What's up, guys?
Still here. Let's get to it.
The family is having one of their standard family dinners, this time to introduce Leo (zzz) to the family. Mariana and Dani are there, but Armando isn't because he's still in the doghouse. Mariana makes a toast to the Aparicio Women because they're the most beautiful women in the world, which makes Dani give Mariana the evil eye. When the girls get a moment alone, Mariana tries to get Julia to talk about what's bothering her, but Julia is still bitchy and doesn't want to talk.
That night, the sisters have one of those awesome sister moments that I love so much. Julia thinks that there must be something wrong with her (which is true, I say) if Armando doesn't think that she's enough and has to be looking elsewhere. When Alma joins in the conversation and listens to Julia talk about her Armando blues, Alma suggests that Armando may be addicted to sex. Julia, who is very impressionable, believes that it could be true and starts looking it up online.
Meanwhile, over at his cave, Armando is with a couple of women who look so skanky that I don't know if they're real or if he's making them up. I also don't care. The next day he feels and looks like shit, crying over Julia.
Over at Mariana's loft, Dani has another one of her jealous fits over Julia. Mariana gets angry that they're having the same fight again and assures her that Julia's like her sister, but Dani insists that nobody treats their sister like she treats Julia. She's also sure that if Julia wasn't straight, Mariana wouldn't hesitate to drop her like a hot potato to be with the Crazy One.
Dani's words hit home and Mariana spends the night awake, lost in thought. She's finally admitted to herself that she's in love with the Crazy One (I'm still not sure why) and when Dani realizes it, she breaks up with Mariana, for both of their sake.
Quote of the episode
Dani (to Mariana): I don't know anyone, ANYONE, who treats her sister like you treat Julia. I don't know anyone who gets as jealous as you do when it comes to Julia. Think about it, Mariana. Maybe you're wasting your time with me. I think that the only reason why I'm still here is because Julia is straight, because if it wasn't for that you wouldn't hesitate for a second before exchanging me for her.
Dani packs her bags and is ready to move out. Before leaving, she tells Mariana to tell Julia how she feels about her, but Emo has officially gone emo and is completely sure that Julia is straight and doesn't love her back. Just as Dani is leaving, Julia arrives needing to talk about her mega redundant Armando bullshit. Mariana is ambiguous about the break up and tries to get Julia to talk about her own problems, but, for once, Julia puts Mariana first and wants to help her get through the break up with movies and ice cream.
I keep telling you, Julia was somewhat sane at some point. I'm starting to fear that it was the lesbian sex what turned on the crazy.
Despite Julia's efforts, Emo wants to stay emo and wants to be alone. I'm assuming that Mariana just can't face Julia at the moment. It would've been a winning attitude, I wish she had kept it up.
Since Mariana doesn't want her, Julia goes to see Armando. She finds him drunk, on the floor, in a fetal position and looking like a complete dumbass. He's all 'woe is me, I'm such an idiot who screws everything up'. Since Julia's really soft and cares about him for some reason, she comforts him. Once he sobers up a little, they have a civil conversation where Julia admits that she wants to let him go, but can't. So she suggests that they should go to therapy because he's a sex addict.
Over at Emo Central, Mariana starts making little videos where she talks about her unrequited love and fantasizing about Julia naked on her bed.
Quote of the episode
Mariana (filming her video): The goal of this project it's to talk about love. And not the kind of love we see every day at malls, at the movies and with the chocolates, but the love that penetrates, the love that hurts, the love that doesn't let you escape.
Julia has found a support group for sex addicts, but Armando isn't sure that he wants to go now that he's no longer in a fetal position on the floor. She insists that they have to find a solution for their problem and when she points out that the relationship is going to hell if they don't do something soon, he agrees to go.
Later, when they come back, Armando is completely outraged at the suggested treatment: 4 months of complete sexual abstinence, they can't even masturbate. I kind of agree with Assmanho on this one, that's pretty retarded. If a sex addict could spend 4 months without sex they wouldn't need the therapy, no?
Their second assignment is for the two of them to spend an hour talking about his infidelities. Specifically, he has to spend an hour telling her about all of the times when he cheated, which are dozens.
After some pressure from Julia, Armando agrees to go through with it and later that day he goes through the list of women that he's cheated on her with. The list is endless and even includes friends of Julia, cousins of his, a sick girl who had a liver transplant and some chick called Eréndira . Then he gets all cryptic and tells Julia that there is one me woman, but he's not sure if she could handle it. But Julia doesn't want to handle it: she's done, she doesn't want to hear any more.
Meanwhile, over at Emoland, Mariana keeps ignoring Julia's calls and working on her little videos.
Quote of the episode
Mariana (filming herself):We all have a 'my love'. My love, has her own. Who does yours have?
Julia visits Mariana to whine about her forced abstinence and Armando's whorish ways. She's too self involved to notice that Mariana is hurting and monosyllabic (what else is new?) and just goes on and on about it endlessly. Too hurt to talk much, Mariana just goes over to Julia and caresses her hair. Julia takes the opportunity to give her a big hug and Mariana just looks emoer by the second.
Over at his cave, Armando is fulfilling his other assignment: calling all the women that he slept with and apologizing to them. I'm not sure why he has to apologize because from what we've seen the women that he tends to sleep around with are kind of loose anyway, so I'm sure no feelings were hurt. So, his therapist kind of sucks. It's still funny, however to see him stuttering when they keep insinuating themselves to him.
That night, Mariana and Julia are at Aparicio Central. Emo wants her project (what's up with that? Is it for youtube, guey?) to include other people, so she wants to interview the Aparicio sisters and ask them about love and fidelity. They start talking about Armando and Alma says that she can understand him, because she too has used sex to fill a void. As for the interview itself, every sister answers according to her personality. Alma would totally forgive an infidelity, Julia babbles on and on and I'm not sure what she means and Meche thinks an infidelity is a betrayal and she can't forgive that.
The next day, Julia walks in on Armando masturbating, which I guess it's an improvement over the cheating, no? She doesn't notice though and asks him if he finished calling the women in his list, but he hasn't since some of them he doesn't even know how to get in touch with.
I'm still surprised that he even remembers their names.
Julia is still sort of mad and keeps whining about the gazillion times that she's forgiven him and about how she can't trust him anymore. The redundancy has begun since she's already said that about three million times.
She even asks him if he did it with Alma, which he denies, but that doesn't stop Julia from freaking herself out and picturing them together.
Quote of the episode
Julia (to Armando, regarding the women he cheated on her with): What? They're so many? So many that you don't even remember how many there are? 20? 30? 50? 100?
Julia still has it in her head that Alma and Armando had sex. Gross. So she visits Alma at the Atelier to confront her about it. She has a run in with Ileana, who was all virginal and anti sex back then and wants Julia to learn that sex outside of marriage is dangerous. They have some talk about STDs and I really think that Julia isn't the one to give this talk.
Alma vehemently denies doing Armando and I really want to believe her because, gross, I want to think that Alma has better taste than that.
Also, Armando is on the verge on an abstinence induced breakdown. He begs her for some sex, but she's still holding on, even though she admits it's hard. Things between them feel very strained, specially when, after the talk with Alma, Julia cries and tells him that she can't believe that she asked Alma such a thing and that he's infecting her with his BS and is going to drive her crazy.
So, was that what awoke the crazy, Julia?
In all this time I think the only scene were there seemed to be some love between those two was he asked her to move in with him, so, why the hell are you together, gueys?
Over at Emoland, Mariana continues doing her lame little videos and ignoring Julia's calls before heading out for a night on the town.
Quote of the episode
Mariana (videotaping herself): Well, if your love has a love, I recommend that you get out and find another one. It's a good attempt at distracting yourself, and maybe you'll get lucky and can make yourself forget the big questions: do I tell her? Do I not tell her? Does she love me? Does she not love me? And focus on the simple ones like, what do I wear?
It's mother's day and Julia barely makes an effort and gives Rafaela flowers. I don't like them as gifts, you can't do anything with them and they whither and die anyway.
Over at EmoCentral, Mariana wakes up, naked, with some strange chick. She seems regretful about it, for some reason.
Later that day, Julia is at Armando's cave. Following their fight/sex pattern, she bickers over some pan he used. He ignores her because he's on the phone, so she takes the phone away like the teenager she is and won't give it back. They struggle over it and end up kissing and almost having sex, but in order for this storyline to work Julia needs to be strong willed (which she isn't later on), so she puts a stop to it. Armando gets angry and leaves in a huff, she can follow the therapy if she wants to, but he's done!
We should make that sex/fight/breakup/makeup/sex/fight/breakup/ since I'm feeling a break up in the horizon.
Julia and Mariana go for a walk and spend the afternoon together discussing Mother's Day. Mariana doesn't believe in it and reminds us that her mother sucks, although eventually she admits she can't help but miss her mom, specially with all the motherly love in the air. Julia is still pretty normal at this point, and supportive, and I can see (a little) why Mariana could have fallen in love with her, although I can't fathom how she could stay in love with her after the crazy came out.
Eventually, their conversation turns to Armando and how Julia plans to spend the day with Mariana to forget about him. Or the lack of sex with him, specifically.
Maybe the abstinence was the key to her sanity back then.
The Assmanho talk continues when they get to Mariana's loft. Mari points out how unfair it is to Julia to be all abstinent if he's the one with the problem. Julia admits that he may be the one addicted to sex, but she's addicted to him (for some reason that I can't fathom either.)
If it was me I'd tell her that she'd be better off with a vibrator.
They go on to talk about the complicatedness of relationships and Julia continues to be in her own little world of self absorption when Mariana keeps talking about being in love with a person she can't admit that to, and Julia doesn't even ask her who that woman is. To pass the time, they even work on a fake script that mirrors their lives, which prompts Julia to go on and on about her situation and the horribleness of being abstinent.
Seriously, guey, just get a vibrator. If it makes you feel better, you can put a curly merkin on it and pretend it's Armando. That's the only thing you use him for, anyway.
Emo wants to outdo Julia's emoness, so she tells her that at least she (Julia) isn't alone, which is worse. Julia assures her that she's not alone and they have a brief semi gay moment when they hold each others' gazes a little too much.
Quote of the episode
Julia (about Armando): He's addicted to sex, and I'm addicted to him, that's the problem.
It's the next day, and Julia and Armando are together, so there must be a fight in the horizon. Since she's the only one in the family allowed to wear scarves, she immediately notices that he's wearing one. Of course, she gets suspicious about it rips it right off, revealing a big hickey underneath. Julia bitches about it (understandably) and walks right off. Armando doesn't even try to justify himself.
Julia drops by Mariana's place and they keep talking about Assmanho some more and working on their fake script, which of course it's about Armando and Julia's situation.
Ay que joderse, no wonder Julia thinks that she's the center of the universe.
Julia whines and whines about the fucking abstinence. She should just go masturbate already. Or better yet, let Mariana do it for her.
During their pretend therapy session, Julia admits that her love with Armando is very shallow and that the only place where they truly understand each other is in bed.
That night, the girls go out dancing together, but they're totally not to going to pick up men/women.
When Julia doesn't answer his calls, Assmanho calls some skank to hook up.
I know I'll sound redundant, but, gross.
Quote of the episode
Julia (about her 'love' with Armando): Love should be deep. But that's not how we live every day, we stay on the surface, because if we lived every day in the depths, we would've gone crazy already.
I need to say this: what depth Julia? Armando is about as deep as your bathtub, you shouldn't be afraid.
It's the next day and Assmanho arrives to an empty cave. He's wearing a suspicious looking scarf again, so I'm guessing there are more hickeys involved. When he finds the house empty, he calls Julia, but she doesn't answer because she's half naked on Mariana's bed. With some random dude. So, I guess that Mariana's inability to say no to Julia goes way back, because even though they're not together yet that's still totally inappropriate
Mariana pretends to sleep when Julia shushes the dude out y su caudal de penas no tiene fin so we'll get high quantities of emoness soon enough.
Later in the morning, Julia wakes up. She's too caught up in her own Armando/'i feel so guilty' BS to notice that Mariana is mad. Or disgusted. Or heartbroken.
Probably a mix of the three.
Eventually, Mariana's anger gets the best of her and she's all bitchy to Julia, who thinks that Emo is in a bad mood because she was too loud during sex and didn't let her sleep. Mariana calls her selfish, but Julia is all confused and doesn't get why she's all bitchy like that. Mari can't understand how Julia can be so clueless and eventually tells her to go.
When Julia gets home to Armando later in the day, Armando is angry and jealous and thinks that she spent the night with Mariana, who, by the way, is at her place crying and attacking her own bed to try to erase the images of Julia having sex with some dude on it.
So, if this affects you so much, Emo, how come being on the same bed with Julia while she had sex with Assmanho was chill?
Everyone had a personality change halfway through the series, gueys,
Quote of the episode
Mariana (to Julia, regarding Emo's feelings for her): What's wrong with you, guey? You really don't notice anything?
Emo is at the peak of her Emoness. She keeps ignoring Julia's messages and looking like shit. Armando, on the other hand, throws a jealous fit because of Julia's infidelity. Since he's a complete hypocritical asshole, when she calls Mariana he asks her if she's on the phone with the other dude. In fact, it's like him and Julia had a personality switch later on in the series when they were in Spain, because he's being as manipulative and has the same double standards that she has later on.
He asks her if she enjoyed it with the other guey, if she came, etc. When she asks him why he can't forgive her once when she's forgiven him so many times, he throws the sex addiction BS at her.
Spurned by lover #1, she pays a visit to (potential) lover #2, who's still all sorts of Emo and doesn't want to open the door. Julia keeps insisting and bitching that she's going through hell and her best friend isn't there helping her through it, so Mariana finally opens the door.
Julia is angry and demands to know what's wrong, why Mariana is like this, but Mariana is just too Emo and asks her to just go, which leaves Julia all confused when the door gets slammed in her face. Emo cries.
Since nobody wants her, Julia spends the night bonding with her sisters.
Quote of the episode
Julia (regarding her infidelity): What? After you've done it to me so many times, you can't forgive me once?
Armando: Damn it, Julia, you know perfectly that I'm sick.
The sister bonding continues and Julia keeps whining and whining about how complicated love is.
She whines a lot, I wish she would stop.
Meche tells Julia to not let Armando get to her since he's an asshole who's using his 'sickness' as an excuse, which he totally does. The girls spend the whole night talking and the next day Rafaela kicks Julia out so she can go face Assmanho.
Over at his cave, Julia tries to talk to Assmanho, but he keeps acting all hurt and indignant until he breaks up with her because he needs some space: he can't handle the fact that she screwed some other dude.
Spurned, again, by lover #1, Julia pays a visit to (potential) lover #2. Mariana has calmed down a bit and doesn't kick her out, but she's still hurt. Julia gives her some candy as a peace offering, and Mariana, who can't resist this guey, accepts Julia's hug and friendship.
I can't believe that Julia didn't ask her why the hell she was mad.
Actually, I can.
Later that day, Julia goes back to Armando's cave and packs her things while remembering the .00001 seconds of happiness she had with him while they lived together.
Julia goes back home and she, her sisters + Rafaela/Nana eat some ice cream to soothe their woes.
Quote of the episode
Meche (to Julia, regarding her relationship with Armando): No, Julia, you're not codependent. Don't put that in your head because you're not, my love. Simply, you moved in with a major asshole and that's it. He's using his sickness as an excuse.