video): The goal of this project it's to talk about love. And not the kind of love we see every day at malls, at the movies and with the chocolates, but the love that penetrates, the love that hurts, the love that doesn't let you escape.

Episode 13

Julia has found a support group for sex addicts, but Armando isn't sure that he wants to go now that he's no longer in a fetal position on the floor. She insists that they have to find a solution for their problem and when she points out that the relationship is going to hell if they don't do something soon, he agrees to go.

Later, when they come back, Armando is completely outraged at the suggested treatment: 4 months of complete sexual abstinence, they can't even masturbate. I kind of agree with Assmanho on this one, that's pretty retarded. If a sex addict could spend 4 months without sex they wouldn't need the therapy, no?

Their second assignment is for the two of them to spend an hour talking about his infidelities. Specifically, he has to spend an hour telling her about all of the times when he cheated, which are dozens.


After some pressure from Julia, Armando agrees to go through with it and later that day he goes through the list of women that he's cheated on her with. The list is endless and even includes friends of Julia, cousins of his, a sick girl who had a liver transplant and some chick called Eréndira . Then he gets all cryptic and tells Julia that there is one me woman, but he's not sure if she could handle it. But Julia doesn't want to handle it: she's done, she doesn't want to hear any more.

Meanwhile, over at Emoland, Mariana keeps ignoring Julia's calls and working on her little videos.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (filming herself):We all have a 'my love'. My love, has her own. Who does yours have?

Episode 14

Julia visits Mariana to whine about her forced abstinence and Armando's whorish ways. She's too self involved to notice that Mariana is hurting and monosyllabic (what else is new?) and just goes on and on about it endlessly. Too hurt to talk much, Mariana just goes over to Julia and caresses her hair. Julia takes the opportunity to give her a big hug and Mariana just looks emoer by the second.

Over at his cave, Armando is fulfilling his other assignment: calling all the women that he slept with and apologizing to them. I'm not sure why he has to apologize because from what we've seen the women that he tends to sleep around with are kind of loose anyway, so I'm sure no feelings were hurt. So, his therapist kind of sucks. It's still funny, however to see him stuttering when they keep insinuating themselves to him.

That night, Mariana and Julia are at Aparicio Central. Emo wants her project (what's up with that? Is it for youtube, guey?) to include other people, so she wants to interview the Aparicio sisters and ask them about love and fidelity. They start talking about Armando and Alma says that she can understand him, because she too has used sex to fill a void. As for the interview itself, every sister answers according to her personality. Alma would totally forgive an infidelity, Julia babbles on and on and I'm not sure what she means and Meche thinks an infidelity is a betrayal and she can't forgive that.

The next day, Julia walks in on Armando masturbating, which I guess it's an improvement over the cheating, no? She doesn't notice though and asks him if he finished calling the women in his list, but he hasn't since some of them he doesn't even know how to get in touch with.

I'm still surprised that he even remembers their names.

Julia is still sort of mad and keeps whining about the gazillion times that she's forgiven him and about how she can't trust him anymore. The redundancy has begun since she's already said that about three million times.

She even asks him if he did it with Alma, which he denies, but that doesn't stop Julia from freaking herself out and picturing them together.

Quote of the episode

Julia (to Armando, regarding the women he cheated on her with): What? They're so many? So many that you don't even remember how many there are? 20? 30? 50? 100?

Episode 15

Julia still has it in her head that Alma and Armando had sex. Gross. So she visits Alma at the Atelier to confront her about it. She has a run in with Ileana, who was all virginal and anti sex back then and wants Julia to learn that sex outside of marriage is dangerous. They have some talk about STDs and I really think that Julia isn't the one to give this talk.

Alma vehemently denies doing Armando and I really want to believe her because, gross, I want to think that Alma has better taste than that.

Also, Armando is on the verge on an abstinence induced breakdown. He begs her for some sex, but she's still holding on, even though she admits it's hard. Things between them feel very strained, specially when, after the talk with Alma, Julia cries and tells him that she can't believe that she asked Alma such a thing and that he's infecting her with his BS and is going to drive her crazy.

So, was that what awoke the crazy, Julia?

In all this time I think the only scene were there seemed to be some love between those two was he asked her to move in with him, so, why the hell are you together, gueys?

Over at Emoland, Mariana continues doing her lame little videos and ignoring Julia's calls before heading out for a night on the town.

Quote of the episode

Mariana (videotaping herself): Well, if your love has a love, I recommend that you get out and find another one. It's a good attempt at distracting yourself, and maybe you'll get lucky and can make yourself forget the big questions: do I tell her? Do I not tell her? Does she love me? Does she not love me? And focus on the simple ones like, what do I wear?

Episode 16

It's mother's day and Julia barely makes an effort and gives Rafaela flowers. I don't like them as gifts, you can't do anything with them and they whither and die anyway.

Over at EmoCentral, Mariana wakes up, naked, with some strange chick. She seems regretful about it, for some reason.

Later that day, Julia is at Armando's cave. Following their fight/sex pattern, she bickers over some pan he used. He ignores her because he's on the phone, so she takes the phone away like the teenager she is and won't give it back. They struggle over it and end up kissing and almost having sex, but in order for this storyline to work Julia needs to be strong willed (which she isn't later on), so she puts a stop to it. Armando gets angry and leaves in a huff, she can follow the therapy if she wants to, but he's done!

We should make that sex/fight/breakup/makeup/sex/fight/breakup/ since I'm feeling a break up in the horizon.

Julia and Mariana go for a walk and spend the afternoon together discussing Mother's Day. Mariana doesn't believe in it and reminds us that her mother sucks, although eventually she admits she can't help but miss her mom, specially with all the motherly love in the air. Julia is still pretty normal at this point, and supportive, and I can see (a little) why Mariana could have fallen in love with her, although I can't fathom how she could stay in love with her after the crazy came out.

Eventually, their conversation turns to Armando and how Julia plans to spend the day with Mariana to forget about him. Or the lack of sex with him, specifically.

Maybe the abstinence was the key to her sanity back then.

The Assmanho talk continues when they get to Mariana's loft. Mari points out how unfair it is to Julia to be all abstinent if he's the one with the problem. Julia admits that he may be the one addicted to sex, but she's addicted to him (for some reason that I can't fathom either.)

If it was me I'd tell her that she'd be better off with a vibrator.

They go on to talk about the complicatedness of relationships and Julia continues to be in her own little world of self absorption when Mariana keeps talking about being in love with a person she can't admit that to, and Julia doesn't even ask her who that woman is. To pass the time, they even work on a fake script that mirrors their lives, which prompts Julia to go on and on about her situation and the horribleness of being abstinent.

Seriously, guey, just get a vibrator. If it makes you feel better, you can put a curly merkin on it and pretend it's Armando. That's the only thing you use him for, anyway.

Emo wants to outdo Julia's emoness, so she tells her that at least she (Julia) isn't alone, which is worse. Julia assures her that she's not alone and they have a brief semi gay moment when they hold each others' gazes a little too much.

Quote of the episode

Julia (about Armando): He's addicted to sex, and I'm addicted to him, that's the problem.

Episode 17

It's the next day, and Julia and Armando are together, so there must be a fight in the horizon. Since she's the only one in the family allowed to wear scarves, she immediately notices that he's wearing one. Of course, she gets suspicious about it rips it right off, revealing a big hickey underneath. Julia bitches about it (understandably) and walks right off. Armando doesn't even try to justify himself.

Julia drops by Mariana's place and they keep talking about Assmanho some more and working on their fake script, which of course it's about Armando and Julia's situation.

Ay que joderse, no wonder Julia thinks that she's the center of the universe.

Julia whines and whines about the fucking abstinence. She should just go masturbate already. Or better yet, let Mariana do it for her.

During their pretend therapy session, Julia admits that her love with Armando is very shallow and that the only place where they truly understand each other is in bed.

That night, the girls go out dancing together, but they're totally not to going to pick up men/women.

Yeah, right.

When Julia doesn't answer his calls, Assmanho calls some skank to hook up.

I know I'll sound redundant, but, gross.

Quote of the episode

Julia (about her 'love' with Armando): Love should be deep. But that's not how we live every day, we stay on the surface, because if we lived every day in the depths, we would've gone crazy already.

I need to say this: what depth Julia? Armando is about as deep as your bathtub, you shouldn't be afraid.

Episode 18

It's the next day and Assmanho arrives to an empty cave. He's wearing a suspicious looking scarf again, so I'm guessing there are more hickeys involved. When he finds the house empty, he calls Julia, but she doesn't answer because she's half naked on Mariana's bed. With some random dude. So, I guess that Mariana's inability to say no to Julia goes way back, because even though they're not together yet that's still totally inappropriate

Mariana pretends to sleep when Julia shushes the dude out y su caudal de penas no tiene fin so we'll get high quantities of emoness soon enough.

Later in the morning, Julia wakes up. She's too caught up in her own Armando/'i feel so guilty' BS to notice that Mariana is mad. Or disgusted. Or heartbroken.

Probably a mix of the three.

Eventually, Mariana's anger gets the best of her and she's all bitchy to Julia, who thinks that Emo is in a bad mood because she was too loud during sex and didn't let her sleep. Mariana calls her selfish, but Julia is all confused and doesn't get why she's all bitchy like that. Mari can't understand how Julia can be so clueless and eventually tells her to go.

When Julia gets home to Armando later in the day, Armando is angry and jealous and thinks that she spent the night with Mariana, who, by the way, is at her place crying and attacking her own bed to try to erase the images of Julia having sex with some dude on it.

So, if this affects you so much, Emo, how come being on the same bed with Julia while she had sex with Assmanho was chill?

Everyone had a personality change halfway through the series, gueys,

Quote of the episode

Mariana (to Julia, regarding Emo's feelings for her): What's wrong with you, guey? You really don't notice anything?

Episode 19

Emo is at the peak of her Emoness. She keeps ignoring Julia's messages and looking like shit. Armando, on the other hand, throws a jealous fit because of Julia's infidelity. Since he's a complete hypocritical asshole, when she calls Mariana he asks her if she's on the phone with the other dude. In fact, it's like him and Julia had a personality switch later on in the series when they were in Spain, because he's being as manipulative and has the same double standards that she has later on.

He asks her if she enjoyed it with the other guey, if she came, etc. When she asks him why he can't forgive her once when she's forgiven him so many times, he throws the sex addiction BS at her.

Spurned by lover #1, she pays a visit to (potential) lover #2, who's still all sorts of Emo and doesn't want to open the door. Julia keeps insisting and bitching that she's going through hell and her best friend isn't there helping her through it, so Mariana finally opens the door.

Julia is angry and demands to know what's wrong, why Mariana is like this, but Mariana is just too Emo and asks her to just go, which leaves Julia all confused when the door gets slammed in her face. Emo cries.

Since nobody wants her, Julia spends the night bonding with her sisters.

Quote of the episode

Julia (regarding her infidelity): What? After you've done it to me so many times, you can't forgive me once?
Armando: Damn it, Julia, you know perfectly that I'm sick.

Episode 20

The sister bonding continues and Julia keeps whining and whining about how complicated love is.

She whines a lot, I wish she would stop.

Meche tells Julia to not let Armando get to her since he's an asshole who's using his 'sickness' as an excuse, which he totally does. The girls spend the whole night talking and the next day Rafaela kicks Julia out so she can go face Assmanho.

Over at his cave, Julia tries to talk to Assmanho, but he keeps acting all hurt and indignant until he breaks up with her because he needs some space: he can't handle the fact that she screwed some other dude.

Spurned, again, by lover #1, Julia pays a visit to (potential) lover #2. Mariana has calmed down a bit and doesn't kick her out, but she's still hurt. Julia gives her some candy as a peace offering, and Mariana, who can't resist this guey, accepts Julia's hug and friendship.

I can't believe that Julia didn't ask her why the hell she was mad.
Actually, I can.

Later that day, Julia goes back to Armando's cave and packs her things while remembering the .00001 seconds of happiness she had with him while they lived together.

Julia goes back home and she, her sisters + Rafaela/Nana eat some ice cream to soothe their woes.

Quote of the episode

Meche (to Julia, regarding her relationship with Armando): No, Julia, you're not codependent. Don't put that in your head because you're not, my love. Simply, you moved in with a major asshole and that's it. He's using his sickness as an excuse.