Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Las Aparicio Recaps ep 60-61

What's up guys?

For some reason, I've been dreading recapping episodes 60-65 for like, a month and a half. I guess it's because that's when things took a turn for the worse and I needed distance to be able to watch them to recap. But I want to get them done, I don't like leaving things hanging.

I also want to thank you all for all the support and comments I've been getting lately. They really do make my days. And, welcome, new followers!

I hope this can tide you over until I get my hands on the newest material.

Prepare your eyes, because it ain't gonna be pretty.

Episode 60

Nana's VO

Julia and Mariana are playing around, wearing each others clothes: Julia has Mariana's trademark shirt and boots on, while Mariana is trying to get a handle on high heels.

My ex soulmate (sorry, Mariana, but after all you've put me through you can't continue to be my soulmate) is very much like me: she can't walk two steps wearing high heels without falling.


Aw, the semi good times.

I'm not sure what this bit is about, nor do I care....it was kinda sweet.

Mariana's Loft. Day.

Julia continues to be stressed out over that series that put the evil ideas in her head. She's tired and she can't concentrate, which I guess isn't surprising considering inside her head it must be like this:


Mariana is leaving to drop some food off at Alma's Atelier, which must be their only client since they're always dropping food over there.

Is your bra showing, guey? Your bra is always showing and it is always that one. I notice things like that. Considering all the shit Julia has put you through and will continue to put you through, she should a least get you a new bra and another pair of boots. Wearing them all the time is cute and all, but they must have holes in them by now.

Also, that's all the food you're dropping off? I hope they pay you enough for the taxi or the gas you'll need to get over there, to make it worth it.

Once she leaves, Julia's head starts playing tricks on her. She turns around and what she sees inspires horror in me.

Or laughter. Either way, it's the most unsexy thing I have ever seen in my life.

Imaginary Armando: Shall we rehearse, my love?

Julia isn't horrified or tickled by uncontrollable laughter like I want her to be. Instead, she just looks confused, as she often does. By now, Liz Gallardo can probably give advanced workshops on the art of looking confused.

This whole scene is a very bad omen.

Later, Julia is passionately rehearsing her scenes, which conveniently parallel her life.

Julia: You have to make a decision! Either you love her, or you love me! No, I can't decide. I want you both. What's so wrong about that?


A shitload of things are wrong about that. Primarily, wanting them both is unfair because you would be hurting them both.

This is all the scriptwriters' fault for writing that crap and putting ideas in Julia's head. Don't they know how easily manipulated she is?

The phone rings. It's Assmando. MEC hesitates for a second when she sees the caller ID, but picks up anyway.

He tells her that he had a weird dream last night and she says that she did too and he's all 'yeah, let's talk' and I'm all 'I hate you, gueys'. Because we all know where this is going.

Julia, as mature as ever, hangs up on him and leaves him talking to himself.

Alma's Atelier. Day.

Mariana is dropping off the food at the Atelier.

Mariana starts to tease Ileana, as she often does, and I am filled with dread when I see Hernan hovering in the background.


One cool thing about the newest recaps: no Hernan.

Ileana teases Mariana right back and asks her if Julia finally came to her senses and is leaving her alone. Hernan uses that cue to join the conversation and bore us. 'Alone!' he says, ' Is he invisible?'

I wish, guey. Maybe not invisible, but mute.

Mariana continues the teasing and tells Hernan that their back and forth comments are a big part of the reason why she goes to the Atelier, that Ileana brings light to her day every time she sees her and that she will never forget their first time.

Huh? Is there something you need to tell us, Mariana?

I assume she's joking.

Miss Stick in the Mud is increasingly uncomfortable. Mariana turns over to Hernan and tells him Ileana is so paranoid of the gays that she won't even let her (Mari) follow her (ileana) in twitter.

Again with the twitter. Sometimes I suspect Twitter, along with the tequila makers, finance the whole show in their attempt to take over the world.

Teaseriana (Teaser+Mariana) then proceeds to tell Hernan about that time she walked in on Ileana changing her clothes and MSITM nearly had a heart attack and shut herself in the closet, of all places.

Hernan tries to keep up with the teasing, but he's too boring even for that. I don't really think she inherited his sense of humor, no matter what he says.

Mariana: Don't get mad, we're soulmates. We're sisters...carnal sisters.
Ileana (pushing Mariana away): We're nothing.
Mariana: She touched me! Did you see that??!

Yes I did. And I can't believe this scene isn't over already. I want to get to my Julia bashing.

Unfortunately, they're not done. Hernan thanks Ileana for telling him about the gay bashing. Mariana mumbles something about Ileana's motivation, and MSITM reacts.

Ileana: Well, it's not like I'm the villain of the story. Maybe you and I don't agree on many things, but I don't like to see you hurt.

I respect that.

Mariana jokes that she knew it! She knew that Ileana cares about her, so she goes over to give her a hug. Ileana agrees and gives her the most uncomfortable, two second hug ever.

Armando's Cave. Day.

You know, when a straight chick has a close encounter of the lesbian kind, she usually goes ahead and has endless hours of straight sex to cancel it out, right?

Our dear Julia does the opposite. Instead of locking Mariana in their room and spending an entire lunar cycle reaffirming their lust..um love, Julia has the brilliant idea of going over to see Armando after hanging up on him.


Assmando is obviously happy to see her and invites her in quickly. She walks in like someone lit a fire under her ass. I wonder what she went there to do. To make pastries, as we often see her and Mariana do?

He asks her if she's okay, and she says no. She's all breathless and can't look him in the eye. You know when you're trying to will yourself to not do something, but you just know you're going to give in? That's what she looks like.

In which case, why the hell did you go to see him? You should've just stayed home and found useful things to do with your hands. I would've liked you better.

He apologizes for the call, but she just pounces on him.

What follows is a series of grunts and moans and hollows 'i shouldn't be doing this' and 'don't worry this was supposed to happen' and whatever.

I hate you, Julia.

Not for Mariana's sake, she's an alien who has fallen out of grace with me for being so passive. No, no, for my sake. Now I have to cut out my eyes and brains with some sharp object if I am to ever erase such gross images from my head.

I think I might suffer from some form of PTSD because of this.

Alma's Atelier. Day.

Hernan wants Ileana to tell him more about Julia and Mariana growing up. She tells him that Julia and Mariana were always very close, and that Ileana herself had a 'dark' streak when she was younger, which explains Alma's dream later on.

Mariana and Julia never really had a thing like that, they were always just into acting and cooking. However, Ileana remembers that, when she was very young, Mariana had a streak where she dressed like a Russian country girl or something.

Okay. Random, but okay.

Mariana walks over to them and gives Ileana the schedule for the next batch of things they will bring in and Hernan gets a funny look when he sees her handwriting.

Mariana's Loft. Day.

Hernan and Mariana arrive and she asks him to stay over for a beer.

Damn it.

I'm sorry, but I have to keep this short.

They start talking about charity works Hernan is involved in. Mariana wants to help and Hernan is proud because of it.

Bla, bla, bla. They dressed the same way when she dressed like a Russian country girl and he was in El Salvador, bla, bla, bla.

Don't they find all this bonding exhausting? When are they going to start acting awkward and passive aggressive around each other like all the parents and children I know (including myself)? I thought this show was supposed to be about reflecting reality.

Frank, Mariana's stepdad, called her 'little Miss Misfit' or 'desadaptada'. They decide to call themselves 'desadaptados' because they were both misfits, different, all their lives.

I can relate, but I still find them boring.

Armando's Cave. Day.

While Mariana is engaging in wholesome activities with her dad, the two gross birds are getting dressed after what seems to be a very, very quick fuck.

I hope it was worth it Julia.

Actually, I don't. I hope bad things happen to you because of it. But they won't since, apparently, your V might be magical.

Julia asks him if that's what he felt like after he cheated on her a million times, this gross guilt she now feels.

Oh, waaaa, waaa, waaa. You get zero compassion, guey.

She finds it ironic that now she understands him when he said that he couldn't stop himself.

They sit down to process and, in some serious role reversal, he starts talking about feelings and about how what just happened wasn't just about sex.

She says time and time again that she's with Mariana and can't do this to her. Emo loves her and has always been honest and good to her.

I'm annoyed that she doesn't say she can't do this to Mariana because she (Julia) loves her. Shouldn't that be the main reason?

Assmando tries to manipulate her into admitting she has feelings for him, but she insists that she doesn't know what is it that she feels for him.

Julia: I don't know if it's lust, or nostalgia because of what we had, codependency, or all of it at the same time...
Armando: Well, all of that, together, is called love.
Julia: That is not love, guey. That is not love.
Armando: Of course it is!

I agree with Julia on this one. Armageddon may be closer than we thought.

The chat continues endlessly. Julia tells him that he's her past and Mariana's her present: she has to live in the moment with her.

Again, loving her is not in your list of reasons, guey?

Armando asks her if she's going to tell Mariana what happened. Julia wants to figure everything out first because she is...what?


Shocking, I know.

Julia leaves, but not before telling him not to call her and pressure her.

Mariana's Loft. Day.

Hernan and Mariana continue to bond over a beer and talk about the whole 'misfit' business.

The bottom line is that Hernan wants Mariana to feel closer to him since they are so alike, genetically even, since even their handwritings match.

Okay, fine, whatever. Good for you.

Tonight I leave you with.......

..... Julia's Vodoo doll! Because she soo deserves it after this episode!


Episode 61

Nana's Voice Over.

Nana is describing all the Aparicio sisters: Alma is freedom, Meche is righteousness and Julia is like a tornado.

Yes, I totally agree. She destroys everything in her path.

While Nana speaks, we see Julia on the set of the acting gig that started it all and she's putting her hands all over Eren's real life boyfriend.

I wonder how shooting that was like.

Mariana's Loft. Night.

Julia and Mariana are home. Mariana is so excited over the handwriting business that she actually put the post-its on the refrigerator.

Wow. I find that sad.

Mariana is oblivious about the gross activities her girlfriend has been a part of, so when Julia walks in she proceeds to, excitedly, tell her all about it.

Emo tells her that she found the whole thing so very cool that she almost threw herself at him saying 'Dad, I love you!'

Julia asks her why she didn't do just that. Mariana, in some weird voice, tells her that no, that she's a desadaptada!

I'm not sure what one thing has to do with the other, but, okay.

MEC says that she just came over to grab a bite to eat. She then whines that she has a lot to study because the next day is her first day of filming. To make matters worse, she's already exhausted.

That's what you get for spending the day having gross Assmando sex instead of doing, well, anything really. You could've spent the day staring at a spot in the wall and that would've been more productive.

Emo, who is NOT a real person, but a robot who was designed by a lonely lesbian somewhere who created her to be the perfect girlfriend, actually apologizes for being so focused on her daddy issues and not on Julia and her acting stuff.

If there is one lesson to learn from the Juliana storyline, it is that one can never be too nice, they will walk all over you and screw you over sideways. And not the cool kind of screw.

Julia says it's okay.

Julia: I think it's okay and very helpful that we give each other our space and time and do our own thing, separately.

Mariana agrees, but obviously because she doesn't know that for Julia that means breeding with her unsexy ex boyfriend.

I hate you, Julia.

Coriana (cornuda+Mariana), continues to offer Julia her support with the acting thing. She keeps talking in the weird voice (a Spanish accent?) and tells Julia that she(Julia) can totally benefit from practicing with her(Mari), since she herself is a great actress.

Since her mind is probably still stuck on 'penis', Julia says thanks, but no thanks. Maybe later.

They kiss.

Ewww! Mariana! You don't know where that mouth has been today, and she probably hasn't even bathed or brushed her teeth or anything! Eww!

Later that night, it seems that Julia accepted Mariana's help after all since they're rehearsing.

Julia is whining and whining and whining. The whole thing is so hard and complicated and she's having such a hard time.

Sometimes I think MEC is kinda dumb. All her confusions might've sucked her brain dry, or taken all of its space.

Are we sure she didn't do something naughty to get the part? I still think her audition wasn't all that.

Mariana comes to the rescue. She asks Julia what the problem is. Julia says the whole thing is very complicated.

Julia: The three of them jump in bed together and then, after, Natalia feels super guilty because she went ahead and was with Ar.. with Ignacio without Karen. And so she feels bad, she feels that she betrayed her and it's a whole mess.

Hey! Don't get me involved in your crap!

Wait, is Julia's character named 'Natalia'? Noooooo! You've just tainted my name. I hate you even more, Julia.

Anyway, Mariana seems pretty oblivious that Julia is actually talking about herself and their situation. Either that, or she's blocking it out. She asks Julia what motivation the character had for doing that.

MEC doesn't know why, obviously. If she did, she wouldn't be confused.

Either way, it's the scene after that that she's having trouble with.

Julia: That scene is after that happens, and so she goes and wants to confess what happened and ask for forgiveness and she's all conflicted and I don't know how to approach it.

Coriana obviously doesn't know this whole thing is so obviously about them, so she keeps helping Julia run her lines.

Of course, the dialog is all 'so you had sex with him? when?' and blablabla. And apparently the writers were channeling Julia when they came up with the Natalia character, because her lines are the exact BS Julia will continue spouting for a while.

Julia: Then how, Karen? How were they (things) supposed to be? There isn't some manual for all of this. Things just happen, and they happen because they have to and I love you, Mariana.


Mariana corrects her and Julia continues to be overwhelmed and conflicted.

You must not know Julia as well as you think, Coriana, if you didn't just understand what happened.

Maybe the cuernos are starting to affect your brain as they make their way out of your forehead. Don't you feel them?

Careful, Mariana, or this might be you in the future:

And guey, things do NOT 'just happen' because they 'had' to.


Mariana tries to calm down Whinelia (whine+Julia), but she continues to whine because she can't even memorize a stupid scene (see my theories above) and decides to go to Aparicio Central to see if she can concentrate.

Emo says all is good, she can go and Julia does, but not without a goodbye kiss.

I must say, 'ew', again.

Aparicio Central. Day.

It's the next day, and the family is having breakfast and talking.

They're discussing and joking about Rafaela's hypochondriac episode, when she thought she was going to die because she found a lump in her breast (it turned out to be benignant).

Julia is moping around. At least we know she feels guilty.

Or maybe she wants people to ask her what's wrong, and that's exactly what they do eventually. That is, of course, after deciding to have themselves a mammography party every year.

Oh, goody!

I'll shut up, but just because that IS sound advice.

Alma asks Julia what's up, and she says she's fine: she's just nervous about her job. Her sisters are all excited about it and ask her if Mariana is going with her. Julia says that, no, Coriana has too much to do. But I'm thinking MEC probably asked her not to come. You know, guilt and all.

Rafaela doesn't seem too convinced, but Julia decides to stop any further questioning by saying she has to go to work.

As she's leaving, Meche decides to wish her luck in a very peculiar way.

Meche's kick= the kick of God

The whole family must have fantasized about kicking Julia's ass for a long time, since they all break out in applause.

I understand the feeling, Aparicio Women. I understand the feeling.

TV Studio. Day.

Julia is getting ready for her big gig.

Later, when she finds herself alone, her vivid imagination takes over.

Imaginary Mariana: So, what did you decide, Julia?
Julia: It's just that...I can't decide...because I love you both.


And so, our torture, everyone's torture, continues.

A production assistant pulls her put of her trance and tells her the director is calling for her.

Julia looks conflicted, yet another look Liz has become a master of.

Aparicio Central. Day.

Mariana and Rafaela are talking about Rafaela's breast cancer scare. Emo looks like she is zoning out, until la Patroncita notices it and calls her on it.

Apparently, the chip that notices weirdness in Julia hasn't been damaged by the cuernos yet, so Mariana did notice that Julia has been acting weird and intense. She wants to believe that it's all because of the job, but she's not sure.

If only you knew, guey.

Rafaela tries to console her by telling her that Julia always acts weird and intense.

See? Even your mother thinks you're crazy, Julia.

However, Patroncita says that she's probably suffering from stage fright and that Mariana just needs to be patient, since someone has to be patient in a relationship (implying that Julia is incapable of that)

I really think your mother likes your girlfriend more than you, Julia.

Nana arrives with the groceries. Apparently, Mariana will do the cooking today.

TV Studio. Day.

Julia is getting the last touches on her hair and makeup when Herpes arrives, flowers in hand.

He tells her that he came over to bring her flowers because it's her first day on the job. She tells him he can't be there because she has to go on set in a second.

Hey, is it really that easy to just walk into a TV lot? Because, in that case, there's some people I'd like to go sta..eh, um, visit.

Assmando insists that she can't just pretend that nothing happened, but she just takes the flowers and leaves. He follows her to try to pressure her some more, as we should always do to our loved ones in their place of employment on their very first day on the job. Or, you know, not.

Julia, however, won't hear any of it and just walks away, trying to ignore him.

Tonight I leave you with....

....AlMeche fighting! Because it was MEGA hot!



  1. Sooo I managed to find a place to watch the new episodes. Of course it's all in Spanish -- so I've had to try to comprehend it all using what little Spanish I learned through four years in high school lol. I'll do whatever I have to, but your recaps are the only thing keeping me going. I can look to them to figure out what the hell I just saw haha. It helps that they're also hilarious.


  2. Loved the recap, really funny!
    I understand that you needed time to recap this episodes... They suck...

  3. Where's episodes 62-65?