Sunday, September 12, 2010

Las Aparicio Recaps ep 99-100

What's up, guys?

Once again, thanks for all the comments and the support!

Let's get to it.

Episode 99

Aparicio Central. Day.

The sisters enter panic mode as they all discover the goodbye letters that Mrs. Drama Queen, Rafaela, left them in their bedrooms. She's decided to turn herself over to the police because of her involvement in Maximo's death.

Julia whines and is all around confused about the situation, but, then again, she's always confused at all times, at any given hour/day/week/year/decade/century/millennium.

MEC offers to stay behind and look after Isadora while the big sisters, the capable ones, go to fix the problem.

Later that day, Mariana is suddenly there at Aparicio Central. We couldn't expect Julia to manage dressing in the morning without getting confused about how to put on her underwear so, of course, we can't expect Julia to manage a crisis of this magnitude without her, I mean, her soulmate offering unconditional support.

The girls offer Nana some support too, since she's on the verge of a nervous breakdown now that she's faced with the thought of life without Rafaela.

Julia: Nana, are you okay? What are you doing?
Nana: No, truth be told, I'm not okay. I feel desperate, very nervous..

She goes on and on rambling about things she's going to bring Rafaela to her cell and whatever. Julia tries to calm her down by reminding her that nothing has happened yet, she shouldn't get ahead of herself.

Nana's going through her own bout of the crazy, which seems to happen often in this family, so she can't be reasoned with, she's still irrational with the fear of losing Rafaela.

Nana: Now, what am I going to do? I can't find a way out. I just feel...I mean, what am I going to do without her?

Orale, that sounded pretty gay. I will say that, considering how the Juliana storyline has developed, or rather, undeveloped since they both have gone backwards instead of growing up, I think that Rafaela and Nana make a better/cuter couple.

The girls notice the gayness of the statement too and do a double take. They stumble a bit with the words, but manage to ask Nana what she means. Nana says that it's not like they're (we're) thinking: she and Rafaela have just been together (but not that kind of together) for decades and she wouldn't know how to be without her.

That still sounds gay, Nana, but, okay. I don't need images of you and Rafaela together anyway.

In an effort to calm Nana down, they bring out their solution to everyone's problems:

Now I'm kind of curious to see how Nana would be drunk.

The tequila calms her down, but Nana still seems kind of dazed and unfocused: losing Rafaela really has her completely dismantled.

Jenny reference. :)

She still assures the girls that she's okay, that she's calmed down and they shouldn't worry about her doing something crazy like turning herself in to be with Rafaela (which she said she was going to do, before they brought out the tequila).

Then everything is suddenly okay when Julia receives a call with the glorious news that they let Rafaela out already.

They all squeal with delight.

That afternoon, Isadora is back from school and Juliana and Nana are fussing over her and feeding her dinner. The girl is sharp, I think she senses something's up, but she doesn't push when they don't tell her much. What she does ask however, is much cooler.

Isadora (to Mariana): So, you and Armando aren't boyfriend and girlfriend anymore?

**Snickers*** Let's bring on the awkwardness!

Mariana: Me? Me and Armando? No, no, no. Armando was her (pointing Julia) buddy.


Julia is as amused by this as I am.

I must say, I'm not sure how I feel about them telling Isadora about this. She's what? 10? 11? Why confuse her with such polyamoury stuff? I'm 24 and I'm still recovering...

The exchange continues to be endearing, though. Isadora, at the use of the word 'buddies', thinks of her mother and Claudio, who are buddies as well...only they're boyfriend and girlfriend.

Isadora (to Mariana): I thought you didn't like boys.
Julia: No, she doesn't like boys, which is why Armando was never her boyfriend, he was MY boyfriend, but now he isn't my boyfriend either.

Joder, this kid will need therapy. I think we have another Ileana in the making.

Isadora (to Mariana): And when are you two getting married?

Jeje. I think Julia bribed her to say that, since she laughs delightedly at the question. Mariana, however, panics.

That would be my reaction too, Mariana, at the thought of marrying Julia. In fact, yours is mild: I think I'd be like this:

Mariana coughs and looks around trying to avoid the topic. Julia tells Isadora she needs to ask her auntie Mariana about that.

Panriana (Panic+Mariana) tells Isadora that, just because there's a new law that allows them to get married, that doesn't mean that they're going to, etc. Julia continues to look at Mariana with this face that says 'yeah, honey. When ARE we going to get married?'. Poor Panriana continues to be corned and in the spot.

I still smell a conspiracy here.

Isadora: Are you going to get married or not?
Mariana: Why?
Julia: Because Isadora told me the other day that when people love each other very much, they ALWAYS get married.

Isadora: Exactly.

Seriously, Julia, how much did you pay the kid?

Julia: And Isadora is totally right, right Isa?

Run, Mariana, run!

The wedding talk continues. Isadora asks them, who's going to wear the dress? Which prompts Julia to go on and on about the dress, the cake and everything she wants at their wedding.

Abandon ship, Mariana!

Panriana can't take it anymore when Nana wonders if they can put two women on top of the cake, so she runs off to the bathroom.

That night, Rafaela comes home. The girls arrive and throw themselves at Rafaela, squealing with delight. They hug her and Mariana shows her how much she missed her by licking Rafaela's face.

Ew guey. What's with you and licking? There's only one situation in which licking someone is okay and I don't want to get too XXX, so I'll shut up now.

This scene is very important though, since it reveals to us, in case we hadn't guessed it already, what the center of the universe is:

Yes, Julia. How do I know? Because the first words out of her mouth are to reprimand Rafaela for putting them through what she put them through. You know, the fact that Rafaela spent 15 years thinking she killed her son in law and was resigned to a lifetime of jail to pay for it just doesn't compare, AT ALL, to what MEC went through. Right, Julia?

For the record, I don't HATE Julia, but she just sucks.

Armando's Cave. Night.

Do I still need to recap Armando?
No free polls

Please let me know.

Armando and Dani are drinking a clear substance. I want to say it's water, but, based on previous experiences, it's probably tequila.

She congratulates him because he has spent 4 whole hours without thinking about Julia. When he's silent, she knows that something's up, so he admits that he's thought about Julia a gazillion times in the last 45 minutes, and it has gotten worse since they came home.

Armando: For example, I don't know if she's missing me, if she's thinking about me, what is she doing?

I can answer: no, no, developing evil plots to make Mariana marry her. She just used you, guey, forget her.

He goes on to say that he sees Julia everywhere in the house, even in her favorite dining room chair, where she loved to seat.

Wow, what a wonderful life you must have had together if that's the kind of things that come to your mind, so exciting.

Dani reminds him that Julia is not dead, that maybe someday she'll sit there again. She jokingly puts the chair outside so that his imaginary Julia can no longer sit there or something. The Saint Patron of Abandoned Spouses reminds Poormando that he just needs to have some fun.

But, he asks, how to distract himself without getting rid of all the furniture in his house?

Since we can't forget that Dani 1.5 has a naughty side, she tells him that she has a million ideas, in fact, she's got a perfect one that requires two people.

I wonder what it can be. The suspense is (not) killing me.

Aparicio Central. Night.

The family is still gathered around Rafaela. They notice for the first time that no one has seen Ileana that day. They don't know that she too got a letter from Rafaela and has decided to run away from home since she thinks that her grandma had her pa killed.

Armando's Cave. Night.

Seemingly naughty things are happening, but, probably not.

You can hear Armando's muffled groans.

Dani: I bet you didn't imagine it like this, did you?
Armando: No.

Dani: Like this, or harder?

Armando: Harder.

She's not pegging him, like it may seem. She's giving him a massage.

And, if you don't know what pegging is, I'm not going to pollute your minds.

The lockless door problem, however, seems to be universal since Bruno and Ileana walk in on them, suitcases in hand.

They decided to drop by to ask Armando if they could crash at his place for a few days. Ileana is uncomfortable and wants to leave, but Armando is a nice guy now and wouldn't let them. He asks them if they're okay and let's them stay.

Nana's Voice Over.

While Nana talks about whatever, the girls are in Julia's room, who continues with her wedding plans. Mariana doesn't seem too happy.

Julia: What do you picture wearing on our wedding day?
Mariana: On our wedding day? Really, Julia?
Julia: Yes. What?

Come on, guey. Don't play so hard to get. As if you're not going to do exactly what Julia wants, eventually.

Tonight I leave you with....

.......pregnant Mara! Because she WAS pregnant after all!


Episode 100

Aparicio Central. Night.

The girls are in Julia's room. Mariana's ready to leave. Julia scolds her, she can't understand how Emo could be so upset over some harmless wedding jokes. Is she so afraid of commitment or what?

I'd be terrified of commitment with YOU, Julia. God spare me of such horrible fate.

Mariana points out that it has nothing to do with commitment, she's basically fed up with Julia's craziness.

Mariana: You're crazy. We started out as friends, right? Then you got confused, then you made up your mind and we were a couple. Then you got confused again when Armando came back. Then you decided and we got into the polyamoury thing. Then you got confused again and sent us both to hell, guey. Now it hasn't even been a week of that, and now you're talking about weddings, guey! We're not even girlfriends!

Score! Awesome!!!!

Yes, Mariana! She's crazy, crazy, crazy. Don't forget it, EVER. For your own good. I'm so glad you finally listened to me, but I fear that Julia's obscure and unnatural superpowers will cloud your judgment soon.

MEC brings out her wounded puppy face and apologizes for her confusion phases, which she admits were horrible, but now they've moved on from that and she's 'there' with Mariana.

Mariana doesn't really know where 'there' is, and points out that they've had this conversation before. Julia answers with an expected, 'are we supposed to never talk about this again?'

Emo just can't act as if nothing happened after Julia just broke up with her like that.

Julia: What? I can't take it back? Hello! I'm a human being, I make mistakes, I'm not a robot.

What's this talk? Crazy Julia, robots...have you been reading my recaps?

Anyway, Mariana just needs to resort to an old lesbian tradition: processing. She needs time to process everything that's happened before she can assimilate everything.

I don't think Julia likes that idea.

Julia is tired and bored of all the talk, talk, talk. Mariana is bored (aren't we all?) of Julia's confusions.

MEC tries to defend herself by reminding Mariana that she came back from Spain for her, but Mariana will hear nothing of it. She kind of gives Julia an ultimatum: if she (Julia) wants their friendship to survive, they need some time to mourn their romantic relationship; and if she(Julia) wants to rekindle their romance, then they need to talk about things and process them.

Mariana leaves.

Huh, I don't think talking to a crazy person will do much good, Mariana.

Armando's Cave. Night.

Seriously, do I still need to recap Armando?

Let's keep it short. He wants to make it clear that he's not with Dani. Ileana is too emo to care, she asks Armando to stay at his house, he accepts. She makes him promise not to tell the Aparicio women.

The next day, Bruno and Ileana are making themselves at home and Armando has a yoga date with Dani.

Mariana's Loft. Day.

Mariana's on her computer when Julia arrives, she needs a favor from Mariana. Emo lets her know she will be there any time she needs a favor, but if Julia wants her to accompany her in her life, then they need to talk about their relationship.

It's useless to talk to the crazy people, Mariana, just listen to me.

Julia gives in: she's ready to process.

Julia comes in and the girls get settled for their talk. Mariana starts: she needs certainty and 'entrega' from Julia. I'm having a hard time finding a word in English that can express what 'entrega' means in this context...commitment? Surrender? Basically, she wants Julia to give herself completely to the relationship, I guess.

The Queen doesn't really seem to understand what she means.

I kinda don't blame her since Mariana IS sort of stumbling with her words... just say it woman.

I'm finding all this processing hard to recap since they're being all vague and aren't saying what they really mean. Julia brings up Armando and tells Mariana not to compare what she had with him with what the two of them have.

Mariana: Well, maybe yes. Maybe with Armando you feel...
Julia: No, I 'felt', past tense.

Mariana: Sorry, you 'felt' like freer...


Okay, let's cut through the bullshit: I think Mariana just thinks Julia is very emotionally connected with her, but not as much sexually, like she was with Cuca.

Mariana: Guey, what I mean is that having my best friend as my girlfriend is a blessing, guey. Anyone would want that and I'm very grateful, but I also want a partner that wants to rip my clothes off, guey, eat me with kisses.

Now we're talking, she wants horny Julia to come out with her. Maybe MEC should call Dani for some tips on this topic.

I think that Julia finally gets Mariana's point.

The phone interrupts their talk. It's a producer offering them parts in a telenovela. Mariana doesn't seem too excited about it (she never seems excited about acting, I think she just does it for Julia), but Jules is very excited, so they decide they can finish their talk later and leave to meet with the producer.

Gym. Day.

Um, this ain't yoga.

I'm thinking that Dani calls any type of physical activity 'yoga'. Sex, walking, playing, yoga, yoga.

I'm still keeping this short until you let me know if you still want me to recap Armando, I'm not that big a masochist, I'm not doing it unless you want me to.

Dani and Armando talk after the class. She noticed that he seems preoccupied with something and he confesses that Ileana is hiding out at his house. He's using a loophole: he promised not to tell any Aparicio women, but he can tell Dani since she isn't an Aparicio and she hasn't promised anything to anyone.

The Saint Patron calls Mariana's house and leaves her a message telling her to call back.

Mariana's Loft. Night.

The girls are back from their audition. They're talking about the ridiculousness of their parts: Julia will be playing Mariana's mom, even though Emo is older than her by 4 months.

Well, THAT I have got to see.

PAriana (Passive Agressive + Mariana) says, sounding all jealous underneath the surface, that at least it's cool that Julia will get to work with some guy MEC likes a lot and has worked with before.

Julia: Who says I like him?
Mariana: Well, I don't know, it's pretty obvious. Maybe it's his eyes or those shorts that remind you of..

Julia: They don't remind me of anybody and stop fucking around because that was acting.

Mariana: I don't know, it didn't seem like acting to me, you looked like you were going to undress him at that moment.

Well, given MEC's track record, I'm inclined to believe Emo's version.

Julia keeps denying any wrong doing and says that she couldn't have possibly undressed him in front of all those people and..

... Mariana stops her and they proceed to get it on.

They need to do something about their long hair because it's all over the place and I can't see the cool stuff too well.

Nana's Voice Over.

During the voice over, Nana talks about goodbyes, and about how sometimes they can be good since, without them, we wouldn't get sweet reunions.

But, when exactly did these two say goodbye anyway?

Tonight I leave you with......

....disappearing Maximos! Nooooo! Come back!!!!!!!

I just can't tell you to enjoy this horrible thing.



  1. So how many more episodes are there? I can't take all this confusion anymore. Your recapping is the only thing that keeps me coming back for more about this crazy show.

  2. thanks for recapping :)

  3. The Jenny dismantal reference was the best
    Crazy Jenny Show = Crazy Julia Show
    I could care less about Assmanho unless it has to do with the girls
    Juliana seems to be humpimg like rabbits instead of talking
    I think they did get ideas from your recaps bout the crazy/robot
    plus all the humping they are doing now
    wow only 20 recaps more to go it is been hell on wheels huh?

  4. I think I'm actually really gonna miss these two when it's all over :-( Thanks for all your recaps you are a total star. X

  5. 'but when exactly did these two say goodbye anyway' - great line! that is exactly what I was thinking when I heard the voice over. great recap as always~

  6. thx for the recaps,u r the best,peace.