I must admit, my queer stories have been disappointing me a lot lately. I don't think I need to father explain my frustrations with Las Aparicio (that's what the blog is for, no?). But lately I've been wanting to kill the writers on AETR too...they've had more than 500 episodes to resolve Ana and Teresa properly, did they need another 500? God.
Is it too much to ask for lesbian stories where the characters act like real people? Where things are coherent?
They don't even have to end together, just be coherent.
Once again, thanks for all the comments and support. And welcome, new followers!
Let's get to it.
Bisexual Polyville, part deux. Day.
Spending a copious amount of time with Julia is a very dangerous thing. Not just because she might drive you to murder/suicide with her confusions, immaturity and possessive jealousy, but because she will pass those traits on to yourself. The Armando/Julia merger must have already begun since he's being as bratty and immature as she is.
The trio are in the kitchen hanging out, as they often do.
PArmando (Passive Agressive+ Armando) is making himself s sandwich and brooding. He's still hurt over the talk he had with Julia the night before, so he asks them if they had a nice time while he was away.
You have a tree in the middle of your kitchen? What the hell, guey?
Armando's house is very hippie. I must confess that I like it. Can he afford it on a coach's salary, though? Maybe he has soccer money left over.
Mariana's already had her pill today, you know, the valemadrina she so often speaks of and that makes her okay with all this, so she doesn't catch his tone and sweetly answers that things were chill, they were just occupied with the classes at the Atelier. I wonder if that pill is what's kept her from being infected by Julia's craziness after being around her so long.
Or maybe the craziness doesn't affect robots.
Is she a person or a robot? My theories are confusing me now.
Armando: So you had time to be chill and be alone, no?
Julia does catch his tone (takes one to know one) and asks him, not so sweetly, if he's gonna start the same thing again.
She totally doesn't like him anymore, my friends.
Mariana asks what's up and Julia tells her that Armando thinks that when he's not home they're going at it everywhere, like sex machines.
Huh. Robots then? Maybe some chip in Julia's head malfunctioned because of all the head bands and that's why she's like she is.
Funriana (fun+Mariana), whom I like very much, laughs at the idea.
Funriana: Yeah, yesterday we fucked on the stove, on the refrigirator, on the washing machine...
She even makes suggestive moves to go along with the jokes and she and Julia have a nice laugh.
Armando doesn't really find it funny and storms out in a huff.
Julia isn't proud of the progress he's making in his process of becoming just like her, so she just ignores his tantrum.
Mariana, who may or may not be a robot, but perhaps is a saint too, follows him out and tries to offer comfort.
At first he denies that there's anything wrong, but Mariana makes them all sit down to talk like the grown polyamorous people that they are.
The children are reluctant at first, but Momriana (Mom+Mariana) makes them respect her autori-TAH.
I heart Cartman.
Finally, Armando spits it out: Julia loves Mariana more than him.
Yes, all the universes in all the galaxies know, guey. The real question is: why do you all love HER?
Julia denies saying that, but I must point out she doesn't deny feeling it (DUH). She says that maybe she's closer to Mariana because....
Mariana : Because we work together.
What the hell, Mariana? Let her finish. You're the one who ends up winning.
Or maybe not. I think having Julia all for yourself may be more a punishment than a prize.
Mariana tells them to chill out : don't they remember why they're in that mess to begin with? Because Julia loves them both.
Armando isn't convinced, but Julia tells him that things ARE like that (yeah, right) and that neither of them have the right to tell her who she loves more or whatever.
Of course not, how can they forget you're the one with all the rights, Julia?
I never forget.
Julia gets agitated and reiterates that they're in that relationship because she couldn't choose between them both, a relationship that it's supposed to be based on trust...a relationship Armando is disrespecting right now by being like this.
How can he forget your feelings are all that matter? I'm sure it's number one in your poly manual. Such an asshole this guey, Julia. You should totally be pissed at him.
Julia goes on to say that the whole situation is making her feel like they're making her choose again, which she won't do.
Obviously, she won't. Who wouldn't want constant servants/sex slaves?
Mariana cools them down and says things aren't like that. She tells Armando that she (Mariana) and him are pals, and that nothing like what he thinks it's going on it's happening.
They shake hands.
Well, Armando, when your girlfriend's girlfriend is nicer to you than your own girlfriend, you just know bad things are coming.
Julia continues to seem annoyed as the other two make up, and she walks away muttering something about breakfast.
Mariana and Armando's bromance continues to flourish.
You know, when this is all over, Mariana and Armando are going to be closer friends than Armando and Julia.
This show is like the twilight zone.
Alma's Atelier. Day.
The Pato class continues.
Yay. I'm so (not) excited.
And get ready because it will continue through the week...I like it better when they cook. I hope Alma's a bad pay, so they have to stop these PSAs.
Armando's there too, strictly as a model, since he doesn't talk at all.
Today, the class is about bisexuality and polyamory.
Julia gets points for admitting out loud that she's in a polyamorous relationship...I didn't think she'd have the balls. Although, considering she has two sets of ovaries and a set of balls in her possesion, maybe it's not so far fetched she'd dare to do that.
They talk about how people tend to divide themselves in two teams: gays and straights. But they forget about a third team, the one who bats for both teams: bisexuals.
Since they're always wanting to enlighten me by telling me things I already know, Julia talks about how they're a minority (but not so much since she feels there's a lot more closeted) who get heat both from the straights and the gays and are considered promiscuous, untrustworthy and undecided, by both bands. She goes on to say, of course, that all that is not true: bisexuals feel love and desire for both sexes and that is all.
Then bla, bla, bla for all the eternity again,
Somewhere along the way, when they're talking about team 1 (straights), team 2 (gays) and team 3 (bisexuals), Dani, Mariana's Ex, walks in.
Dani: And what about team number four? Those of us who are not into labels?
Since when are you not into labels Dani? I could give you all a spoiler about that, but, not. Also, since I respect you, my dear readers, I will not say what I think about the whole 'no labels' thing.
Mariana seems genuinely happy to see Dani. Julia does not.
As the class progresses and the trio start getting into polyamory, Dani seems fascinated at the idea, particularly when she learns that Mariana is in a poly relationship with Julia and Armando.
Well, Dani, that's our reaction to this too. Someone should make an animated gif of it.
Julia goes on to clarify that bisexuality has nothing to do with polyamory: a bisexual person doesn't necessarily love two people at the same time, but a polyamorous person, like her, does.
Julia: I am a bisexual woman, who loves her boyfriend, her male partner, very much, who also loves her female partner very much.
These people are soo high up on their horse I hope they fall on their asses soon. Julia, nobody gives a crap about you, seriously.
The endless PSA continues and Mariana reminds everyone that respect is all that matters, and that if we're going to fall under the rainbow umbrella, we need to accept all colors.
Fine. I'll do anything if it'll shut you up. I hate lectures.
After class, Dani, Mariana and Julia are talking.
Dani, of course, is the center of all attention. Dani's happy Juliana are together, she always knew they would end there. She continues to be very curious about the poly thing, but before she can properly ask Mariana if she is with Armando as well (Mari's gayness is legendary, so she's taken back by that, I suppose), Julia stops her and tells her that, yes, Armando is with them too.
Julia feels very threatened by Dani, y'all.
And I must say that with every episode,her personality makes her even more unattractive to me. I kinda pity Mariana.
Professor Julia is very defensive and asks Dani if she has a problem with their polyness. She doesn't, on the contrary, she finds it incredible and revolutionary.
There's the 'R' word again. For the last time, it is NOT revolutionary. At this point, I think Julia's going through with this relationship partly because she feels so proud that she's so revolutionary.
Eventually Armando walks in and compliments Dani on how great she looks and asks her what she's been up to. She says she's been traveling and stuff and the three (A-M-D) talk and laugh all cool. Julia, not so much.
I wonder if jealousy can make someone's head explode.
Mariana invites Dani to dinner so she can tell them all about the trip and show them pictures.
Uh oh, Mariana, who said you can make decisions without consulting your queen first?
Julia is not pleased, although she hides it with a smile.
Bisexual Polyville. Night.
Armando's not home and Julia's on the couch pretending to read a book. She's mad and monosyllabic when Mariana speaks to her: she obviously wants Mariana to ask her what's up.
When she does and Julia continues to ignore her, Mariana proceeds to kinda apologize, you know, for the nothing wrong she's done.
Mariana: I ran into my ex girlfriend and I was really glad to see her, she's a really cool chick. You're acting like I fucked her right there in front of you or something.
Julia: That's what you'd want isn't it?
My God. This chick leaves me speechless. Her immaturity and selfishness know no boundaries... I don't even like crazy Julia anymore.
Mariana: I just want us to invite her here, to the house, as friends.
Julia: How is she going to be your friend if she's your ex?
Mariana: The same way I'd like you to be my friend when you're my ex.
Julia: So, now you're saying you and I are going to break up or what?
And so it's on!
Since Mariana must be in love with some fake Julia she made up in her head and not the real one, she asks Julia to not be irrational and that she was just being sarcastic. Doesn't she understand sarcasm? Does she(mari) have to explain it to her?
This prompts Julia to get even crazier. They take the fight to the kitchen.
Julia: You don't have to explain me anything. I'm not an idiot or a child, of course I understood you!
Allow me to...
That's not me, by the way.
The fight continues.
Mariana: Ok, then stop acting like one, ok? Besides being my ex, Dani is a very cool girl, a good friend, ok?
The same way you can't ask an apple tree to give you bananas, you can't ask Julia to give you rationality, Mariana. Don't waste your breath.
Mari goes on to tell Julia that she better know that in lesbians circles, most girls are ex girlfriends, probably because of the lack of prospects. Julia will hear nothing of it. She asks Mariana that if Dani was so awesome, why did she break up with her? Crazy!Julia also doesn't like that Mariana is joking about the lesbians circles and she's very mad because she didn't like the way her servant was looking at Dani at the Atelier.
So, now Julia also wants to control how her servants look at people. It's not enough that she controls their bodies, genitals, reproductive systems and feelings.
Awesome. I keep wondering what the source of her power is. Do you have any theories? Black magic, maybe? Because I refuse to believe that she is THAT good in bed.
The fight continues and escalates.
Mariana: Dani is my ex girlfriend. Whether you understand it or not, I need you to trust me. Julia: And how am I supposed to trust you? Don't you remember that you were the Gay Queen of the Juares Colony? Or have you forgotten that?
Damn, I would've like to have seen that. I'm guessing Mariana got around. Score! Thank God Julia isn't the only woman she's been with...she might have scared Mari straight and we would've lost her.
Mariana: You know what? You have no right to talk about trust, because before of all this polyamory shit, you cheated on me with Armando, ok?
YES! YES! YES!
FINALLY she brings that up! And it only took what? 28 episodes or something? Are you getting your ovaries back, guey?
Mariana continues to tell Julia to just trust her. The Queen doesn't know what backing down means, so she says that she'll trust Mariana but not Dani, who she barely knows.
By now, Emo is losing her patience. She tells Julia to give Dani a break, that they wouldn't even be together if Dani hadn't left her because she knew they were in love.
Julia didn't know this. She switches from jealous to insecure, which is her real problem, of course.
Julia: I'm sorry it's just that...just imagining you with anyone else...makes me feel like I'm dying.
Melodramatic too, girl?
Mariana: But I'm right here, damn it. I'm here. Despite the 10,000 conditions that you've put on me, I'm here aren't I? Despite the fact that I have you share you, I haven't gone anywhere. What are you going to do, Julia? Look at me. What are you going to do with how much I love you?
Emo is a charmer, ain't her?
And Mariana, we know you're there, what we don't understand is WHY. Are you like Xena? Is being with Julia your atonement for some evil deed? Because I still don't get it.
El amor sí que apendeja, gueys.
And see how things fun are when they act like real people instead of robots? This scene was even kinda hot.
Tonight I leave you with....
...Dianita! Because she's into swinging and orgies! Mexico DF must be the center of all things queer, gueys!
Nana's Voice Over
Good things are happening.
The girls are having angry sex? Jealous sex? I don't know, some kind of sex.
They're trying to make it all intense and needy, but I'm not buying the acting.
Bisexual Polyville, part deux. Night.
The unsexy sex continues.
Julia stops in the middle of it.
Julia: Tell me you're mine.
Mariana: I'm yours. Tell me I'm the love of your life.
Mariana: Say it.
Julia: You're the love of my life.
They resume their activities.
Wow. So I guess sex is like alcohol, when it gets in, the truth comes out. Those two just blurted out their biggest insecurities, but it felt wrong, considering where it happened.
And I'm sorry to say, these two actresses don't have good kissing/bed chemistry. They should check out fingersmith to get some tips.
Later that night, Armando walks in on them post sex. He's a mini Julia now, so he's instantly jealous and pissed.
Mariana: What? What's wrong?
Armando: What's wrong is that I feel like the idiot who gets home and finds his wife with a ....with some asshole.
Julia: Well, I'm not your wife.
Mariana: And I'm not some asshole.
I continue to get sadistic pleasure from seeing all of this happen in Armando's house and in his bed.
Mariana tells him they just had some jealous Julia issues to work through.
Sex is the best medicine for many things, I say.
Julia admits that she had a huge jealous attack because of Dani, and when Mariana points out how irrational she was, Julia admits that jealousy always is.
Interesting. So, sex is what clears your head and makes you rational, Julia? Because you just sounded like a sane person.
Meanwhile, I think Armando wishes that Julia got jealous over him sometime. Remember, this is like the third jealous fit she's had over Mariana. Over him? Zero.
Things continue to be awkward, and Armando tries to use some authori-TAH he just doesn't have: he tells them that if this is over Dani, then they better control themselves when she comes over for dinner.
Ja! As if your word matters, guey.
Bisexual Polyville, part deux. Day.
The girls are hanging out minus Armando. Dani's coming over for dinner and Mariana asks Julia if she really is okay with that.
You know what? I got another theory to explain why Mariana is so perfect. During one of Julia's black magic rituals something went wrong and Julia got all the crazy, while Mariana got all the sanity. Together, they make a real person. Separated, one's a nut and the other's a robot.
What do you think?
Julia's pouting, but she says she's okay and promises she's not going to go all psycho killer on Mariana and chase her around the apartment with a butter knife.
Uy....careful Mariana. I'm sure that's what a psycho killer would say.
Furthermore, Mariana tells Julia to promise her she's not going to poison Dani's food. Julia says she can't promise that...she always wanted to play the evil witch from Snow White.
Hey, here's a thought, Mariana: make Armando the food taster. All of Julia's confusions would be solved then.
In the end, Julia promises she will behave and be a good host. She also promises to not be a jealous freak and that she'll suppress her desires to murder Mariana's ex.
I'm not so sure we should believe her, Mariana.
Mari is with me since she wants it writing, just in case something happens and the cops need evidence.
You can be mega cool sometimes, girl.
Julia says she's just going to have to trust her.
Armando walks in and, wanting to tease Mariana, asks if Dani the ex is coming.
Mariana is not amused.
Thankfully, Bruno arrives before things can get too awkward. He wants to talk to Julia about Ileana, who is having a mega crisis and he doesn't know what to do anymore.
Don't be fooled by the glasses she wears sometimes, she's not really smart, my dear hippie.
They talk about Ileana, who is going through a crazy streak every since Leo and Alma broke up. Julia tells him that Ileana has always been a very complex person who is prone to go from one extreme to another, and that it all goes back to her father's death.
Bruno: I'm sorry to say this, and I'm sure there isn't a good way to say this, but, you lost your dad too, right? Mercedes and Alma too. And you guys aren't like that.
Julia: Like what? Crazy? It's so obvious that you don't know us, eh?
What is this? More clarity and self awareness coming from Julia? The world may be ending soon. I'm scared.
They talk about Ileana some more, and Julia's sanity during it all surprises me.
I wonder if she's had sex recently, which lifted the fog from her brain and the crazy hasn't returned yet. I need an explanation for this.
And tonight I leave with you....
... Meche telling Claudio she loves him and won't marry him because she's afraid he'll die too! Because these two are cute together, despite the fact that he needs to get a full body waxing session ASAP.